Sonny Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 OK here is my long story. I am looking for feedback from some med-vets. 18 years ago. Bad depression. No meds (I was a punk kid). It subsided. 10 years ago. I felt that my 'switch was tripped' too easy. Doc gave me Paxil. Mellowed me right out. Couldn't handle sleeping 24/7 so I tried everything else. Wellbutrin (too wired). Zoloft (is there a diffeence between this and paxil?). Effexor(not toooo bad). but Yuck Yuck and Yuck. New Doc. I tell him that yes I should have something that makes me less 'volatile' but my big concern now is that the past few years I have noticed a gradual but significant decline in my focus, attention etc. He tries Strattera and Ritalin (at different times). These might be great at parties, but daily? yuck. These burn me right out. He tries Depakote. I had my first taste of true insanity. I think the word is a paradoxical? I was wigged out. yuck. So I took a break. Went back to Effexor for a while (37.5) and now came to him and said lets try again. He suggested Topamax. Now here is where I am having a moral dillema. I definitely eat like a person shouldn't. Frequently and incessantly. I like the idea that this is used for controlling binge eating because thats probably what I would be a candidate for. I weighed 265 (fatass) and really went gonzo and got down to 215 (semi-fatass) but it was a 24hr/day struggle. Not a weight loss plan but a maniacal war on fat that absorbed my life - not a sustainable weight loss plan. I now weigh 255 - 2 year cycle from beginning to end. I like the idea it controls moods. And I like the fact it makes you lose weight (I know, I know MAYBE - but at least I wont be a tank like on Paxil). Here are my concerns: Day 3 and I already feel like George Bush could outsmart me. I know I know everyone says it goes away - but in my job I have to think HARD. Will I ever be normal (or near it) on this drug? I am on day three of 25mg for christs sake! Am I doing what Jerrod warned against and using this as a vanity drug? Why cant these answers be simple? Like Nuclear Physics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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