Jump to content

Why are people so MEAN here?


adianoeta

Recommended Posts

I really appreciate this forum and 90% of the advice and feedback I get. There's just that nasty 10% that want to get under my skin and make me feel as shitty as their shitty lives must be. I don't understand how people can be so mean. Some of them are just on a power trip, I guess. Some of them like to follow me around and throw their two cents in because I am a worthy opponent. But I'm not playing a game. This is my life that I share, which by the way, is shitty enough.

These people know who they are.

I mean, it's crazy town, right? There's going to be some people with severe personality disorders.

It never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be. But it's everyone else who has to put up with it, not just me. I just have to realize that there's a reason why they lash out, and try to take it with a grain of salt. A lot of people can use these forums with gracious intentions, politely, and in a way that can help. I feel sorry for those that can't, and for everyone that is being harassed by them.

Let's be real... I know I'm not the only one!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cruelty and personality disorders are not synonymous. Not everyone with a personality disorder is a cruel asshole and not every asshole has a PD.

I think in any forum this size there will be people who don't get along. Ignore is a good function to make friends with on that front.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

this is a forum where people do not shower you with fucking internet hugs and all kinds of sympathy. If you're being irrational, you're going to be told such.

If you don't like it, you have the option of leaving.

You know that old saying about the heat in the kitchen. . .

I've put up with it. I can take tough love. That's why I'm here.

If you don't like it, there are other forums where people won't be as honest with you as they can because they'll get a warning.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude to you, just real with you.

Granted, I haven't necessarily been following your posts, so I don't know exactly what's going on. I'm sure that if someone is out of line, they'll be told that.

ETA: Yes you CAN also use the ignore function if you don't want to leave. tryp brought up a good point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not sure why you need to single out personality disorders, more than a little offensive... I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone said something similar about a condition you suffer from.

But anyway, around the time I first joined, I seemed to clash with a handful of members and felt similar to how you do now. Took me a while to realize that they were just saying what needed to be said, offering the viewpoints I couldn't or wouldn't see because I'm stubborn as fuck (and also mid-episode.) I'm pretty sure I've read the threads and posts that have prompted this response from you and I can't say that I think these members were harassing you at all, though I understand that you feel that way. Best I can say is I guess you just need to take a little break and consider how it looks from other perspectives. Everyone is coming from somewhere different and has something different to offer. I truly don't think anyone wants you to feel shitty, they want to help.

And I think I'm saying what I've got to say politely and graciously, but if it's not coming across that way, I apologize.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This site isn't as touchy-feely as some I've been to, but basically people try to give honest opinions. Is there a way you can just take what you need and leave the rest? They may be trying to give you a different way of looking at things and they could be wrong. But, no you aren't the only one who feels that people are "mean", I've seen posts like this before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

this is a forum where people do not shower you with fucking internet hugs and all kinds of sympathy. If you're being irrational, you're going to be told such.

If you don't like it, you have the option of leaving.

You know that old saying about the heat in the kitchen. . .

I've put up with it. I can take tough love. That's why I'm here.

If you don't like it, there are other forums where people won't be as honest with you as they can because they'll get a warning.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude to you, just real with you.

Granted, I haven't necessarily been following your posts, so I don't know exactly what's going on. I'm sure that if someone is out of line, they'll be told that.

ETA: Yes you CAN also use the ignore function if you don't want to leave. tryp brought up a good point.

It's not what they say, it's how they say it. I'm a very up front, brazen person myself, but people have definitely been out of line and haven't been told this at all. I know you're being sarcastic when you suggest that I am looking for someone to boo-hoo to, so I'm not offended by that, see? It's when people get personal and ASSume things that come out of their asses that really ticks me off.

Thank you for letting me know I have the option of leaving. *rolls eyes*

I'm not going anywhere.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

this is a forum where people do not shower you with fucking internet hugs and all kinds of sympathy. If you're being irrational, you're going to be told such.

If you don't like it, you have the option of leaving.

You know that old saying about the heat in the kitchen. . .

I've put up with it. I can take tough love. That's why I'm here.

