Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

Hi All,

Just feeling sorry for myself. I just learned a week or so ago that Dermatillomania is a disorder not a stupid bad habit and I confess I am really angry.

I have been compulsively picking my skin for at least 20 years. I don't remember when it started to be honest. My mother tried to help me to kick the "habit" MANY times as a child. She used scare tactics. She would tell me that if I picked my scabs I would get impetigo, sepsis, cancer, or AIDS. She told me often when I got acne that if I picked at my skin on my face I would get an infection that would travel to my brain and then I would die. So now, as an adult who is just now learning that this disorder is a real thing and related to chemical imbalance, I am SOOOOOO Angry.

I want to yell and scream at my mother for terrifying me so much. I am so angry that countless doctors missed it and never bothered to address the sores all over my legs, face, arms, and back.

I feel now like a victim and I am ashamed of that too. I hope that I can learn some self compassion soon so that I can overcome the disorder and cope with the ocd behaviors that I now have regarding disease.

Does anyone else feel like a victim or angry at their loved ones?

Nan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, unfortunately that happens. The "baby" is not always dropped off at the right house. Also, there is no screening test or classes that qualify people to become parents. Sometimes I see so many people who would like to have a baby and yet others mistreat the prescious jewel they have been given. For years, I was angry at my parents for all kinds of inadequecies. I was abused, beaten by teachers and they did not defend me. We were in a comunist country and wanted to get out so they didn't want to risk their chance of getting out. "Supposedly" they were doing that to save me. That is not how I saw it. The two people who should have defended me totally left me unprotected. You can't imagine how that scarred me. I am now 50 years old and I have just recently been able to process (you can forgive but you can't forget). What worked for me was logotherapy. You may want to speak with your T-doc and see if s/he knows how to do that or knows someone who does,

Logotherapy was 'invented' by another austrian psychiatrist named Viktor Frankl. He survived the nazi concentration camps but lost his entire family. Yet, he picked up the pieces and re-started the work he had done. Basically, you take the medication to make yourself better, also take care of your skin, and talk to someone who can guide you through the inmense anger. One day, you will stop banging your head against the wall. They have done you enough damage, don't let anyone get the best part of you, Fight to be free of fear. I am not going to lie and tell you that it will be easy, however, it can be done. At least now you know what is wrong and go about fixing. However, there is very little you can do to "undo"' what was done to you. Unfortunately, you were a victim, now claim your victory over all of them. Make a life of your own with people who love you and appreciate you as you are. Whoever does not want to accept you as you are, then that's just too bad. Do not feel guilty about your anger.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. Unfortunately few people know about Dermatillomania, so your mother wasn't keeping this knowledge from you on purpose, she just didn't know either. If it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't know about it, I don't think I've ever seen it mentioned in books or by doctors. I have this too and have had it since I was a kid, am in my thirties now. It gets worse when I'm anxious, I've never had a doctor mention it, and when I have brought it up they've either given me hydrocortisine cream (didn't help) or like one psychologist did, dismissed it as something that would resolve itself when I was "feeling better". I hope you are able to get the help you need now that you have information about what is wrong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As Maybell said, it's not very well researched. When I first found out about it, I was actually really relieved to know that it was actually a thing, and not just a stupid habit. It is sort of upsetting, though, that so few know about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can relate completely to lack of understanding on parents' part. I had a whole school semester that I just about failed due to not doing any of the work. (I was virtual schooled at the time) What they labeled simply as an issue with procrastination/laziness, I know now to be fed what at the time I didn't realize was bad anxiety. I would put it off because of anxiety, which in turn would cause more anxiety, and then they made me feel like a failure for not getting a handle on my procrastination, which of course helped even more...

What I don't understand is that my mother is on Prozac, so I would think the thought would have crossed her mind. My father believes that anxiety disorders are all in our heads and a choice, so that isn't as surprising... It wasn't until I met my now wife that I have a bit more clarity. I try not to be upset at them, but more and more I find myself doing it anyways. =/

I'm so sorry you had to go through that though, it's not fun being made to feel like you're to blame when there's a deeper issue to it. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By CookieN
      Sometimes out of the blue I get this feeling that I did something wrong and people will come to get me, because of this. Then I keep on reviewing what I did throughout the day and see that I did not do anything wrong. What causes this? Is this ocd or paranoia? How to prevent/deal/improve with this?
    • By CookieN
      Sometimes out of the blue I get this feeling that I did something wrong and people will come to get me, because of this. Then I keep on reviewing what I did throughout the day and see that I did not do anything wrong. What causes this? How to prevent/deal/improve with this?
    • By Blahblah
      How do you distinguish between the Obsessive thoughts/ruminations that are due to depression and the "pure obsessive" type thoughts that are considered OCD?
      I know that you don't have to be compulsive to have an OCD diagnosis (I think) but more & more I see my obsessive, negative ruminations taking over and I wonder if this means I have both OCD and Depression? My brain just gets stuck on a track loop....any sad trigger and I start having related obsessive thought patterns and I cannot escape the resulting mood/emotion that comes with it.
    • By Blahblah
      Just to preface, I don't take Ritalin for ADHD...it's more for Depression, motivation, procrastination, mental stamina purposes.
      Has anyone found that you get TOO focused on it? Maybe because I don't actually have ADHD, but I start working on 1 thing and become OBSESSIVELY focused on it (like it brings out the uber perfectionist in me). I forget to eat, I don't take breaks from my desk, and then my brain just shuts off from exhaustion. At the end, I've accomplished only 1-2 tasks.
      I have great difficulty switching tasks or getting all "priority" things done, because I get so stuck on working for HOURS on the same little thing!
      Basically, my processing speed is much slower, I can't adjust to "fast paced" situations, because I mull on things, make revisions over & over & over etc. On the other hand, if i go without taking it, I lay around, procrastinate, lack all motivation, and I'm unable to start anything at all. Not sure how to solve this? Do other stimulants work in the same way?
    • By Britton777
      Hi everyone. I’ve been bouncing from one trial of medication to another for the past 4 1/2 years with adverse reactions. Nothing has helped. I just saw a new psychiatrist on Monday. An older gentleman who actually seemed to listen. He was also a longtime professor our local university. 
      My symptoms are treatment resistant insomnia, chronic, severe anxiety, chronic derealization, ocd (pure o) racing, intrusive thoughts (often presenting as songs looping in my head, but a switch can also go off in my head where I obsessively think about something to the point of it driving me crazy)  brain fog, depression. My body and brown simply will not turn off. I’m stuck in constant fight/flight.  I believe the lack of sleep is the catalyst for most of this (all of this started after sudden onset of insomnia) Maybe it wouldn’t go away with sleep, but I know it would get better. My main goal is sleep, but seems unattainable after 4 1/2 years.
      I have tried every medication under the sun (well, mostly) 
      The doctor decided to prescribe provigil (modafinil) which seems counterintuitive to me. He was clear that it could go either way. Possible that it could calm me down, possible that it could let me up and make my symptoms worse. 
      Luckily for me, since I am highly sensitive to medication, he is quite conservative  and said to only start with roughly 1/16 of a pill to see how I do. 
      Wondering what your thoughts are on this given my symptoms? Seems counterintuitive...but maybe it will help. So confused. 
×
×
  • Create New...