Friends change when they see 'the crazy'

[BIMBO]

I have 3 real friends. I've known them for a lot of years and we've been through a lot together. A couple of months ago I had a suicide attempt which I didn't mean to tell anyone about, but I blacked out and called one friend to say goodbye because I was so out of it. I don't remember anything from that night.

He came over and I couldn't walk or do anything and kept passing out, so he called in another friend to come over and she threw me around and wouldn't let me pass out and they stayed until they were sure they didn't need to call an ambulance because they know how my family would react.

I had no intention of telling anyone about it and I'm completely embarrassed and ashamed. But, my third friend who knew nothing has offered me to live at her place in a granny flat. I felt like I should tell her because partly I didn't want her out of the loop and because I feel I owe it to her if I'm going to be living on her property. I've been waiting for her to get the water fixed in the granny flat so I can move in. It was maybe three weeks ago that I told her and I haven't heard anything.

They all know I have BP but I'm pretty private with the extreme crazy stuff because there's no point in freaking people out and because I'm always ashamed. Things just feel different and I don't know how to fix it. I kept dreaming about her all night. It scares me that she might think I can't be trusted with her kids or something like that, which ofcourse isn't true.

I'm only ever a danger to myself, never anyone else. I text her mundane stuff, make small talk. The same with my male friend that I had called. Maybe I'm being paranoid, people have busy lives. I just don't know....

And I don't want to bring any of it up again. Her sons 2nd birthday is coming up and she usually involves me with everything with the kids but when I spoke to her boyfriend he was weird about it. Although she had promised not to tell him anything.

Does it sound like I'm being paranoid? I don't know what to do but I just want to go back to being the eccentric one, not the oh she's a bit scary crazy friend.

[Mnemosyne]

I think you should talk to her about it face to face. I've had one best friend for 26 years. She's seen the good the bad and the ugly and loves me regardless. I have had other friends who claimed they were there like Mishele but have disappeared when it became a reality.it's a harsh reality but it's there none the same. Just be honest and those who are really your friends always will be.

Bipolar I, PTSD, Social Anxiety

Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Trazdaone, Zanex

[Screamingbutterfly]

No you are not paranoid. I know when people find out about the dark side of me I always wonder if that's why I don't hear from them as much. Like the person above me said you just have to be who you are and the people who are really your friends will accept you no matter what. I don't think you have to get into extreme detail about your MI as long as it's not something that would harm someone else as you said it wouldn't. If you live with anyone they are going to find things out about you they didn't know. I think getting into detail people take it worse then when it really actually is. Everyone has something about themselves that other people would find odd. Those are also the same things that make people interesting.

[Guest]

I think if you live with a friend and her kid, you kind of have to have your shit together, be in treatment and make a conscious commitment not to self harm or kill yourself. Friends are there to support you, not do crisis intervention. There is a big difference between being real and letting someone take responsibility for your OD. It's not fair to put people in that position. That may be why they avoid you.