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Being happy for friends sucks!


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today my best friend told me she is getting married in a month to a guy she has known for ten years. i say the ten years part first as that is the "good" part.

They dated for a few years on and off, he cheated on her, beat her, isolated her from her family then all of a sudden proposed (for the first time) she was taken a back and said she needed to think about it. that very night he cheated on her got another girl pregnant and so the relationship was off and this is how it stayed for many years about 5 or 6 then after she broke it off with her next lovely boyfriend who was emotionally abusive she mysteriously came back in contact with her ex and for 10months they have been seeing each other on and off. two weeks ago he slept with this old lady and realised he loved my friend and once again proposed this time she said yes straight away, hey u wouldnt want to hesitate with this snag given his past record! so they will be married at the courthouse in a month and i have been asked to witness this joyful event of two non-mentally interesting but completely crazy souls in holy matromony. please note they legally have to wait a month to marry thats how despreate they r to tie the knot.

Im trying to be happy for her, as happy as a seriously depressed person can be (pity that mania hasnt kicked in for a long while) but all i see is this friend who i love committing her life, time and friendship to another, someone who in my opinion doesnt deserve such a beautiful loving person.

but hey who am i to judge their happiness because god knows how hard happiness is to find in this world.

anyways i am off to shed a tear or two at the thought of losing a friend. why does it always have to be about me??? boy i am selfish, but i dont have many friends i cant really afford to lose this one cause i think that leaves me with a big fat 0!

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Hey Iona,

You don't sound selfish to me.  You sound like a concerned friend who is feeling protective because you have seen what a bastard this guy can be.

Love it blind though, right?  All you can really do is be there for her when it all falls to pieces.


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Not quite sure how the selfish part got in here. You'd actually be happy if she had decided to marry a nice guy who she'd dated for a few years, wouldn't you?

You're probably not losing a friend, but you may lose your patience. She's going to need you when it all falls apart. Lets hope that happens before the enforced wait is up.  I don't know how much you can say about it, and if you do, you have to contain the "I told you so" later. Also, I wonder how you know they are non-mentally interesting? I suppose this kind of crap isn't interesting, but it sure is screwy!

Reminds me of the story I heard about the impulsive spender who decided to  keep her credit card frozen in a block of ice in her freezer.

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ive unfortunately witnessed this time and time again - and i USED to be that person. as bad as it seems, i used to try and convince my friends to look the other way, explain that they were worth MORE than that...sometimes they listened, sometimes they didnt.

i was stable when i met my SO, and thank god i landed a good one - who can appreciate who i am now...and sticks by me when im severely depressed or suicidal, or when im batshit manic and want to kill anyone who gets in my way.

how can you be happy for them when you KNOW what theyre doing is wrong? sigh.  youre not selfish, youre a good friend.

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Ummm, you forgot she lives in Aussieland.

Converted to metric that is a:

5 x 10 cm board


You are not being selfish.  Just realistic. She is obviously attracted to men who treat her badly.

You don't HAVE to go to the wedding, if it is too painful, or if you fell that you cannot condone and support what she is doing.


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