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My 34 year old boyfriend has a heart condition( cardio myopathy) and he's recently found out that when he was born his hip didn't devolop properly so he has to have surgery that if it contined to wear down it could break his artery and he could have internal bleeding but because of his heart the surgery is very risky, I'm one of those people who thinks the worst and iim realy scared I've never been an adult on my own before I don't think I could cope I can't go out on my own or talk to people I can't talk on the phone either I don't look after myself I'm very lazy and I can't face life on my own the only plan I've ever had incase he died is to kill myself I won't be able to manage at all so I'm freaking out I'm panicking

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Okay, nicola, take a deep breath. Lots of them. Slowly, in and out. I am sorry that your bf has to have surgery. One of the things we learn in CBT is not to catastrophize the situation. It sounds like you have a lot of "what ifs" running through your head. Like, "what if he dies?" You don't know what the future brings, and you don't know that you will be on your own. That's the first thing to tell yourself.

Secondly, you WILL be able to manage if you have to be without him. Find support for yourself right now. It's important to have people around you can talk to about your fears. I know it's scary to contemplate being on your own, but I know you would be able to if you had to. Keep posting and keep us updated. I hope my words have helped even a little.

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One of the most important lessons you need to learn to manage an anxiety disorder is to not always think in terms of worst case scenario. Just because he has to have surgery, even with cardio myopathy, does not automatically equate the given fact that he will die, you will be alone, and that you can never cope without another person helping you.

I admit, I even struggle with worst case scenario thinking. But every time I start thinking it, I tell myself I need to stop. A lot of the time I will write it out in my blog (which always relieves the stress for me), distract myself with a task, or talk to my tdoc about it. It takes effort, but if you don't make an effort to get better, you will never improve and will always stay a prisoner in your current life state.

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Thanks for your messages I've calmed down a little but I still spent hours crying and being sick last night I've always had a thing where operations mean like a 90% chance of death for anyone but know that's wrong but I can't help but feel that way my mam and dad have said that they will help me they also said I have too many worries for someone who is 21. He does have the operation if everything goes ok he will be away 4 weeks the longest I've spent alone is 2 days so I'm worried about that and my bf didn't help yesterday by saying he doesn't know where he wants to be buried so thadee me panic

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You need to calm down in order to deal with this.

You also need some professional help, a therapist who will be able to listen to your fears and talk you through them.

Listen, at 18 I moved directly from my parent's house to my soon-to-be husband's house without living a day on my own either. Then about five years later, hubby and I moved cross country. A couple of years after our first child was born, he took a trip back home for a week by himself. Do you think I was afraid to not only be by myself, but to take care of a two year old AND work? You bet I was! But I made it through, and it wasn't as bad as I thought.

Over the past 15 years, I have spent plenty of time away from my hubby and kids, visiting my family back home. And I'm one of those people who never spends a night away from the kids with my hubby. (maybe when the kiddos get a bit older, like in college, lol!) Sure I get a bit nervous. But it never is as bad as you think it might be once you start being by yourself.

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