**Trigger** Joking about suicide.

[lifequake]

Edit: *Sorry, ladies and gents, I posted to the wrong forum. Mods, please move as needed *

How do you feel when friends or strangers joke about suicide? So many people I know say things like, "If I fail this test, I am going to commit suicide." Or they say, "I would have to kill myself if...". I'm not an up-tight gal, but sometimes this makes me feel sad and/or irked.

Tonight my roommate was annoyed that I wouldn't tell her a secret about a mutual friend, so she sent me an e-mail saying, "don't worry. 1-800-SUICIDE." I assume she was joking, indicating that she would kill herself if I didn't tell her the secret.

I did not find it funny. I know that she was kidding, but I eventually walked away and started crying. I lost a friend to suicide one year ago, and I, myself, struggle with suicidal ideation on a daily basis. The reason I was hanging out with this roommate in the first place was because I was feeling unsafe! *sigh*

I can only hope/pray/desire that this roommate would never EVER have to know what it feels like to call that hotline after an attempt or to feel so painfully hopeless.

Thanks for reading and/or sharing your thoughts. Peace.

[Guest Vapourware]

I can understand why you responded strongly to the joke about suicide, considering your experiences. I think sometimes people misappropriate terms that are quite serious.

[hallowedink]

I can see why you reacted strongly to that. I think I would have done the same. I often get quite upset if anyone jokes about suicide (especially as I'm currently struggling with suicidal thoughts).

Suicide is another one of those terms that are thrown around carelessly by people who don't understand them. In my opinion it's a very insensitive thing to joke about, considering how serious it is, and you never know if you're joking about it to someone who has actually experienced suicidal thoughts, and that it might trigger them. I find this really distasteful and actually just plain wrong, but what can you do? The people who joke about it have never experienced the depression, the feeling of being overwhelmed, the pain that is behind suicidality, so many of them aren't capable of understanding it.

Oh, and another one that really gets me is "go kill yourself". Even if it's not meant seriously, just said in an argument, it always leaves me a position where I feel like people don't want me alive, so I should just go and "throw myself in front of a bus", or whatever they're suggesting.

[bluelikejazz]

I have friends who will motion cutting their wrists when something bad happens. I told them that if they mention self-harm/suicide I WILL take it seriously. Me responding "I'm concerned you just mentioned self harm, would you like to talk about it?"

It made it awkward enough that the next time they did it they apologised immediately, and then they never did it again. I was good friends with that person, I probably wouldn't do that with everybody.

[claire466]

I don't like it when people joke about suicide, because i used to want to end my life (and have tried) when i was in a very bad place, and felt like they were no hope. But i'm in a better place now, and life is good.

[Rose Tyler]

Suicide is a really sore subject for me and even hearing people joke about it makes me react strongly. For Christmas this year a friend gave me a "bunny suicides" calendar a week after a failed suicide attempt.

[Becks]

I too would not have been happy.

I know someone personally who likes to use suicide as a way to get what she wants. She throws the term around whenever she doesn't get her own way and she tries to manipulate people with it. I put her in her place though. She was trying to use it to manipulate us into letting our son stay behind (we're moving). I told her I needed to speak with her mother, that suicide was serious and I don't take comments like that lightly. She immediately changed her tune and apologized.

When I'm depressed or in a mixed episode I struggle horrible with thoughts of suicide.....so I take jokes as threats. It irks me too.

[kittyloaf]

I can't tolerate jokes about suicide.

I'm rather shy IRL but suicide jokes make me too angry to keep quiet.

[lavender fairy]

I had a friend who told me several times that someone doing something bad to her made her want to jump off a bridge. She said it rather lightly, and it really bothered me. I had no idea if she was being serious or not. In the end, I put distance between myself and her because I didn't like being around someone who talked so lightly of suicide when I myself have attempted suicide and thought of suicide many times.

[gizmo]

Like all of you, I've went through my periods of considering suicide. It bothers me just as much to hear people jokingly talk about hurting or killing themselves as it does when they joke about being bipolar. It's just the general, unintelligent belittling of a horrible mental condition that we have to suffer through - and they have absolutely no idea the hell people with these illnesses go through.

If I'm around someone like that, and they know about my history, I simply say to them that this subject hits too close to home, and I'd appreciate it if they'd refrain from using phrases like that. If it's in a group of people I don't know and don't know me, I simply stare at them stone-faced until they start to feel as uncomfortable as I do. I've found that staring harshly at someone for a couple of minutes is enough to either shut them up or drive them away so I don't have to listen to their idiotic comments.

[lifequake]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. It helps to know that I am not the only person who is sensitive to jokes about suicide and self-harm.

[The one lurking behind you]

I am really sensitive to this when people are so trivial about it "The printer doesn't work, may as well jump out a window" Though I myself am guilty of saying this it is only a recent thing and I do it to 'fit in' so I appear to have the same idiotic ignorance of the subject when in reality I struggle almost every day with suicidal ideation.

