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Why don't I want to be happy?


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I don't know why but I don't want to be happy, in fact it scares me. Does anyone know why? I even feel like running away because I know I can't be happy on the streets. I'm getting help for sexual abuse and cutting. I want to be emotionally or phisically abused, or bullied, or kidnapped. Sometimes i'll not eat breakfast and lunch because I know it hurts to pay attention at school like that and sometimes i'll force myself awake till 12:00 or 1:00 because the rest of the day will really suck. This is starting to scare me.

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Have you always been like this?... sometimes during the teens years some weeks to months may be hard..

these may help:

-> eating good/healthy food

-> getting enough sleep, ( 9/10 hours + )

-> take vitamins

-> exercise

etc?..

and like, your doc may make a script for you of some anti-dependents?.. they will make you feel much happier and lifted :)

have a nice life...

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Augh, I thought I posted in this thread; I must have been in preview.

Sometimes when I have been depressed, I have felt like I didn't deserve anything good to happen ever again. So I pre-empted the idea of nothing good ever happening for me again, by acting like good things were trite, or childish. I kind of took the attitude of, "Yeah, that's how life is: Fuck it, I don't care anyway. In fact, fuck ALL of it, I'm going to now self-destruct."

It can get better.

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