If you don't like it, there are other forums where people won't be as honest with you as they can because they'll get a warning.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude to you, just real with you.

Granted, I haven't necessarily been following your posts, so I don't know exactly what's going on. I'm sure that if someone is out of line, they'll be told that.

ETA: Yes you CAN also use the ignore function if you don't want to leave. tryp brought up a good point.

It's not what they say, it's how they say it. I'm a very up front, brazen person myself, but people have definitely been out of line and haven't been told this at all. I know you're being sarcastic when you suggest that I am looking for someone to boo-hoo to, so I'm not offended by that, see? It's when people get personal and ASSume things that come out of their asses that really ticks me off.

Thank you for letting me know I have the option of leaving. *rolls eyes*

I'm not going anywhere.

Where in the FUCK did I say you needed someone to "boo hoo" to? Please let me fucking know because I don't recall saying that shit.

If everyone is talking out of their asses, HEY, we're ALL fucking crazy, not JUST you. And I don't believe people talk out of their asses.

You're welcome for suggesting you leave. :::rolls eyes at this fucking stupid ass post::::

Link to comment
Share on other sites

this is a forum where people do not shower you with fucking internet hugs and all kinds of sympathy.

If you don't like it, you have the option of leaving.

It's not what they say, it's how they say it. I'm a very up front, brazen person myself, but people have definitely been out of line and haven't been told this at all. I know you're being sarcastic when you suggest that I am looking for someone to boo-hoo to, so I'm not offended by that, see? It's when people get personal and ASSume things that come out of their asses that really ticks me off.

Thank you for letting me know I have the option of leaving. *rolls eyes*

I'm not going anywhere.

Where in the FUCK did I say you needed someone to "boo hoo" to? Please let me fucking know because I don't recall saying that shit.

If everyone is talking out of their asses, HEY, we're ALL fucking crazy, not JUST you. And I don't believe people talk out of their asses.

You're welcome for suggesting you leave. :::rolls eyes at this fucking stupid ass post::::

LMAO! Scroll up to the line i singled out. You certainly did infer this.

You don't believe people talk out of their asses? Really?

And by the way, you're being incredibly rude. IGNORE.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now, now.....let us all take a step back and calm down.

adianoeta, if you feel that someone has dumped on you or been very obnoxious, you have the ability to report the post and the moderators will check into it and take appropriate action. If we feel that our members are just saying what needs to be said, we will let the post stand. If someone is being gratuitously rude, we will intervene and ask them to calm down and be polite.

As has been pointed out, we don't walk on eggshells around here. People are blunt and forthright. But if you feel a member has gone over the line, please let us know.

olga

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Olga. There isn't someone I want to single out. Its just good advice, support, feedback, more good advice, and then suddenly BAM someone goes in for the kill! It's randomly weird! And I encounter it a lot here. I'm just ranting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Vapourware

Perhaps it's your perception of posts that also play into your belief that people are singling you out. You did that with The Emperor's posts in this thread by putting all sorts of meanings into her words, when she didn't mean her words to be taken that way.

I agree with everyone else. We're here to give honest opinions on matters. That means sometimes you're not going to hear what you want to hear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find the title of this thread offensive-- people are *not* "so mean" here. Some people, perhaps, but overall, CB is filled with compassionate people that take the time to help each other out. Why get so in a huff over the minority instead of focusing on the good? Some of your words in this thread have been kind of nasty. If you don't like people acting that way towards you, why would you treat someone else that way?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What exact outcome were you hoping for when you posted this thread?

If you have problems with specific posts, threads, users or staff members, that's best addressed in a PM to a mod or administrator with as much specific information as you can give.

If you don't want to get the mods involved, the best way to deal with assholes is to address the person directly and say "hey you, you're being an asshole, knock it off."

If you want a resolution to any problems you're having, confront them directly via whatever means you're most comfortable with.

