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a little of each

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I'm probably the typical late-blooming BPII bitter old beo...., but went around with severe depression for a long time, maybe even most of my life (I'm 56 yo), there's a touch of PTSD too, and I'll even cop to the possibility of some personality thing...anti-social or NOS

I'm here because I finally became pissed off and disgusted with another group that fell under the influence of an ignorant know-it-all. I was there for years and one trait I've always prided myself on is perseverence (could be stubborness?), but she won out on that :wall: (there were a couple of other members that left also)

a lot of people don't like my attitude, and I do get pretty $&^tty when someone is trying to screw me, and that tends to happen when I make an observation about the truth

my history is parents divorced when I was 4, apparently a huge loss of father for me, narcissistic mother remarried mean guy, divorced, remarried another mean guy, I left home, she remarried an apparent pedophile...and all through this we were raised in a, shall we say, patriarchal or Romneyesque?l religion, often referred to as a cult, that just does wonders for women's self esteem

I went to college about a year where I learned to drink beer and smoke dope, then married first husband because he had really long hair, he was ok, fathered my only child, died of alcoholism a few years ago (the cause of our divorce)

My second marriage ~25years ago was to a rageaholic, wife-beater so didn't last long there. He burnt the house down when the divorce papers were served

When I turned 40, I thought I was almost done raising my daughter, but she multiplied....she inherited the family gene of falliing in love with a$$holes and of course he disappeared and she went catatonic and guess who raised the baby...for the first 10 years

I've done 2 or 3 different 12-step programs (and had a major heartbreak), in-patient, out-patient (a lot), been with my latest therapist and doc more than 10 years, but therapist dx'd with cancer and poor prognosis

my ex-employer was taken over by a huge firm and one by one they've rid themselves of a lot of us...they spent 2 or 3 years playing mind games with me trying to get me to leave, but the persevernce thing ya know...and it didn't really fit into my 3-year plan to pay off all my stuff, so now I'm living on my crappy 401k while it lasts...jobs are not much of a reality for us "old people", but I'm hopeful of finding something I can do online (programmer old-time though)

I don't know why there doesn't seem to be a good irl group without havinig to drive about 30 miles, and I just haven't been willing to get another therapist, so it really helps to have a virtual one...I'm might just mostly lurk for awhile first...yeah, as if

...stephanie :nerdy:

oh, guess I should add the meds: can't remember all the AD's but they would work a while, then "poop out"

Prozac sorta made me angry, removed inhibitions or somethin, I attempted really serious suicide with that one

was given Xanax "prn" for about 2 years...ended up in treatment, then my first 12-step group to get off it

currently on

max dose of Cymbalta, and over-the-max dose of Effexor...I just don't fit into the group that go hypo on AD's

very low dose Seroquel (my new Xanax)

Lamictal, Topamax


micro-dose Thorazine :cool2:

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Hi, Stephanie! Welcome to Crazyboards. It sounds like you have traveled a pretty bumpy road, but you have a great sense of humor even with everything you have been through.

Read the User Agreement when you have time so you understand how we operate. No hugs! heh But you don't sound like one of those huggy types. I know the feeling of being an old broad out of work---it ain't fun.

Let us know if we can explain anything, and be sure to check out the blogs and chat.


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Hi Stephanie. Welcome to CB.

There are various boards you might feel comfortable posting on, particularly Bipolar and PTSD.

This is a great place to find advice, empathy and just to hear you're not alone. I found it comforting to read back on the boards that applied to me to learn from others about things that applied to me. While no one shares your story exactly, you'd be surprised how many share similar stories.

I hope you'll find what you're looking for here.

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