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Well, HEY! It's "Crazy Charlotte!"


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I just found this board today and I love it. Not stuffy at all. Anyway, I'm Charlotte.

I'm bipolar(rapid cycles..I do believe I am currently coming off of a 6 month manic episode), I have terrible anxiety, and I'm a binge purger.Seriously. I can eat as much as a 200lb man..and more. It's impressive. I am over-the-top out of control with pretty much everything in my life from food, men, booze, and the list goes on. I am also infectious and people love having me around until I become so much that even the wild ones can't deal with me anymore.

SUMMARY OF THE ONE AFTER ANOTHER BS I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH FOR TWO YEARS :

My dumbass best friend dies of an OD, one month later I have a falling out with my cousin because her creepy boyfriend molests me while I am passed out drunk, one month later my grandfather dies. During this time I am insanely depressed and crazy, I find out my boyfriend is cheating on me, I get pregnant a month later, I'm alone during the pregnancy because he is on the road the whole time, he cheats on me 2 months after our daughter is born, and finally in February I called it quits(our daughter was 7 months.) Since then I have been absolutely ca-razy. I was close to my daughter, but now she causes anxiety and resentment. My ideal life of having a family is no more and all plans have changed. I am back living with my parents since the break up and they help me take care of my daughter. They drive me INSANE. How the fuck can I take care of another human being when I feel the way I do? It is the most overwhelming feeling EVER. I HATE IT. I really just want to get in the car and drive away. I.am.fucking.up.

I have been binge drinking, partying, dating one guy after another (I have to have a guy. Yes, low self esteem.) Not only do I have to have a guy, I usually have to have more than one guy to validate whatever it is I feel I need. Even though I do not like myself, at the same time I know I am attractive and I use that to get what I want from nearly everyone. I have gone from having 7 sexual partners, to 16 in 5 months. Most I don't even remember because I was so drunk. I treat pretty much all of them(except for about 4 of them which I do/did care for) like nothing, because I don't see them as anything else except for a fun time. I have a major problem with committment and I care more about my feelings than theirs

Okay, I am rambling on and forgetting the most recent, important thing. I became best friends with someone two months ago, and he introduced me to all my new friends now. He didn't judge me and always forgave me when I would do stupid drunk shit I was always doing. We were both big drinkers. He always talked me down off the ledge and things were REALLY looking up for me because of David. He became like my rock, and well, he died in a wreck last Friday. So I am just..fucked. I feel like a lost puppy..everything is going to change now. I haven't been acting out because the last thing he said to me was how proud he was that I hadn't been getting black out drunk and acting like a crazy whore. Ha-Ha-Ha. I haven't gotten black out drunk in weeks, I haven't had any guy in weeks..and I am off sex until I am in a relationship. MY NEW RULE(..for now...damn it..) Anyway, Basically whenever things start to look up for my mind, something else happens to fuck it up. Um...karma? Did I do something so horrible I am not aware of? I am a broken, unhappy girl that has an extremely hard time coping with anything. I fall apart. I can't deal. I think a lot of people think I am this conceited hard ass bitch that it's okay to be mean to because I don't care. I brush things off. Well, most of the time, I don't.

I went to my new shrink today and he prescribed Lamictal (again) and Geodon for anxiety. SO we will see how this works. This was the plan and I am forcing myself to take control of life again for David and my daughter. I really want to be a good mother again. This SUCKS. I know what I need to do to be happy. I just need to do it. I don't want to run anyone off that I care about. I have fucked up so many relationships.

Wow okay this was pretty therapeutic..and.... long.

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Hi and welcome to Crazyboards.

It sounds like you have traveled a pretty rocky road. I'm sorry that your friend died in a crash, and I hope that we can give you some support and help you to get your life on track.

Please read the rules---it avoids problems later on. Also, the site is indexed by google, so keep that in mind if you put any identifying information in your posts.

olga

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Honesty! I like that:) and to be perfectly honest with you, we are all a crazy here. Some more fucked up than others, but Im sure we have all had our moment of torturous, utter chaos. I know I have had my fair share when hypomanic or psychotic. I think youll do great here. Im new too, but so far so good. People seem like good people, and are blunt and honest when the occasion suits it. Good luck with your new state of mind, and new endevours. People usually suck, but its interesting how a select few can have such a HUGE inpact on ones life.

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