I have to swallow my pride and "apologise"

[Pastafarian]

My coworker constantly talks about his problems.  He threatens to quit every once in awhile.  he's a whore for attention, sympathy, whatever.

I like him i suppose, but i occasionally find him irritating.  we got into an "thing" the other day because he thinks he's in charge when he isn't.  I find it difficult to give in when I'm right.  He went into a senior worker's office and said that he quit because of what I said, a very disproportionate response considering i really didn't say much.

The boss called me at home and I said the situation merely got out of hand, that it wasn't an argument.  I said that for the sake of the work relationship I would swallow my pride and apologise (as far as work duties are concerned, I am his boss).  I did that, and everything is fine.

My problem is that I hate how he gets away with this behaviour.  The boss says he's been having a hard time lately and that he needs special treatment (they are friends).  Because I don't talk about my hard times I have to cater to every emotional outburst and histrionic hissy fit?  Because he has problems in his life, he is allowed to be manipulative?  And I can't talk to my boss because they are friends.

I don't care about my pride, but I do care about my dignity.  Any thoughts?

[AirMarshall]

Pasta,

You have my sincere sympathy.

One way to look at it is that YOU are manipulating HIM, by apologizing.  Since your boss knows that the behaviour is innapropriate, and that you are being the bigger man, you are getting points.  You are getting more respect by your boss.

Painful as it may be this is a good management experience for you.

Next is to figure out how to better deal with this guys tantrums and whining so that either he decreases it or so that it doesn't drive you crazy.

I worked with a woman who talked about her screwed up life all day.  Eventually, the way I shut it off was by refusing to engage in conversation or even listen to her ramblings.  I only spoke to her  specifically to do the job.  Absolutely nothing more. She shut up and eventually quit.

A.M.

[olga]

Pastafarian:

If the boss is his friend, this is going to happen again and again.  If you can tolerate this situation, then stay with this job.  But it isn't going to change, so if it really bothers you, it's time to look for another place.

When you go for a job interview, it's always good to ask:  Who will be my supervisor?  Will I be supervising other people?  Do you expect people to respect the chain of command?

"I find it difficult to give in when I'm right."

Ah, testosterone.  This guy will NEVER let you be "right" because he can just go whining to the boss, his friend.  So do yourself (and your mental health) a favor and start looking for a better job.  This is a no-win situation.

olga

[Libby]

If the boss is his friend, this is going to happen again and again.

[Pastafarian]

This behaviour really comes out when the boss is absent, which has been the case for a few days.  I gotta agree with A.M. and say it's good experience.  I'm not going to stay at this job forever but I think it's an important stepping stone to a career I'd enjoy.  I really do love the job and I am good at it.  It isn't yet out of hand, so I'm not going to quit.  But I think in the near future I'll have a sit-down with the boss and discuss the role I m supposed to play.  That way, should the siuation arise again, there's no misunderstanding as to who is in charge.

Still, it helps to vent. Arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh!!!