A post in which you make nebulous claims about unnamed individuals being mean to you will do nothing but get a lot of people irritated with you. A lot of people will assume that they are the ones you're talking about and get pissed off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you mean me, then I can only apologize sincerely. I can relate to a lot of what you post, maybe my buttons do get pushed and so I will stop replying if my tone makes you feel unfairly criticized. I admire your strength and passion for recovery, even though it can make you a little single minded, which I guess is what I try to reflect back to you. I am not trying to give you a hard time for the sake of it, I am calling it as I see it. I don't have a shitty life, I am not on a power trip. My tone is pretty much the same no matter who I reply to, you aren't being victimized. That I a alienating you, I will take a step back. It was never my intention to make you feel targetted.

Thank you. I do think your response to my post was totally misguided. Maybe because I do have so much conviction. But I really do appreciate the apology.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frankly, coming from someone who has been in similar plight in a sense, I think that you're expecting a tidy little censored community when what you're really signing up for is an open forum with real opinions. You are subjecting yourself to what we are, if it hurts, makes uncomfortable or otherwise bothers you, you should leave for your own good.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would also like to say that words on a screen can easily be misconstrued. Perhaps if I was sitting face to face to whomever, the connection through our eyes and general compassion might be more readily known. Sometimes, I perceive it as just cold and thoughtless.

Titania, I wasn't singling you out. And when I posted this thread, I was angry. I am sorry to assume things about you-- which is just as bad as what you assumed, except that my intentions were not for anyone's best interest and I wish I had taken a step back before I posted this thread.

It's just... Frustrating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frankly, coming from someone who has been in similar plight in a sense, I think that you're expecting a tidy little censored community when what you're really signing up for is an open forum with real opinions. You are subjecting yourself to what we are, if it hurts, makes uncomfortable or otherwise bothers you, you should leave for your own good.

The benefits far outweigh the few inappropriate responses I get. As I said, I was hurt and angry when I posted this thread. I am still here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with others that this place is full of persons who offer different perspectives and aren't afraid to tell it like it is. It's something I really appreciate, and is the foundation of how this site has helped me so much.

People don't walk on eggshells and individual ways of communicating a point may not be something you parse as very nice. But there is no stipulation or rule to be nice, just to not be a bigger asshole than the mods, who I really appreciate the direct advice of.

This thread may not name names, but many of us read the boards, I pay attention to most sub forums but most especially those I can relate back to my own experience, and it can be very easy to guess as who you could mean. As well it just reeks of attention-grabbing drama.

Yes there are others who feel as you do, again, communication styles and whatnot. And how tone is difficult to get across in text, I find this important to remember while reading: am I reading this tone into it? (Facial expressions do nothing for me, I don't read most of them very well and I don't always have ones that 'match' what I express verbally.)

I think it was terrible to equate persons posting advice you don't like with personality disorders, and yes we are all crazy here. Anxiety, trauma history, and tendency to depression on my part, as it says in my sig (I can't see other signatures on my phone.) All of those can and do have an effect on how I read things and how I come across when I post. I try to keep this in mind for myself, and for everyone else too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guys, as a member, I kind of feel like what can be said here is said. For every single person who reads this to pile on and say the same things is maybe just escalating the situation.

I know that we are all protective of CB and what we have to offer, but I think many people can relate to the difficulty of learning to integrate that kind of feedback and learning to take what is useful and leave the rest.

So perhaps we could all just take a step back from this one - adianoeta has expressed her feelings, and other people have expressed theirs.

Adianoeta, I hope that you will be able to find a way to tolerate staying here, because personally I am glad to have you around and I hope that despite your frustration there is something we can offer you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whenever I discuss a problem I'm having on the board with my pdoc, she reminds me that dealing with normal people can be just as difficult! ;) Touche'

-Remember, everyone here is MI, and are often struggling to get through the day

-Text is a one dimensional way to express emotion and meaning, regardless of how many cute emoticons you use

-Because of normal turnover in members, many topics are repetitive rehashes-this can be annoying sometimes for long time members who have learned many of the lessons

-"Not everything is MI, some people are just jerks" - My Pdoc

- It is possible to spend too much time online instead of being in the real world

-Sometimes the truth isn't easy to hear

-We should all try to be a bit kinder, anyhow

Lesson: The Ignore function can work wonders in lowering blood pressure.

