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Why can't people just be happy and move on?


waypills666

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I've been getting more social lately and I'm always around people who have had a bad past and Im pretty sure everyone has. They keep holding on to it and don't seem happy. Im walking on egg shells. They get offended easily. Just inviting me somewhere and I agree then they expect me to read their mind and give them money for fuel without asking me. Then saying im taking them for granted and sort of making me sound like im selfish. I feel it's twisting things.

I think im a bit of a hypocrite coz I do expect things in return for doing things but not to the point of getting agro and ignoring them. I myself cant move on and be happy. It does make me feel bad being around all these people with 'problems' and sort of gives me the idea that relationships don't work so why bother? I find it very draining.

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I have this problem too, but it's mostly because I have aspergers. People will expect things but unless they tell me straight out, I have no idea. I get accused of taken advantage of people to, and I just tell them, if you want something in return TELL ME, I can't read your mind. When they tell me I have no problem and this generally makes things run smoother.

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I think expecting someone to contribute has nothing to do with their past. People sometimes feel awkward asking for money but you should always offer to help pay. Maybe watching what others do in social situations would help?

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You have had a noted past history (at least here on CB) of not doing your fair share. Remember getting angry at the person who offered you a rent-free place to live because they wanted you to clean up while you were home and not working?

This has nothing to do with the people you are around, it has everything to do with you. You see yourself as the center of the universe, and everything should revolve around you without consequences. This has got to stop. You have to pay your way, assist people in whatever way you can. Even if you don't want to or feel like you don't have to.

As for the gas situation, keep $5 in your pocket. When a friend drives you around all day, offer them the money as gas money. If they take it, then you will know they were expecting something from you. If they say no thanks, then they weren't expecting anything from you, but they will be happy that you were considerate enough to offer.

Sometimes, just offering to do something unasked will make a person happy. That's not reading people's minds, that's being considerate of how others feel. And it's a social skill you desperately need to learn. So stop blaming your shortcomings On everyone else and start thinking of ways to improve yourself. Because no one, not even you, is perfect.

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Let me explain the gas/fuel issue.

I never asked for anyone to "drive me around the whole day" they invited me. Even if I didn't go nor if they DIDN'T invite me they would still be going to their destination.

I mean YES if I "asked" someone to drive me somewhere I will be giving money.

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I never said you asked someone to drive you around. I said that if you ride in the car (for whatever reason) then you should offer to chip in. It doesn't matter if the driver was going there or not, the fact is that you are using the car in some capacity to get to some location.

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You were being transported in the context of socializing. You were part of a group, not an individual being whisked from place to place. If you wnat to be a part of that group, you have to participate by carrying your share of the water. You can't expect them to cultivate a friendship with someone who is stingy as well as touchy.

And once again, it is someone else's fault, right? I agree with Gizmo, I can't remember a time that you took responsibility for the consequences of any of your actions.

You may have said this someplace, but it is not in your signture: Do you have a therapist? Because you really, really, really need someone to give you some reality checks.

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It was not a social rule of ettiquette that I picked up on my own... but once it was pointed out to me I got it. Gas is expensive. So is car insurance. I'm getting a ride, even if it's offered to me? I offer some type of compensation. Even insist they take it sometimes.

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Can you answer your own question? You seem at least as stuck as those you demean.

I can't get over my past.

I talk about it to my psychiatrist and psychologist and they just tell me to MOVE ON.

And, then, the obsession you display towards your brother...

edit: I even the call the numbers from his phone call list only to find sexy women answering who sound younger than me...

And your prison topic indicated you were not only stuck, but unable to see a way out.

As if my surroundings are 'threatening', 'akward', 'uncomfortable'

Rather than attempt to pen a new response, I will C&P a previous one:

Waypill, have you ever considered that all your complaints about other people reacting to you is simply how you react to yourself?

Until, and unless, you can accept yourself for how you are no one else will accept you, find you appealing, and look forward to being your friend.

...

ALL your difficulties with people cannot be laid at their feet. Those difficulties are all yours and until you accept yourself and like yourself people will continue to shun you.

Therapy, therapy, and then some more therapy are my recommendation.

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