The World Really IS Out to Get Me, and Then the Dog Died

[cookiekins]

Here I am, Cookiekins, a level 73 gnomish warlock....Oh. wait. That was years ago.

This is my life now. I am a 50 something, widow. My last kid moved out, took one of the dogs to keep her company. I found out my late husband, in a state of dementia used all the money we had set aside to take care of me after he died to try to save his business, because he forgot how to bill his clients, and he didn't want anyone to know. His family pretty much told me Sayonara after the funeral, much to my shock. My parents paid for the funeral, because my very wealthy father in law couldn't spare the cash. Then he remodeled his kitchen with top of the line appliances.

I have a wonderful therapist I have been seeing since about six months before my husband died, and my meds are handled by my neurologist, which I think is a much better arrangement than getting a psych involved.

Things keep breaking. Like major things. The foundation of my house, a sewer pipe under the house, air conditioning, the furnace, and then the day before yesterday my beloved Macbook coughed a couple of times, gasped out, "I'm comin' t' join ya, honey," and gave me, not the blue screen of death, but the technicolor vertical striped screen of death. I figured since the USB ports were fried, the battery compartment wouldn't hold the battery anymore, the fans either ran too hard or not at all, the touch pad sometimes stuck in the "Down" position, that this was the last straw. Probably that time last year when the computer leapt off a counter, all by itself, at the airport in Minneapolis, and crashed on its right top corner to the floor in front of stunned witnesses, something major was damaged, and it took a long time to finish killing itself.

As I am now a poor widder woman, who cannot afford to be a hipster anymore, I am now a p.c., and struggling to learn how it all works. If I ever find the person responsible for the "hover" feature, I am going to rip their fingers off one by one.

On top of all that, I found out my sweet, beautiful bi-black sheltie Dodie has bladder cancer and has around three to six months left to live.

So, I am kind of falling apart.

My therapist suggested I needed an increase in my Venlafaxine. I said, "Why? It isn't OCD. It really IS the world this time! Every thing IS going wrong, and P***** isn't here to help me."

She said I was doing great, handling everything just as I should, but I wasn't letting go of each problem after I took care of it.

That stopped me up short. I realized she was right. I also realized that I ran out of "me-ness" at around 3:00 p.m. and from that point on, I could not get myself to do anything, not cook, not eat, not go anywhere, nothing. My scrip for the Venla. said to take it at bedtime. It probably wore off about that time.

So, I saw my neuro, who gave me a big hug, which I needed, and increased my dose a bit, and split it between night and morning. This is my third day, so I am still waiting to see what happens. Right now, I think I will go to Culver's for Fish Fry!

Cookiekins

OCD, Epilepsy (seizure free since '93!), depression, grief, migraines, hiatal hernia

Venlafaxine ER, carbamazepine, gabapentin,topiramate, Dexilant, Zomig, famotidine

[LunaRufina]

Hi there.

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I know it can be rough losing a friend- our dog died a couple years ago and there's still a hole there that gets uncovered sometimes.

We do have a grief forum, and it's for all kind of grief, if you feel comfortable or need to post there.

I'm glad you came here. And I have to say, while it isn't often that I've heard of a neurologist handling psych meds, if it's working for you [what with the epilepsy and all] it strikes me as making a lot of sense, particularly if the epilepsy had a large part in making you a little crazy at first [O don't know if that's the case here or not].

Anyway. We have a chat, we have blogs, we have lots of interesting people who give a shit or two.

Welcome.

[llama44]

Hi and welcome. I,know how you feel. Everything is out to get me too. But I haven't been out of the apartment much so it's been tamer as far as people gossiping about me. Plus I am so stressed and grief stricken and depressed I don't quite know much of what is really going on around me anyways my senses have taken a hit. All I feel is pain.

My dad had major surgery that we helped him get to the house. From the hospital that is. To the house. I couldn't go to the house though. It did and still does reek and seep through the walls just DEATH. My dog Sammy died of liver cancer. We had to put him down. It was so sudden. He would have lived another week max. So we put him down the next day. He was fine in the house than BOOM he couldn't keep any food down. There they found cancer.

I may as well be single too because the support my husband gives me is me lying in bed crying all day, while he plays video games in the living room. Only popping his head in when he has to pee.

I tried to stay at the house where Sammy lived but it made my heart too heavy. I touched his collar. Husband came and took me home twenty mins later then drove off to work. Then my dad had sent me a nasty text. Phone shut off all day. Just checked it. No messages to check on me from my parents. They must really value my life.

Hope you like it here. There are lots of good people.

[kittyloaf]

Hello from a fellow widow (and Minnesotan?). I know what you mean when everything happens at the same time. The people here have been very nice and supportive while I deal with my grief so don't hesitate to post in the grief forum if you are up to it...or any other forum.

You mentioned Minneapolis, so if you live in the Cities the Animal Humane Society has a pet loss group that you might check out. I know your dog hasn't passed yet, but I thought I'd mention it.

[bpladybug]

My condolences on the death of your husband. Plus your Mac, and now your dogs diagnosis.

I also get my meds from a neurologist, instead of a psychiatrist. He is such a nice person and

very competent.

Come check out the blogs.

[smurf2050]

hello Cookiekins, I'm glad you're here. I'm really sorry to hear about your losses and your current financial difficulty. But if your tdoc says you're coping, that's pretty excellent. I hope you like it here. Please post a pic of Dodie if you can.

[hallowedink]

Welcome to CB.

It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I hope that we here at CB manage to offer you some support during this difficult time.

[olga]

Welcome to our friendly asylum. It sounds like you still have a sense of humor, which is pretty critical at times like this. Please let us know if there is anything at CB that you don't understand. I'm so sorry about your husband and your dog. It's a lot of loss all at once.

olga

[cookiekins]

I typed a very gracious thank you to all of you, but I accidentally deleted it, thanks to Microsoft 7's Hover feature, which I cannot turn off no matter how many times I try! I should have just gotten a new Macbook, and not eaten for a month!

I have to take Dodie to the vet, pick up some auction stuff I got for the Etsy shop I am starting, and go to weaving class. No wonder I am on drugs. LOL

I promise I will tell all soon.

Cookiekins

[bluelikejazz]

Sorry about all that loss.

My ears perked up at the mention of etsy. That and the fact that your name includes my favourite foods I think we may get along well.

Welcome to CB