best, a.m. (who is probably on more than a few Ignore lists)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whenever I discuss a problem I'm having on the board with my pdoc, she reminds me that dealing with normal people can be just as difficult! ;) Touche'

- It is possible to spend too much time online instead of being in the real world

Off-topic:

I don't talk about what I do on the internet to my docs because I am sure they will tell me to spend less time on-line and more in the real world. I just don't feel comfortable enough to be that open. I think it's nice you do. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Our discussions are occasional and pretty limited due to time constraints. Usually it is more of an academic question that helps me understand someone elses illness and behavior, so that I can better relate. There are times I would love to just grab my pdoc and go have coffee and discuss the ins and outs of various disorders.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, sorry everybody! I feel like an ass. I WAS an ass. I know that I'm on ignore and that the OP won't read this, which frankly I don't care because I'm not sorry to her. Just to everyone else who had to read my asshole-like posts. BAD day for me.

So yeah, I'm really not that big of a bitch, I swear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you want from this thread?

We've been honest, I've apologized (as a sign of good will to you, not because I really owe you one in any meaningful sense) people have reiterated that they get the same and are happy to accept this is reality at this forum, what more can anyone do here?

This is my very last word on the subject and you are on ignore from now on.

So, it was an empty apology? I am quite happy to be on ignore. This is not the first time you've upset me. So, yay!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guys, as a member, I kind of feel like what can be said here is said. For every single person who reads this to pile on and say the same things is maybe just escalating the situation.

I know that we are all protective of CB and what we have to offer, but I think many people can relate to the difficulty of learning to integrate that kind of feedback and learning to take what is useful and leave the rest.

So perhaps we could all just take a step back from this one - adianoeta has expressed her feelings, and other people have expressed theirs.

Adianoeta, I hope that you will be able to find a way to tolerate staying here, because personally I am glad to have you around and I hope that despite your frustration there is something we can offer you.

I am grateful to be here, and was just venting. I agree that everything had already been said and I'd be happy to close this post, if permitted.

Tryp, thank you for the encouragement! I am glad to have a friend in you. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you want from this thread?

Knowing your dislike of anything I post, nonetheless I feel obliged to respond.

adianoeta, answer the question: What DO YOU WANT from this topic? You refused to name those of us who have challenged you or responded to you topics with thoughts of our own...take a look at the book you recommended and that I too had read. You told me that I lied, that I had not read the book: rather than discussing the pros and cons of the book you decided to denigrate me simply for responding to your uncritical acceptance of the book. Your topic became a discussion of personality rather than a discussion of the book and its contents.

You refused to accept that I had purchased the book and read it with a critical eye, rather you denigrated my veracity. YOU made it personal. YOU, not me.

Further, you became inflammatory because I remembered you and your previous posts...I was anathema for recognizing your "old posts" and for confronting your sense of entitlement.

I have interacted with Titania for at least two years and found her to be succinct, honest, and trustworthy. I have engaged in several "heated" debates with her and have NEVER found anything she posted to be empty.

Allow me to suggest that you take several steps back and honestly examine what it is you expect from Titania, and as a side issue, from me.

In another topic you decided to respond to me, although you had previously indicated that I was "ignored". Yes!! I responded to previous posts from both Titania and crtclms, yet you decided to up the ante by adopting a Poor Pitiful Pearl attitude and sighing that I had joined in the discussion again.

You are NOT the special snowflake and you do not deserve coddling and indulgence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Indigo, yes you are one of those people. I've been warned against talking to you by other members. So, forgive me if you are not on ignore.

Actually, neither are you, Emperor.

I just usually choose not to respond.

No cat fights, k? I'm not playing. Sorry!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow. Just wow. TE, you said nothing inappropriate at all.

You say you want this to end, but you always want the last word. You can't have it both ways.

No cat fights? The only one who came to this thread with their claws out was you.

And *pretending* to ignore someone? You've stymied me. The ignore function is supposed to make the boards easier for you to use. Apparently, you enjoy hearing things you claim you don't want to hear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...