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Has anyone wanted to cut their face?


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I've been battling with that idea for at least two weeks and it's just growing. I don't know why. For the first time it's not just about a release of pain in a series of lines on a leg or arm...the other week I grabbed the blade and slashed on my arm because I was angry/upset/extremely hurt. There was no method to it. I just did it and felt better.

I've never heard of people like us cutting their face. I feel like my SI has taken on a new...personality (as if it exists outside of me). It used to rarely happen, and only years ago. Since trying it again a month ago, it's been a constant in my head. I've done it about 4 times now.

Has anyone heard of this or seen it? I haven't. I've seen a lot of cutters and not one with a slash across their cheek.

I currently hide my scars when I can, so it's not like I want questions. That's what's been keeping me back, but not sure how long that will last. And I'm worried about wrinkles and acne and wearing nice eyeliner, so I sort of pride my face. Yet...

Anyway, I hope I followed forum rules for this one.

No shrink at the moment. My parents stopped paying for mine, so i can only afford him for med management. He used to be my psychotherapist as well.

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Hey Jax,

I think that one of the more confusing aspects of SI is how it can morph - many people do find that their SI changes with time, either their method or location or even the feelings that go along with it. It can definitely feel like it's taking on a life of its own at times.

That said, I think that if you do give in to this urge, you will regret it. Let's talk about what you can do to redirect that.

Is there any other source of therapy that you can find? A community health centre or someone that will see you for a reduced fee or sliding scale? Or any way you can get help from your parents again? If your SI is escalating like that, you need professional help urgently. If there is really no way that you can see anyone and you feel like you might act on these urges, consider going to the hospital. Don't let it get to the point where you do something irreversible that you will be stuck with for the rest of your life. You can see by reading other topics on this board how much people regret their scars, even scars in less visible places.

Have a look at the topics that are pinned in this subforum on alternatives to SI and try to pick out some that you think will work for you. It's difficult but I think that you will find that it's worth it. Try to figure out the emotions and needs behind your SI so that you can find safer ways to meet those needs.

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I have cut my face. Only once, and let me tell you it was 110% not worth it at all. Luckily, it was superficial and didn't form any lasting scar tissue. It was really scary, but it was something I had been thinking about like you Jax and did it stupidly when I had been drinking and was left alone. Cuts on the face are near impossible to hide, and to find an excuse for. They would kind of come open when I was talking, or sleeping and it was horribly uncomfortable. It took forever to heal as well, likely just due to locationFrom a vanity standpoint I was so embarrassed and had to use exy scar cream and wear thick stage makeup to cover it up, both made my skin break out alot. Stay safe.

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I've wanted to hurt my face before; before I could do it I got hit by a car. That cut my face up for me quite effectively as I landed on my forehead and cheekbone. As Likeabowlof0ranges noted, it's really unpleasant.

I also agree with Titania. Usually there's a reason behind it.

Do you think that you can mention it when you go for your next med appointment? Maybe your doc can help you out a little bit just the same.

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Cutting the face is different than anything else you can do. I have done it on several occasions and have lasting scars on the right side of my face. I would strongly advise against it. I was very open about my masochistic tendencies to most all people except my family and professors. But once I gave in and cut my face I could not hide it from my parents, siblings, or professors any longer.

Now I have to readily admit to anyone that I cut on a regular basis. It has made getting jobs difficult, mainly due to the scars on my face. Don't give into it. Just like anything else, once you allow that manifestation of your SI to take hold it is near impossible to stop.

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  • 3 years later...

Yes.  When I cut, I cut my face.  [edited to omit specific method of self harm]   I have chosen two sites, and just keep cutting those sites instead of making new ones, that way I only need to explain the scars once.  Although people get suspicious that I keep "picking at" my scars.  

 

It is very public, and strangers usually think I'm a thug (if I'm unshaven) or are very nice to me, if I am clean-shaven.

 

I am trying very hard to not do this.  I enter a strange zone of alternative logic in which self-harm becomes sensible.  But I am seeing someone, and taking medicine, so I hope I can turn my thinking around.

 

Never did this before the age of 32.

Edited by Wooster
to omit specific method of self harm
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  • 6 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

I never had the urge to cut my face however I had the urge to rip my eyeballs out which maybe in a way is similar.

I was sectioned when I was 16 for a mixed episode and I was hearing a voice telling me to do so. I was highly suicidal at the time and very motivated to do so. I was on 15 minute checks though hence they saved me from doing so.

There are many reasons why people self harm and many ways they do so. Some of us do it consciously, some of us not. My advice is since you appear conscious at what you're doing and have insight to your urges then you should talk to someone close which you feel comfortable and mention these urges if you can't get any psychological input from anymore.

Edited by StJimmy9151
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  • 4 weeks later...

