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Now IDK if I'm dead and this is God's throne. It's not like I see Him. It's more like God has opened up my heart and the Earth was revealed in me and the sin all the sin of this world falls upon me. Now I try to accept the anxiety and just move on but IDK if this is OCD or I am dead. All I know is that assurance that I'm not dead will only feed this disorder or give me tiny hope that lasts only a short while. It's very confusing how my OCD works if it is OCD. I have been weaning down my xanax so that might be the problem with all the dreams I have been having. Nightmares are more like it. I just don't know. Last time I had a lapse was in April and now again. I know I ain't no superman and I know that most the time I seem cocky about my OCD but these are one of my weak moments where I need uplifting and just prayers that I get thru this.

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I honestly don't know if this is OCD or a delusion. If it is traumatic and we can't reassure you that you aren't dead (you aren't) then I don't know what we can do. There's nothing scripturally to back up what you're experiencing, if that makes any sense. It really does sound like this experience, real as it may feel is a symptom of mental illness that you need to be treated for, urgently. You've made a lot of posts on this theme, we can't do much more other than tell you to see a pdoc ASAP.

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