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M@ri

Another newbie looking for support and a way to stay clear of the pit

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Hi everyone

I'm an expat who moved abroad to live with my partner and I would describe my situation as "failure to thrive." I've had depression in the past as well as anxiety. I used eating disorders to cope for many years.

I just started some treatment for my anxiety (beta blockers), but it's not yet touched my depression. There is a lot of self-loathing happening. I am homesick and not getting out much because I am unemployed (although I do volunteer and work on a casual basis).

When I moved here a few years ago, I had just graduated with the top of my class, was freshly married, and things were looking up. However, I was so stressed from it all that I kind of collapsed into a depressed state. I had a few temp jobs and applied and applied for many jobs, but never did find anything permanent. It really crushed my confidence and now I let the fear of rejection and fear of being labeled a failure cripple my job search. I'm feel like I'm stuck in a whirlpool of being motivated for a job search, knowing that I'd be a great employee with even a modicum of support, and then a crash back to being paralyzed when I know I won't even get a chance.

I'm fairly isolated and have only made a couple of friends here and I'm just sick my predicament.

I'm hoping that I will find (and give back) the support here of like-minded individuals who are looking to affect positive change in their lives.

Thanks for reading.

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Hello and Welcome to CB! I think you will find this to be a supportive place where you can find information and a sense of community.

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Hi Wayward. I can relate to so much of what you describe. It's hard to have your confidence eroded but somehow continue to try to sell yourself. Knowing you could thrive with the right support but feeling crappy that you need to prove this to someone before they'll give you a chance. That's how it can feel to me at least. The self-loathing that permeates my normal life is something I'm able to cope with when I'm not having to market myself, but add a job hunt and it takes on a whole new dimension. Lots of anxiety, lots of depression, so much fun.

Anyway I'm just meaning to say hi and welcome.

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