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how can i tell my parents i self harm without them kicking off


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im 15 and i self harm. mostly cutting, but sometimes i will pick skin off, or re-open my older cutting scars. i have done this for just over a year and my parents dont know. when i started acting up and getting into trouble at school, they threatened that they would put me into care or into an institution. so im scared to tell them, although i feel i have to because they will probably find out soon enough anyway. i just thought it would be better for them to hear it from me. any ideas on how to tell them so they wont get angry or anything

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That's a tough one. Being hospitalized four times, I can't say it did any good at all. It's a very temporary solution.

Are you in therapy? You could approach it with your parents, and then say, "I want help. I want to go to therapy." Or, without telling them you SI, you could ask to see a therapist anyway.

If you are in therapy, you could talk to your tdoc about how to approach it with your parents. It must be awful keeping it all inside and suffering all alone.

Other members will have more sage advice than I do. I am just trying to help in some small way.

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Thank you. And I'm not getting any professional help. I have a friend I can talk to. But I'm scared of my parents, because when they find out a small thing about me, like getting a boyfriend without telling them, they lash out at me and its scary. They are always shouting if they do find out. So I'm scared to tell them. But I guess they will find out someday anyway

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Sometimes it helps to think about this as a medical issue.

If you needed professional care for a medical issue, hopefully your parents would help you get it taken care of.

Its possible to let your parents know (perhaps with the support of your friend) that you are having a hard time right now and would like to talk to a professional therapist.

They will likely want to know why you want to see a professional. How you answer that is up to you. What is usually underneath this is the fear that you are safe. So, finding ways to address safety might help them feel a little more calm.

You could say things like, "Its not an emergency, but it is important. I have some big feelings that I'm having a hard time managing."

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My parents threatened to institutionalize me if I didn't stop cutting. This was at 16. I'm still living with them five years later and they ended up becoming much more understanding about mental illness. There were a lot of threats that were made at the start though.

I can't say if your parents will eventually get over themselves, but I'm happy to say it was my case. I wish you luck in your breaking it to them.

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I'm sorry your parents are so hard on you. They may be neglectful, but maybe they need to know. I really think the best thing you can do is talk to your parents about seeing a therapist. It doesn't matter the reason you tell them-- as long as you get the help you need. You have to learn to ask for help when you need it, and that takes a lot of courage. You are still young, and if you start now you could change the course of your life. I would hate to see you still suffering alone years from now. Also, SI may escalate, or you may have an accident. I'm concerned for you, and I hope you find the strength to ask your parents for a therapist.

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I didn't realize you were in the UK. In the States there are child advocacy centers. Maybe there is a help line you can call?

I think it's good that you can talk to your friend about. Maybe this friend can be with you and support you in asking for therapy from your parents. Perhaps if someone else is there, they will not lash out at you so much.

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I would recommend aranging out-pacient therapy before telling them. That way when they start up with the hospitalizing you stuff, you can say I know I have a problem and I'm working on taking care of it.

If not, is there a school counselor or teacher you'd feel comfortable talking to? Make it clear that although you do harm yourself, you're not suicidal. Unless of course you are.

Good luck.

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Yes. I live in the UK. But in my school if I told a teacher then they have to tell my parents. Its the law. But I might ask mt friend to maybe come with me to see a doctor. She has been really helpful. And I have had suicidal thoughts before. And I have acted on them. But it hasn't worked, and my friend is personally helping me through that too

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