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I guess I should probably start with why I'm here.

I've recently decided to, when I turn 30 in a few months, finally an hero for real. But, that's several months for something to make me change my mind. I've never had good experiences with any form of online support before (codependency in comic sans everywhere!), but the front page here piqued my interest and the ToS sold me on giving y'all a shot.

I'm not currently getting any therapy or treatment. In the past, I've had lots of different diagnoses (over a dozen) slapped on me by various doctors, some from doctors coming down on opposite sides of a DDx (or deciding it's both, why not?), some deprecating others (or not) depending on the doctor... it's a mess. Among them:

  • Bipolar Disorder (I, II, or NOS, depending on which doctor you ask)
  • ADHD
  • PTSD
  • OCPD
  • Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Asperger Syndrome
  • Social Anxiety Disorder
  • General Anxiety Disorder
  • Panic Disorder, NOS

And more. Take these with a pinch of salt (and lime if you have one). I sure do. Bottom line, though: I'm crazy.

Like I said, no therapy or treatment. I've had a long history of bad experiences with doctors and therapists, and my last psychiatrist finally soured me to the notion for good. Probably, at least. I'd need to see something damn convincing to overcome my own experience.

I "self medicate" a lot. By which I mean I drink vodka like a communist and bourbon like a villain, smoke cigarettes like William B. Davis and herbal remedies like Lee Perry, and positively guzzle caffeine at all hours of the day and night. Mostly because I can't bear myself, my life, or the world around me in anything resembling a sober state at this point.

So that was all mental health stuff. I feel like I should say something about me aside from that, but there's really no there there anymore. I have no real hobbies, goals, hopes, dreams, skills, job, friends, social life, or favorite sports team. Used to have some of those, but everything I've ever enjoyed is now either completely off-limits to me (permanently) or so horribly tinged with guilt-ridden anxiety that I can't stand thinking about it. I guess I've turned into a shell of a bitter old man already.

So git' off my lawn! I mean, hi.

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Hi, yak! I'm glad you decided to check us out. I hope we can talk you into one more try with the docs and medications, because it doesn't sound like you are very happy with your life the way it is now.

Let us know if there is anything we can help you with, and be sure to check out the blogs and the chat room, if you feel like participating.


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Thanks for the welcomes, all. I think I'm going to head down to the bitch-about-bad-healthcare-experiences board and go kvetch about that last doc. Maybe someone's been through similar crap and has some idea of where to go from there.

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