its like a battle in my head

[nicola77]

I recently started seeing my parents every week where as before that its was only christmas and birthdays but I can't self harm on my arm because my mam always says that if I do it she will do it and she has proven me right (she has a personality disorder) and it upsets my sister but all I want to do is self harm and I'm considering making excuses to my family so I don't have to go around to there's and I will be able to self harm , my boyfriend is ok about it aslong as I don't go too deep and if I keep it clean I just can't decide what to do

[nicola77]

Has this gone online properly?

[WinterRosie]

Am I reading it correctly that your family drives you to hurt yourself? Is there a way that you can limit your contact with them on the grounds of personal safety? Or is it that if you don't spend time with your family you have time alone to hurt yourself in instead?

I think that your boyfriend needs to have some education, somehow. Sure it starts out that way, but the endorphin rush means that it can easily escalate out of control. Maybe that doesn't need to be your job. Maybe he and your sister can work together to help you to stay safe?

Have you checked out the list of distractions that we've got made. Maybe try some of those and see if any click with you?

[nicola77]

My mam self harmed a lot when I was a little kid and she started talking to me when I was about 8 or 9 because I was very mature for my age and I started self harming at 13 they found out when I was 15 because of a suicide attempt my mam said that if I did it again that she would do it, to punish me, although she did self harm herself 2 months ago