stillnessspeaks Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 Hi all... I'm 25, my name's Eva and I'm losing my mind again after 3 months of good/hypomanic moods. i can feel myself slipping into a depression/ptsd episode and i don't want to go through this one alone. I had eating disorders as a teenager until one massive ptsd/depressive episode aged 22 - i lost my appetite and interest in self-improvement (i'm not at all saying EDs are about self-improvement in the general sense... i obviously mean the perfectionism) because i truly believed I was evil. it was amazing for the first time in years i could literally eat anything without feeling anything. i actually lost so much weight because i would have a flashback and couldn't eat. this episode lasted about 14 months with brief hypomanic (on retrospect) days (i filled a notebook with ideas about how i was singlehandedly going to transform the health care system through philosophy, which i had grasped and i had All The Answers... you get it, which i read a week later and made nooooo sense.) So i got better for 5 months last year, as in not suicidal and very up, lots of ideas, distractible and then crashed for 4 and from february till about a week ago i was, shall we say... a bit too high. as in, comments being made at work 'you're a bit manic today!', taking on many new projects which were Urgent, being extremely funny and charming... fun. and now what goes up must come down. i've gone from going fortnights without flashbacks to having several in a day, noticeably feel 'slow' as weary, absolutely no interest in anything, and ruminating (OCD/ptsd) about the two events that i was originally dx's with ptsd for = feeling evil and 'not being allowed' to do anything anyway. i'm on lexapro. tried zoloft and abused it to numb the flashbacks - it did nothing for the depression. considering going back to my GP and asking for a mood stabiliser (her suggestion - she feels I have bipolar 2 due to hypomania and a family hx of it...) i don't want any of this. but that's my story. i wish none of it was happening because i don't want to be 'unwell'. i want to be normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallowedink Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 Welcome to CB! Definitely do go and see your doctor. Hopefully she can help you feel less unwell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Screamingbutterfly Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifequake Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 Welcome to CB! I hope you can cruise the boards and feel connected to some of the people here. I think going back to your GP is a good step to make towards wellness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxyercutexx Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 I'm sorry to hear about your disorders. I have bipolar and anxiety. I'm new to the site as well and I've found it helpful, I intend to use it for as long as I need. If you need a fellow crazy to talk to you've come to the right place! (: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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