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Depression, served with a side of anxiety; garnished with PTSD

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So, who the hell am I?

I am a female in my mid-40s, twice widowed by age 39 [Note: both men died of natural causes... just in case you wondered]. Childless by choice.

I have been treated for depression since my 20s, but have had depression, PTSD and anxiety/panic since I was about 6.

I take my meds to keep the suicidal thoughts at bay, not bc they make me feel better.

All of the above, I can handle and hide quite well. I was actually hired in my current position for my "people skills", heh. If they only knew.

What's brought me here:

I have become terrified of so many things: mail, phone calls; worst is someone knocking on the door. Most of my anxiety relates to finances and money but not all.

I also feel a serious cognitive decline in the last 10 yrs or so, most of all in the past 3 years. It's just a feeling; there's been no testing,etc. Scary.

Despite being with a great guy for the last year, the anxiety, depression and self-loathing have only persisted in getting worse. Very troubling.

I'm scared and I'm hurting like a mofo. I feel very alone. My bf is supportive, but he cannot fully understand.

I came here for the implicit understanding and support of peers. This seemed like a very appropriate place to discuss things. I may lurk for a while, but I'll be reading.

Thank you all.

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Well, other than being a widow, i have pretty much your background. A little of everything. Read my profile and see if it fits. Whatever you need, we are here. Wish you luck!

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Welcome to our little corner of the interwebs. It sounds like you have had a lot of loss in your life---I can't imagine the pain of being widowed twice. It's good to hear that you are now in a supportive relationship.

Are you working with a therapist? I just wondered. I would assume that you have a psychiatrist since you are taking psych meds, but if you're not seeing a tdoc, that might be an avenue to pursue. I bet you are because it sounds like you have been in treatment for quite a while.

Read the rules when you have time. I'm glad you came here.


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