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I have been so GD depressed these last few days and I don't know how to get out of it. I've been getting my treatments regularly and they used to work. The thing is I've had quite a few life changes and I'm not adjusting well. I went back to work after years of not working and I'm not doing good at my job. I can't help but think what a failure I am. I used to be really good at what I do.

It has gotten so bad that I am seriously suicidal. It is a good thing that we lock up all my medication because if we didn't I would seriously take them all. And I don't think I'd walk to the hospital this time.

I'm not sure what I have to do to get out of this funk. But I haven't been doing my school work, I haven't been exercising, I've just been sitting back and watching the days go by.

I keep thinking, I'm forking out so much money for weekly treatments and now it isn't working, so maybe I should just stop. It doesn't matter how successful it has been in the past, it isn't working now.

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It concerns me that all that lies between you and an attempt is a lock. I understand that you are receiving treatment, but how recently have you become this depressed, and how much have you communicated to your treatment team? I think you should go to the ER, but I think you could have guessed that.

Did any of those meds in that long list of former RXs work? Is it possible to rotate through one or two that helped in the past? I re-used migraine medications (most of which were ACs) after a gap of a few years, they seemed to regain their efficacy in many cases.

I don't know what to add about your job situation. My husband is going through the same thing because of his epilepsy surgery. It is brutal.

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I, too, am concerned about you. If you are feeling this badly and if a lock is the only thing that stands in the way of harming yourself, I urge you to go to the ER and to contact your current treatment team. I am sorry that your treatments are not working as they have in the past, but you can enlist help to get you through this rough time. Can you talk to your employer about taking a leave of absence? Honestly, I do not know all of the details of your situation. All I know is that you have a lot of courage and strength to persist as you have through many treatments. Please take care. You do not need to keep sliding down hill.

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