I have cut my face only once. I was cutting for punishment that night. I usually just cut my arms, but I kind of lost control that night. I'd heard that can happen sometimes. I just went into a kind of meditative calm place. When I snapped out of it, I'd cut my stomach, arms, chest, legs and face. Thankfully, I just cut my face once. I just ignored questions about it at my job. Ever since then, I've tried to be aware enough not to slip into that trance like state again. I still have the urge to do it all the time. I have no idea why. Good luck. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I get the same feeling. Like one day it just hit me and I just really wanted to carve up my face. For me, it's more because, even after being hospitalized, my parents refuse to understand that there's something wrong with me and that I have issues. I just want to slice my face up so that they can't deny it anymore. I want them to see it and understand. I want them to finally see me. And I can't think of any other way.

Edit: And just to clarify, this isn't a parental attention thing. It's a "I'm seriously fucked and I need you're help" thing. Also, in addition to wanting to cut myself, I also get urges to just start clawing at my face until the skin comes off...

Edited by BorderlineWintergirl
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  • 4 weeks later...

i've had the urge to cut my face and throat before and almost went through with it a couple of times. if the urge comes back I pop pimples really "roughly" (like rather than popping it I scratch it off) and wait for it to scab over so I can pick at it. it helps relieve some of that desire. I have a pretty nasty cluster of scabs on my upper forehead from that. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've bruised my face on purpose a few times in my life. It was because I wanted people to see it, honestly. What I really wanted was for people to be able to see my psychological/emotional damage and distress and be kinder to me, but just having a few people seem kinder based on bruises met the need a little. It was like I just ignored the fact that there were bruises on my face and pretended to myself that it was just a different kindness. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On March 23, 2016 at 0:16 AM, CoffeeBean said:

I've bruised my face on purpose a few times in my life. It was because I wanted people to see it, honestly. What I really wanted was for people to be able to see my psychological/emotional damage and distress and be kinder to me, but just having a few people seem kinder based on bruises met the need a little. It was like I just ignored the fact that there were bruises on my face and pretended to myself that it was just a different kindness. 

Thank you. I'm wanting to do it a lot these past few days. I feel like people think I have my life somewhat under control. That's not true. I don't even try to hide how upset I am, yet, they seem blind to it. I DO want people to see the pain and struggle I'm going through on the inside, but that's not why I want to cut my face. Idk. I feel like I'm f'd up and deserve to be cut up. Not suicidal at all. It's just that nobody is really hearing my words. Ugh. 

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On January 27, 2016 at 11:03 PM, BorderlineWintergirl said:

I get the same feeling. Like one day it just hit me and I just really wanted to carve up my face. For me, it's more because, even after being hospitalized, my parents refuse to understand that there's something wrong with me and that I have issues. I just want to slice my face up so that they can't deny it anymore. I want them to see it and understand. I want them to finally see me. And I can't think of any other way.

Edit: And just to clarify, this isn't a parental attention thing. It's a "I'm seriously fucked and I need you're help" thing. Also, in addition to wanting to cut myself, I also get urges to just start clawing at my face until the skin comes off...

God, it's so hard, isn't it? How are you?

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We've hit our face plenty. It's probably the most common SI we do, punching ourselves in the face or banging head against things. But sometimes we get the specific "I want to cut my face up so bad" thing, yeah. Usually Tri. Sometimes me. Just making lots of pretty lines and patterns with a knife, defacing the body, carving.. a mark into it that its ours, not the other way round, maybe. Sometimes individual headmates wanting to make own mark type thing, mixed in with the usual depression/trauma reasons. 

Haven't given into it yet, don't plan to.

Whisper

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I used to punch myself in the head, but I never had the urge to cut my face.  Although, there was a time when I actually "beat myself up" as a young teenager by repeatedly punching myself in the face and head.  It was pretty bad, and I could easily have given myself a concussion.  To be honest, I'm not entirely sure that I didn't.  This act of SI left marks and caused my face to appear bruised and swollen for a while.  It was really bad, and I definitely think this kind of behavior or urges necessitates MH care.  Urges to cut the face sound like serious business.  Luckily, I've only cut my arms and legs, but I thankfully managed to stop doing that. 

Edited by Steve223
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  • 2 years later...

[specific detail removed] I've one this over 30 times, probably more than 50. It's embarrassing but the scratches heal and makeup helps. When I do it I'm usually extremely mad and feel a sort of "disassociation", and the reality that I jst ripped through the skin on a part of me that everyone will see, "wakes me up", so that I can calm down and not hurt myself or other people in a way that maybe wouldn't heal. I think it's to punish myself over things I've done or not being "good enough". I can control it if I'm left alone, it's usually when i feel overwhelmed by someone bitching at me. Sometimes I am suicidal and I figure, it'll calm me down until I can get a gun, or different other ways I've thought about killing myself. Then I do it and I feel better the majority of the time, but sometimes I have to do it again.

Edited by MiaB
Edited by mod to remove details of self harm. Please read the guidelines to posting on the self injury forum.
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