[annabelle 18]

urgh I know! just since entering college I hear it said over and over and its always over something so trivial. I keep quiet or smile/roll my eyes but I dont say anything other than that.

if I EVER heard someone telling a person to go kill themselves though... that is an entirely different story. I havent heard that before but I am sure that I would not tolerate that. I would probably glare angrily and say; " you should NEVER say something like that to someone. no matter how much they annoy you or how much you hate them. you never know if someone will actually listen. [then I would try to make it not as obviously emotional for me by shrugging and saying] its just not right and isnt a good idea"

[San]

I had an ex-boyfriend post a picture on my Facebook wall with me tagged. It was a sign that said "Don't leave your car running in the garage!"

He's always trying to push my buttons. I untagged it and blocked him.

[crtclms]

I had an ex-boyfriend post a picture on my Facebook wall with me tagged. It was a sign that said "Don't leave your car running in the garage!"

He's always trying to push my buttons. I untagged it and blocked him.

That act show that he's way crazier than you are. By miles.

[Mamabug]

It bothers me too. I have a friend who was constantly saying, "I'm gonna kill myself if...(fill in the blanks)" I finally said, Are you really going to kill yourself? Because I care about you too much and have lost too many people to not be affected by that statement. She had no idea it bothered me so much, and apologized and hasn't said it since. But we were close so I felt comfortable enough to say it to her...I don't think I could say that to someone I wasn't close with.

[wj74]

I hear that frequently in my circles, along with the OCD comments, and so-and-so must be bipolar, blah blah blah. The suicide hotline comment would have upset me, I can't even tell you how many times I called that number in my teens.

[Cherriichan]

I hate it when people around me joke about suicide or SI. It brings up a lot of memories and experiences and feelings for me; there have been many times when I have tried to attempt to end my life and even the smallest of references to it make me panic and drag me closer to the brink again.

I get irritated when people say things like "I'm going to kill myself if I fail X" or "If I don't do Y, I'll kill myself"; I can't tell the difference between a joke and serious problems when it comes to suicide jokes and I take them very seriously, because I don't know if they mean it or not. If people have a bad day and say "Oh when I get home I'll kill/cut myself", that gets on my nerves and worries me. I get so worried about them and if they're really going to do something that could mean they get seriously hurt, I won't stop worrying until I know they're safe.

What irritates me is the things it brings home for me, and how the reasons others joke about suicide are trivial and not worth the effort. The people in my 'friendship' groups use it as a threat to manipulate people, abusing the entire thing and not understanding that the experiences that lead up to a person considering taking their own life and suicidal ideation are horrible, torturous and extremely painful; far from trivial and petty.

[annabelle 18]

I hear that frequently in my circles, along with the OCD comments, and so-and-so must be bipolar, blah blah blah. The suicide hotline comment would have upset me, I can't even tell you how many times I called that number in my teens.

I am extremely guilty of saying "ive been so OCD lately"(I am not... as far as I know haha. I can be obsessive compulsive but havent been diagnosed or anything) or teasing a family member by saying "OCD!" when she cant relax until something is cleaned. I know I shouldnt give her a hard time especially because she might have very very slight OCD tendencies.Im trying to stop saying things like that... you never know what is going on with other people.

at dinner the other night a family member called me a "bipolar vegetarian" because I have tried and failed multiple times to become vegetarian because I love meat so much. he has no idea that I actually am Bipolar. my parents know though (even if they dont believe it) and they both looked kindof awkward. I laughed it off but it wouldve been easier if they didnt look so uncomfortable. the other 2 family members there didnt pick up on it though so it was all good.

I was on facebook once and on the homepage I saw someone had posted on their friends wall the suicide hotline. I was in shock because I thought it was serious. then I read the comments(creeper haha) and saw it was totally a joke that friend 1 had posted becasue friend 2 was going on about how embarassing something was.

it seems that in an effort to make mental illness not so... tabboo (?) that somehow it is now perfectly acceptable to make jokes about in everyday conversation. the transition didnt quite work so well. It isnt something that is as horribly misunderstood in the way that people are afraid of people with MI as if they will hurt someone or they will catch it themselves because they are so 'Crazy' like it used to be but now it is not taken seriously(with exceptions) and as a result people STILL have to hide it because people are afraid of being told they are being overdramatic and they dont really have ___ or need meds.

anyways jeez sorry I already commented on this but apparently I needed to rant a second time around as well

[FlamelessCandle]

For anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide, it is very painful to hear people trivialize it, although I realize they probably do not mean any harm and are simply uninformed.

What I've done at times when I am REALLY sick of the "I am gonna put a gun to my head if the boss comes around one more time" (and this really tends to shut down the conversation & stop the jokes .... it also accomplishes some education at the same time) is to say: "I don't know if you are joking or not. I hope you are joking. because are you aware that depression is a disease that kills? Yes, depression kills. Especially untreated depression. My first husband - my children's father - suffered from untreated depression and it killed him. He committed suicide. So I'd very much appreciate it if you wouldn't joke about it. It's just too hard for me to hear."

It's probably rather mean and "over the top" on my part, but I don't care...even of ertr It's true - depression kills and people need to realize it.