error Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 hi 1st post, dont knwo where to post thi s but here goes.. u dont knwo but im crying as i write this.. im a failure in life.. and i know real suidical people who commit suicide dont think aout they just just do it without heisstation but i think i might fail if i tried to commit suciside ive been like this for 5 years but now its 5th year and im crying regularly and feeling suicidal nearly every day she never rejected me i kind of rejected her .. and ive dont this on a number of occasions... ive never approached a girl to chat her up ... but i have been apporached by girls .. but i rejected them.. now 5 years down the line i have strong feelings of worthlessness and inadquecy, im 22.. ive stoped contact with family and friends, and ive stopped work... i always thought i was ugly... there is something wrong with my lower jaw i get weird looks when ppl look at me... so now im looking into plastic surgery.. i read that is a childs face or jaw doesnt grow correctly the child can have anxiety and depression which i have ... ive had braces for a good couple of years and that had fixed my teeth and my bite functions fine.. i've been told my bite and teeth function fine by a consultant... heres the problem... braces kind of changed my face shape and i dont like it... i have problems with my jaws now.. tmj (jaws clicking, face muscles hurt etc), i have sleep apnoea. i have trouble breathing sometimes when i sleep, and i get lots of headaches.. ive been told i have myofacial pain. so i want cosmetic surgery but dont know what to go for... what i think is i have weak lower jaw, jutting chin (chin too far forward), the upper jaw grew too much, receding lower jaw... ive gone to blogs and been told a genio is all i would need tog et the result i want, but im not sure if thats enough... so should i look into extensive jaw surgery upper/lower/both , rhinoplasty, genioplasty.. .. i want wider upper jaw so cheekbones are more visible, more balanced profile.. i rlly like bassline... the thing is though it triggers the main problem that i have... this girl i cant get over with... but i cry smetimes when i lsiten to bassline...because it makes me think about her.. and i always feel suicidal and i dont know what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedoubt Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. I felt suicidal almost every day for decades, so I know how horrible it is to feel that way. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or therapist? If not, I would highly recommend you see them, because you can feel better with help. You don't have to continue to feel so horrible. Therapy and medications can help you learn to think differently about yourself and your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I agree with dedoubt that you might consider getting into therapy. Surgery of some sort could possibly help with your jaw issue, but the underlying problems really need to be addressed by a therapist. Since you don't mention having bipolar, and this is your first post, I'm moving it to the Introduction forum. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TOT Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
error Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 tx 4 quick reply yup i saw a pshychitrist or pshychologist a year ago and they diagnosed me with bi-polar and anxiety but i didnt like my experience there because they would use sarcasm like im dumb so i never went after my diagnosis .. i know what my problems are.. but i wouldnt feel comfrotable telling that to a pshyche.. (im goign to see a pshyce next week).. i had an appointment to see a psyche end of lst month but i went late and they never saw me so i had a depressed period... i know what my problems are.. im addicted to porn and masturbation and i cant help it..when i see porn it makes me horny and after i do it i feelgood but then i go back to feeling worthless// and i dot feel comfortbale telling this to a pshyce.. im a loser deep down im thinking of changing my life around with plastic surgery? im not happy with the body im in, so i need to fix it ebcause its holding me back.. all my family are normal.. except me... i have a weak and soft heart and i get angry at the slightest things then i feel bad later on.. and hate myself for it... but its because im nt happy with my jaw/face... and if i did get the right changes then i'd be happier person, .. i dont know if i should tell my pshyce this when i go to se them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Error - Welcome to CB. I hope we can help you find some solutions to what you're experiencing. Suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, and low self-image are strong indicators. Depression is insidious - your brain is not processing internal signals the way it should, and the result is that you are receiving false messages about yourself, telling you that you are ugly, worthless, a failure, and so on. Because these thoughts are coming from inside your own mind, you believe them, but they aren't actually true. You don't have to feel this way. Depression is treatable. I'm sorry you had an unpleasant experience with the psychiatrist or psychologist who diagnosed you, but please don't give up. These professionals are individuals just like we are, and come in all types - it's important to find one you like, with whom you feel comfortable about sharing how you feel deep down. Yes, you should share all the things you're feeling with your psychiatrist or therapist, because he or she will need every bit of information you can give in order to decide how to treat you most effectively. Don't be embarrassed to discuss any of the things you're feeling or thinking - you won't be saying anything they haven't heard before. It's kind of like being shy about taking off your clothes in front of the doctor - you haven't got anything he hasn't seen a thousand times, so don't worry about it. I encourage you to seek out both