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I'm totally and completely new here, and have no idea really what I'm doing, but I felt the need to just GET MY THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD. I feel like they're circling around in my brain, slowly chipping away at my sanity. Am I okay? WTF is going on?? I just feel like I'm going freaking crazy! Half of the day, I lay around on my floor (no joke) and either watch TV or go online, feeling like a lazy depressed slob, the other half of the day I feel agitated and the need to move around, clean, organize shit, etc. I've been seeing my psychiatrist 2x a week for the past several weeks (started with an every day meeting while I was inpatient for non-psych related medical issues). Currently he's out of the office for a week and a half...that's two visits that I'm missing, and I feel like I'm going to EXPLODE...or implode. I constantly feel like I need to punch/throw things (though I don't, because I feel guilty about feeling that way)...I should probably mention that I've been dx-ed with MDD, with aspects of GAD/OCD, which I suppose is true (I have a bit of a problem with psychiatric hypochondria, if there is such a thing). I feel like I don't know what's wrong with me, I know something is, I think...I don't know... GOD I just feel like screaming and tearing my hair out! It's been a week and a day since my last psych appt, and I'm going NUTS. I talk to him about stuff I never talk about to anyone else, and it's all building up inside me. I keep getting thoughts popping into my head...weird morbid stuff like gory images, SI/suicidal stuff (ps: just thought, not action!) or just insults from the back of my head talking to me, like "lazy", "loser", "moron" etc, etc. I tend to get obsessive about thoughts and feelings in particular, and tend to analyze them to DEATH (pdoc says it's my defense mechanism). I just feel so confused and scared.

Sorry for the rant... I think I just really need someone to talk to.

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I don't know if there's anyone on call for him...I tend to be a bit sensitive with who I talk to...had some issues with a seriously whacked out school guidance counselor years back. I've basically just been driving around to get out and try to keep the shit in my head at bay...thanks for the suggestion though :)

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I can relate to this. I have thoughts that circle endlessly in my head and they replay and replay and replay til I just want to scream.

I also have echoes of voices in my head that shout out nonsense words or at some points will call me names like what you had mentioned.

I don't understand.

I know this isn't any help, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

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I can relate to this. I have thoughts that circle endlessly in my head and they replay and replay and replay til I just want to scream.

I also have echoes of voices in my head that shout out nonsense words or at some points will call me names like what you had mentioned.

I don't understand.

I know this isn't any help, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Mochi ... you are the first one to mention the echoes that I've read about. I have these too, and call them echo bands (the voices gave them that name and I have called them that ever since). They bother me more than the voices most of the time. They tend to echo what I am thinking, but sometimes words to a song will echo. I hate this.

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How long have you been on your current meds, maybe it's time for an adjustment? Also, are you seeing a therapist as well as your pdoc? A lot of times a tdoc plus a pdoc is the best way to go. Sorry you're having a rough time right now.

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I've been on them for about 4-ish months (including building up to my current dose. I don't know if it's the meds, and I'd be a little nervous to go up on the Prozac, it makes me kind of activated for the first few days (super jittery, can NOT stop moving my feet). My pdoc basically is my therapist... I dunno how common that is, but I see him twice a week for an hour to talk... I reeeally want to talk to him, I just hate feeling so pathetic and needy...I flip flop between that and feeling like a monster and a menace, ick. He knows I have a tendency to spin things up in my mind, and go with whatever weird feelings I may have, so he's good at talking me down, but sometimes I just wish he'd take me a little more seriously, I wish ANNYONE would just take me seriously :/ ... I apologize if I sound complain-y :( I really do appreciate the comments and advice <3

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Is this level of agitation new? Or does it kind of build up, then when you see your pdoc it is kind of a release, and then starts building up again?

Because if you have never been this agitated before, you need to talk to the covering pdoc about it, now.

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The agitation ebbs and flows, right now my legs and and arms are just really twitchy (which in and of itself is kind of disturbing), but it definitely gets better when I talk to my pdoc. Sometimes, it's really bad, like I wrote about earlier, which is new for me, it's never been at this level before. I think I'll be okay for the next day, my pdoc's back and I have an appt Tuesday. But I'll definitely tell him, cuz it's scary when it's that bad! Thanks for the concern <3

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I've been on them for about 4-ish months (including building up to my current dose. I don't know if it's the meds, and I'd be a little nervous to go up on the Prozac, it makes me kind of activated for the first few days (super jittery, can NOT stop moving my feet). My pdoc basically is my therapist... I dunno how common that is, but I see him twice a week for an hour to talk... I reeeally want to talk to him, I just hate feeling so pathetic and needy...I flip flop between that and feeling like a monster and a menace, ick. He knows I have a tendency to spin things up in my mind, and go with whatever weird feelings I may have, so he's good at talking me down, but sometimes I just wish he'd take me a little more seriously, I wish ANNYONE would just take me seriously :/ ... I apologize if I sound complain-y :( I really do appreciate the comments and advice <3

I've also had my pdoc as my therapist. It worked out ok until I fired him years later.

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Yikes, what happened (if you don't mind my asking)?

I was seeing him 3 times a week, with intense therapy. Insurance covered it. Everything was more than good for awhile. But all of a sudden he cut me down to 1 and 1/2 times a week, still needing the intense therapy. He did this because part of my insurance wasn't paying him enough. I was pissed b/c this had never gotten in the way (money, I mean). He never let it.

Then I dont remember the actual circumstances, but he emailed me calling me an invalid, always wanting attention from growing medical problems. It was a longer email (on the longer side), so there was more said. But those things alone really made me think twice if he was the one I should have as my pdoc. Then one time I ended up in the hospital, no one knew where I was except him. He went on to tell my parents where I was because he "knew how it was to be a parent" and knew they were worried. That pretty much set the stage for me firing him. I ended up in another hospital because I wanted more help, and there I found a new pdoc. And fired the other one.

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Is there anything you can do to self-soothe or that alleviates it whilst you're trying to get in contact with pdoc?

What can you do right now? play video games? exercise? take a bath?

Trying to keep myself busy until next appt on Friday, just saw pdoc yesterday. Basically occupying myself with tv and iPod games.

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God that sucks, I'm sorry :( I hope your new pdoc is working out well for you! <3

Thanks :) yes, he is. This was years ago, and the new pdoc I found I still have now and dont plan on leaving unless he goes directly against the HIPAA Laws like he has once. He almost did a second time but before he was able to open the door I yelled out "HIPAA LAWS!!!" and he backed down. So hopefully he gets the message. When i saw him today things went really well.

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