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He's So Broken, All I Wanna Do is Fix Him **MAY TRIGGER**


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-The following may trigger-

He is the smartest person I've ever met. He is also perhaps the most broken. I want to gather him into my arms and fix all his broken places. I want to

protect him from anything that would cause him harm. Of course I realize there's no fixing him.

He witnessed unspeekable violence under the age of 5. He was raped by his foster father throughout childhood. He was subjected to every form of abuse you

could possibly imagine. Sometimes when I touch him, he flinches. Or I see him shaking. There's a scar on his stomach that makes chills go through me.

I love him. I would take bullets for him. I'm letting him stay in my apartment with me for a while. I know he cares for me, the best he can. He is capable

of more emotional cruelty than he realizes, however. I'm just not sure why I'm so attracted to him. Why I wanna fix him so bad even though I know full

well this is not possible.

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I'm not too familiar with personality disorders, but these two things jumped out at me. 1) You can't fix him. He needs to fix himself. 2) You would take a bullet for him? That seems a bit extreme. I'm pretty sure the only person I would take a bullet for would be my kids. Guys come and go, most of them. You may think that he would never leave, or cheat, whatever but circumstances change and it happens no matter how much you love him now. That you are saying he is cruel is a huge red flag. He's not going to change unless he wants to.

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Guest Vapourware

I think sometimes you can be tempted to fix someone because they seem to be so broken that, to you, they are silently screaming for help. However, I agree with Tits that sometimes, the need to "fix" someone is more a reflection of how you feel for yourself.

A relationship where one is the "rescuer" never ends well, mainly because neither party can grow from the relationship. Usually, what happens is that both people end up in the same position as before they got into the relationship, or into a worse position - i.e. one person enables the other to engage in negative behaviour.

I think you should take a step back and fully acknowledge - both intellectually and emotionally - that you cannot fix him. The only person who can "fix" him is himself. It seems you understand it intellectually, and I think you have to emotionally detach yourself from him a little so that you can gain some perspective into the issue. Otherwise, the relationship is going to be unhealthy.

Sometimes, if you love someone, the best way of showing it is by letting them grow as a person.

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First off, thank all of you for the replies :)

I know the relationship is unhealthy. That our mental illnesses feed off each other. I don't quite know how to find my way out. I'm not laboring under the impression that I can fix any part of him, but my love for him goes beyond something sexual. He's my friend. and I would take bullets for a lot of people, because I generally feel anyone else's life is more valuable than my own.

Sick, I know. I realized in DBT Therapy that People Pleasing Behavior was one of my "Target behaviors"

There is another man who's healthy and has normal boundries that's interested in me, but my feelings for Drew (Person described in OP) complicates that whole thing.

I've done a lot of growing and changing in DBT, but I guess the illness still plagues my choices.

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Can I make a suggestion? I think that you should let the guys take a back seat for a bit, sure be friends, but be aware of guy hopping. I used to be guilty of that-I felt so insecure with myself that I was afraid to be alone and needed someone to take care of me. Just something to think about.

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Can I make a suggestion? I think that you should let the guys take a back seat for a bit, sure be friends, but be aware of guy hopping. I used to be guilty of that-I felt so insecure with myself that I was afraid to be alone and needed someone to take care of me. Just something to think about.

Thank you.

I'm not afraid to be single, but I've been pretty single for over a year now and wouldn't mind a stable relationship.

I'm a bit more guilty of hanging on to bad friends out of lonelyness than I am lovers. Though that's just as bad I know.

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