a psychiatrist (who can prescribe medication) and a psychologist (who specializes in cognitive therapies) - the combination of medication and therapy together has been demonstrated to bring relief faster than either alone. Suicidal thoughts are to be taken seriously, even if you have no immediate plan to act on them. If you find yourself feeling very strongly that you want to take your life, seek help immediately at a hospital or call a crisis line. On our Depression forum here on CB we have pinned topics on what to do; please take a look at them. With regard to considering plastic surgery, your first order of business is to deal with your depression, which is distorting your view of yourself. Reshaping your appearance will not stop your depression, because your depression is not being caused by your appearance. You think it is, but it isn't. Treating your depression may, however, change the way you look at yourself, and you may find that you neither need nor want plastic surgery once your brain has stopped telling you ridiculous things about how you look. You say you've been approached by girls - sounds like you've got something good going on there, guy. As a rule, girls don't approach guys who are homely, hideous or Quasimodo-esque. I'm kind of like you, in that my jaw's a bit off, my bite's somewhat wonky and I've got TMJ to the point that people have been known to turn their heads when I pop and click. It didn't stop me from getting married. Dude, you're 22. Nobody's a failure at 22. You haven't had time to be a failure. You've got a life spreading wide open in front of you, and once you get this depression seen to, you can hit it at a run. Cerberus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
error Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 hi cerburus i undrestand what u are saying and i do get u.. but the thing is the way i see myself right now is im too unhappy with the way i look so i dont bother with ppl... if i get plastic surgery with the right changes, i would see myself and then i would be bothered, i dont know how else to explain it... but its been 5 years like this and i cant take it no more, i keep thinking about one girl who im never going to see again, shes everywhere to me, when i sleep shes everywherebut when i wake up shes not here .. and i cant sleep... i feel pathetic , worthless, and i dont bother ... i know that its my fault for seeing myself like this.. but when i was young i used to watcha lot of modelling shows etc... and so its distorted my way of thinking, i know i'd never be a model , but i want to look good and feel good, and that wont happen without plastic surgery, i wouldnt be btohered to treat my depression unless my face changes.. i dont know if i should tell pshyche im ging to see about my problems regarding masturbation, porna ddiciton, and how im obseesed with looks i used to watch girly modelling shows, im 23, and my mum wants me to go america, im in uk now, the thing is i want independance, im too dependant on ppl, and i feel like a burden on them so if i topped myself they wouldnt have to worry about me, i cause my family nothing but pain, its not intentional but im not thinking striahgt because of all other things going on in my mind, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Error - It's very good that you can acknowledge that you're not thinking straight. Any time you find yourself with an unclear mind is a strong warning to you to Take No Action, because the action you take may not be what you would want to do in your normal, stable way of thinking. This is especially true of major things like rearranging your face or offing yourself - things that are nearly or completely impossible to undo. It's plain that your depression is a factor, and also perhaps body dysmorphic issues, but it sounds like you're also in the throes of being in love/infatuated/smitten/whatever with this girl, and no guy in such a state can be trusted to make serious decisions. Been there. Yes, tell your psych everything. If you don't, it's like going to the physician with a ruptured appendix and neglecting to mention that you have pain in your abdomen. Because your psych isn't telepathic, he or she is going to need every scrap of information you can provide about what's going on in your head in order to give you the best treatment. Be straight up about how you feel about your appearance, because the goal is not to change your shape to match your thinking, but rather to change your thinking to match your shape. Your psych can help with that. Also, I would really encourage you to write some posts about how you feel about your body in our board here called "Hell's Kitchen". The title indicates that it's about Eating Disorders, but it also covers other types of thinking that makes people unhappy about their bodies. Now, as far as killing yourself to relieve your family from worrying about you, you can tip that idea in the bin right now, because it's rubbish. Not only do people tend to keep worrying about a loved one who's committed suicide - because many faiths are unclear or negative about the spiritual fate of those who have done so - but you'll substitute something far, far worse. Families of suicides are frequently tormented by guilt, sadness and feelings of loss that last for years, if they ever go away at all. Bottom line: It would be stupid, and wouldn't solve anything. Look, mate, even though your head's in a jumble right now and you're miserably depressed and likely lovesick, you still sound as though you're able to analyze your own thinking somewhat, and that's a strength. Do this for yourself at least - agree with yourself to set the whole issue of surgery aside for just a little while. You don't have to abandon it, but your face isn't going anywhere without you, so give yourself permission to put that on hold while you and your psych work on the other problems. Tackle one problem at a time. I promise you that if you don't fix what's inside first, changing what's outside isn't going to make any difference. Your face isn't making you unhappy. Your face isn't stopping you from interacting with people. Your brain is. Once you've got a handle on that, then you can take another look at the surgery thing and see if it's still that important to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
error Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 thanks i will not mention the girl i miss to my pschye, i will not mention my suicide thoughts, i will not mention about modelling shows i used to watch, because i think i have bdd, im skinny and i like the toned figure (which male modesl have), but i've sort of given up, because i feel my face is letting me down, i dont exercise because i feel ugly, my face is affecting my life, and so i need to fix it beause its holding me back.. i ant to kill myself because i feel ugly and worthless and a loser, how can i let a girl go without thinking it though, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butrflyksz Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Please know that you are not alone. I'm so sorry for the problems you are having. I think that most of us have had some pretty weird symptoms and thoughts which make us feel suicidal, whether it be for days or for years. You will feel better in the future, Professional help will get you to that point faster. Hang in there, friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 i will not mention the girl i miss to my pschye, i will not mention my suicide thoughts, i will not mention about modelling shows i used to watch It's going to be VERY difficult if not impossible for any health care provider to help you to the best of their abilities if you are not forthcoming about these issues. Like Cer said, it would be like going to a doctor thinking you have appendicitis but not mentioning abdominal pain. What makes you reluctant to discuss these thing with your provider(s)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
error Posted April 5, 2012 Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 the thing is i know what y problem... i ahvent been trying... because i feel my face is holding me back... its basically that... if i fix my face, then i'll try.. it really is as simple as that.. the other factors like being lovesick.. is because i felt i wasnt good enough for her because of my pshycial flaws.. it all comes down to how my face look.. which im not happy with right now.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
San Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 Generally a plastic surgeon requires a psych consult before doing any work, especially major work like that. It's not worth ending your life over, tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smurf2050 Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 ... i feel pathetic , worthless, and i dont bother ... i know that its my fault for seeing myself like this.. It's not your fault. Never. You can get out of it hopefully, but it's not your fault you got into it. There's a very good chance surgery may help you feel a lot better. I know people who were very happy with face treatments, boob jobs, nose jobs. Even so, that is secondary to your depression right now because you don't know how much of what you feel is the depression and how much is a genuine desire that will still exist when the depression is gone. First things first. I wish you good luck with your next pdoc. Hope your appointment is helpful this time. To get your best chance at being adequately diagnosed you really do have to tell the pdoc as much as you possibly can stand. The pdoc might ask questions. Answer as fully and honestly as you can. Remember, you aren't who your depression is telling you you are. I don't feel you've really given yourself a fair shake yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wooster Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 How does your face prevent you from being honest with a psychiatric medical provider about your suicidal and obsessive thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vapourware Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 To be honest, I'm not quite sure what you're looking for here. Do you want people to support your need for plastic surgery, or do you want help to stop said thoughts? At the moment, you seem to be rejecting all suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
error Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 thanks for all advice guys i will say to my pdoc whats bothering me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smurf2050 Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 good, good, good. let us know what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
error Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 i did mention pretty much everything except my porn/masturbation addiction. and also where i used to watch modelling shows a i was growing up, dunno why i thought i'd want to mention that... i have been given an appointment next month to see what medication i need to be on.... 2 questions, i have not been referred for therapy, although many ppl on here said i should look into it, so should bring this up next appointment.... another question i have not been told my diagnosis, so what should i do about that, wait till next appointment??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterRosie Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Your pdoc won't know that you're interested in therapy if you don't bring it up. So, bring it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seehorse1986 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I too have struggled with those thoughts time and time again, in fact,just a day ago, but you just need to know that yes you are not alone and no matter what things CAN get better. therapy helped me a lot. You made your first step by finding this site Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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