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I don't want to be happy


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I don't know why but I don't want to be happy, in fact it scares me. Does anyone know why? I even feel like running away because I know I can't be happy on the streets. I'm getting help for sexual abuse and cutting. I want to be emotionally or phisically abused, or bullied, or kidnapped. Sometimes i'll not eat breakfast and lunch because I know it hurts to pay attention at school like that and sometimes i'll force myself awake till 12:00 or 1:00 because the rest of the day will really suck. This is starting to scare me.

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Sometimes when you are depressed, anxious or coping with a serious trauma people don't want to be happy they just want to somehow survive the day. I'm glad to hear that you are getting help. Maybe talking to someone about why you want to be abused and hurt is a good idea. Being honest about your feelings is best.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so poorly and I hope that you will be gentle with yourself.

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Sometimes when you are depressed, you feel like you don't deserve to be happy, and kind of take a pre-emptive stance: "I'm never going to feel happy again, so fuck it, I might as well not even try. In fact, fuck everything, I'm going to destroy my life."

But you almost certainly will feel better someday, and then I hope you will be able to start learning how to enjoy your life.

ETA: I have felt like the above several times, and am now truly leading a happy, if insanely stressful, life.

Edited by crtclms
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