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:Trigger: I want to say in advance that this could be a bit triggery :Trigger:

I've always been a little curious with my SI(I wont go into detail) but today all of a sudden I had a bit of misguided brain wave; What if I break some of my bones!? I have become totally fixated on the idea, cutting just isnt enough anymore.I think that breaking a bone (or four) would be such a release for me. Breaking a part of me physically when I feel so broken on the inside.

Does anyone else actually fantasise about or activley break any bones?

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I'm sorry you feel so broken right now. At one point during a depressive episode, I fantasized about breaking bones. I was really sick at the time, and I ended up breaking a bone in my hand. I'm telling you: It isn't worth it. Trust me, it will NOT feel good. Not at all. You will end up hurting even more than you were at the start. I felt like a total idiot, and still feel like one. I had to practice holding a pen and writing. It was months before I could write legibly again.

Can you think of something to get your mind off of these thoughts? Write in a journal, listen to loud music, take a cold shower, go for a walk. Anything? There are so many alternatives to SI. I know it is difficult, but you deserve to be safe and unbroken. I think sharing your thoughts with a pdoc or tdoc would be a good idea. If you are thinking about hurting yourself physically, then it is time to get help.

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Guest Vapourware

You really need to talk to your treatment team about this, especially if you are constantly thinking of the idea.

As mentioned, breaking a bone is not worth it. I've fractured my hand once in a fit of anger, and being in a cast is not fun at all.

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Thoughts are thoughts.

They are not commands.

They do not have to be listened to.

I hope that you are able to connect with your health care providers to get some solid in-person support and skills to manage the impulses.

Also, you may feel broken on the inside. But you are not.

Feelings aren't facts.

Just like ideas aren't commands.

They are sources of information.

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Except for a few minor cuts from agave plants, I haven't cut since high school. Then I was pretty active in SI but I just stopped after a while. I once broke 3 bones in my hand and you're right; it hurts.

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  • 6 years later...

i have had the urge to break bones for me it was that i wanted a pain so big that it was all i could think about so i wouldnt have to think the horrible horrible thoughts i was thinking constnatly going round in my head , i dont know what helps tbh i still think about it when my thoughts and mood gets out of hand and the thoughts are constnat but i would agree with the above comment that thoughts are thoughts not commands 

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