newboots Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 In 2010 I was put on an SSRI for "anxiety". (Suggested, I should note, after a 30 minute meeting with a councilor, and prescribed in good faith by my PCP.) It exacerbated the problems I was having, and essentially made me bipolar. After looking back on a few months of a mood journal, the moods were distinctly cyclical. I was unable to "see" it while it was happening, but on retrospect I was cycling in and out of mania or psychosis - hyperactivity and agitation, extreme paranoia of being followed and watched, delusional levels of some cosmic guilt, certainty of being haunted and influenced by the dead (though no auditory hallucinations), and the overwhelming drive to hurt myself to get the thoughts to stop. After a lot of life changes, I am back where I started, unmedicated. I am becoming concerned that I am still experiencing these mood cycles, but partly due to my inability to self-assess, and partly due to the less extreme intensity of the symptoms, that I cannot see how badly off I am. In particular, I am worried about "negative symptoms", which sound extreme in written form but seem very familiar to me when I see them on other people - emotional flatness, lack of focus, inability to complete basic household chores, a tendency towards tangentiality, and the most distresing symptom of not being able to THINK -- "restrictions in the fluency and productivity of thought" sounds rather accurate. Sometimes my thoughts won't stop, but other times I sit and stare and think nothing. Is my reaction to the medication indicative of Bipolar, despite its usual lesser intensity? Is it possible to have a Bipolar-like reaction to medication without being Bipolar? Additionally, is it possible I am experiencing some sort of low-grade psychosis more frequently than I realize? Do other psychotic disorders besides bipolar experience it episodically rather than always? (I know you can't really give me any difinitive yes-or-no answers here, but I want to make sure I'm not totally off on any of these concerns. Currently waiting to hear back from a local treatment center for an intake appointment with a new pdoc.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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