recently I got my first "official" tdoc (by official I mean an actual psychotherapist instead of just a school one) and at our last meeting he suggested that I should undergo a 4 hour psychoevaluation with him to fully understand what's wrong with me. in that evaluation I have to talk about everything I've gone through and I don't want to hold anything back as I've done that far too many times in the past
he gave me forms outlining the procedure, costs, etc. and I'm fine with that. I gave the form to my mom and she said that what I say about myself may get me institutionalized. as Iive in Ontario, Canada, they have a right to involuntarily institutionalize you for 72 hours if it is believed you are a threat to yourself or other (its under the mental health act I think, I think Florida has something similar)
the specific "threat to yourself" has to do with self injury and suicidal tendencies. i do self harm fairly regularly and have been for the past few months. i also have near-constant suicidal thoughts and i think about killing myself every day. my mother is not aware of this, nor is my tdoc as we've only had 2 meetings thus far and those meetings were focused on me introducing myself and my problems and discussing the possibility of an ADHD diagnosis. so neither suicide nor self harm was brought up either times.
my mom said she doesn't know if i have issues with harming myself (as i've never told her) but she says that the things I say may get me institutionalized.
it's kind of hard to explain what i'm asking here but in summary i'm wondering if i would be "at enough risk" to have myself involuntarily institutionalized for my self-harming and suicidal tendencies. I'm currently in university so I know that if I get taken in, I'll be missing school. which is the least of my concerns at this point.
has anyone else gone through something like this? being involuntarily institutionalized because you're at risk for injuring yourself.
May be Triggering for some - not not explicit.
I've been cutting since I was 12, was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 15; which seems to explain why - I've never really figured it out myself.
I've had long periods of recovery, and I really thought I had it cracked this time. I was wrong. Last night I relapsed.
I'm going to keep working on getting better, and not let this get me down or put me off finding healthier solutions, the usual spiel, but in the meantime I have to deal with the fallout, and I think I need some support with that.
My family knows about my history with SI, and how I've been good for a while - but we don't tend to talk about it much, it's an uncomfortable subject after all. Since I'm home from uni and staying with them right now, I'm struggling with whether or not to come clean. I didn't want to upset them, and am fairly sure this is not going to be indicative of a serious relapse, so I wasn't going to mention anything. Then my aunt invited us to go swimming with herself and my cousins - worst luck!
Fairly sure I could lie my way out of it, which would be less stressful option for all; but also sets a precedence I've been trying to avoid. On the other hand, piling familial stress on top of my current abundance of crazy seems like a recipe for disaster.
Today...Ive been obsessed with dying.
Driving off a bridge again... maybe just jumping and letting the water break my spine in two.
I'm tired..and ill... I have no money, food...gas...
Thankfully my next doors don't have a password on their internet.
I know it will be better in two days.
It just doesn't seem to matter.
In two days I'll move in with my new girlfriend, my friend Dave, and his daughter Autumn...
Autumn keeps asking how I got these scars... I feel so embarrassed.
It won't be long until she figures it out... she's five.
Still innocent...still believing life will work out for the best.
She's not afraid to die, never gone to bed without dinner...lunch...breakfast.
I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her... just by... having a history.
Maybe it's just the meds on no food like last time...
My mother is trying to bring food by but... I can't keep asking her to come out.
I'm tired of being an obligation. Would it be so hard for someone to honestly help me?
I've given the help... in abundance.
Then when I need it... everyone vanishes.
I guess the depression is just having fun with me today.
And I was doing so well too...