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from several comments I've seen, there seems to be a lot of pride taken in calling people on their shit, which may be an honorable thing, but are only moderators qualified to do that? and how?

it seems to me the line between calling it and outright rudeness is not real clear...maybe it's a generational thing

I don't expect that anyone would walk on eggshells but damn, the rules seem kinda selective

I had hopes of participating here...my therapist was dx'd with a tumor last year (we had about 10 years) and I haven't been able to bring myself to find another...I mean what else can be done for me...I'm hopelessly fucked up...

I don't know why there aren't any decent irl groups around here, but that would mean leaving my house anyway

I guess the only thing I can do is take my medication, love my dog,

and "sit down, shut up and be nice about it"...........fuck it

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If the consensus is that I am rude and unhelpful, I will step down as a mod and admin. I am doing my fucking best to be clear and respectful of others, to keep CB going through my service here since 06.

If I am doing a shit job, let's not pussyfoot around in passive aggressive threads about other threads where I am clearly what you are referring to.

I put time, donations and my emotions into this place. If I am unwanted, please be honest people. No one is doing my frankly fragile grip on sanity any good with stuff like this.

If you want me to fuck off, woman up and say it. I will gladly walk.

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Not just mods, anyone can be blunt in responses. If comments are keeping you from getting support let a mod know. Some people find it works better to put some people on ignore. I think you do participate here.

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Titania, I, for one, appreciate your responses, the depth of your understanding and compassion, and your ability to moderate without being rude. Your support posts are insightful and seem always to find a way to acknowledge the hard work people have already done.

Part of the original "mod" action on that thread was also directed at me, for labelling the OP. I took that to heart, as I had made assumptions based upon my own understandings.

I don't find the moderating rude. I find it firm and clear.

We just had a "goodbye cruel boards" thread like this a couple of days ago. Go search for it to find all of the same answers to your questions.

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I genuinely want EVERY MEMBER here to get well and I spend at least an hour a day reading and responding to posts, blogs, statuses, pm's and site admin for that very reason. I don't log on to make people feel shitty. I really don't. If that is getting lost in translation, I may as well leave.

I cry when members suffer. I worry when they drop off. I care what happens to you lot. I am not a fucking robot.

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joachim, I know for me, when I get upset, it's hard for me to see any other view points. I have bumped heads with members here (mods and non alike) but in the end it's always been coming from the right place, nobody has ever wanted to make me feel bad or be intentionally rude. Sometimes it's about enforcing the rules, sometimes it's about pointing out where I'm wrong, it happens. Even regular members step in sometimes, it's not just the mods/admins.

The mods have a really tough job, trying to keep this place fair and safe for everyone, and they don't get paid and often don't even get common respect for it. Things said get misunderstood quite often and I get upset about it when it happens to me, as well, but I don't think anyone means any harm. Mods and admins have their own MI and issues too, sometimes they are suffering, too...we all have to remember that.

Titania I really hope you don't step down, you are highly valued for all that you do and I know it's not easy.

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I genuinely don't get where all this anti mod stuff comes from. It is hard to enforce rules when people get nasty. You post and come to expect members to be snarky, rude, mean, threatening, belittle your MI and make you feel like crap. That is 80% of what I get everyday here, for no good reason but someone got 'triggered' like that means they can be rude.

We have lives. We have MI's. We get triggered. Members call us on our shit. We are just like you lot. We didn't get training and hearts of stone and lost our MI memories when we joined. Some members expect to be treated with a level of compassion they fail to shower on anyone else, including staff here. I can be harsh, but those who complain can be pretty harsh to other members when it suits them...

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I'm upfront and honest too. Recently, I was called out for being rude to a member on her blog. I invited her to pm me, and she did. When she read my response on why I wrote what I did and why I felt the way I did, she apologized to me, saying she overreacted to the situation and didn't mean to create a big deal over it.

Perhaps if you pm'd the person who offended you, you could have had a more satisfactory resolution to your issue. Or at least received a more detailed response to why this person said what they did and how they feel. Hijacking another person's post is not the place to have such a discussion.

This site is not about hand-holding, it's about drawing attention to skewed and incorrect thinking patterns to help people become better and more knowledgable in their illnesses. This right and privilege is not exclusively by the mods/admins, but you see more of their posts because they are on here more than most members, and they were hand-selected for their ability to effectively communicate to people about their illnesses.

Age has nothing to do with how people are treated here. You should expect no medals because you have more experience in your mental health tribulations than someone else. What matters is how much insight a person has into MI in general, and how well they can pull out the bullshit-o-Meyer when things are off. I've been battling my MI for 25 years, longer than many people here have been alive. But I don't discount a good reply from a 19 year old because I have more life experience. Frankly, that's discriminatory.

I've said for seven years that the best responses I've had on cb are the ones who slap me upside the head and make me think twice about my way of thinking. Why don't you take this recent incident and examine your post and the responses you receive. Instead of hsving a knee-jerk reaction and getting your feelings hurt, think about if you could have had an incorrect view on the situation, if your advice wasn't on target, or if you could have not taken what the op wrote so personally.

I personally don't give a rat's ass if you like someone or not, or think that someone is as ass. All that matters here is the free exchange of ideas in an open and upfront manner where coddling and hand-holding are not the sole requirements to a reply.

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Is it possible that you're mistaking being blunt and honest with being rude? Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. I struggle with this too.. People usually hate me because they think I'm being rude when I'm just being very blunt and brutally honest. I don't see it as rude though.

As for the admins here, good fucking job, imo. I've seen nothing but helpful advice, support, and insight. Maybe it comes off as a little "rude" to you, but I look at it as someone being blunt and saying what needs to be said...and I appreciate that.

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I think maybe one of the big things is that we're not just a group of every day people. We're every day people with all sorts of mental illnesses on top of our daily issues, and it can be easy to misconstrue or get offended or upset. Mod included as they come here with their own MI history. I find if i get offended by someone (which has only been that new random who said pretty much anyone on pristiq will get stomach pains or die and should go off immediately) to get off the site or computer till you feel better. I have issues where i need attention. Because of the depression and anxiety etc blah sometimes i think i may have pissed others off or they don't like me anymore (for no reason) and if chat goes quiet i generally just go off into my corner till i feel like talking and being happy again.

IMHO i think the rudeness you feel is more brutal honesty...which some people cannot take as easily.

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On CB, you're going to get people who will challenge your thought processes. They're going to give reasons why they think your thought processes need reevaluating. That's part of being a support board - to get feedback. Not all feedback is going to be what you want to hear. It's something you have to take on board. If you can't handle the idea of feedback, then perhaps CB is not for you.

I think it's really sad when people make passive aggressive posts here. If you have a problem with someone, deal with them directly. Don't run around trying to create an 'us vs them' environment.

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I stand beside Titania 100%. She is a valued member of this community. She has been here for years. First as a member, then a mod, and now as an admin. She puts in countless hours to this site. Were it not for people like her, this site would cease to exist.

To the OP, there does seem to be a problem with you having been called out on something and getting your feelings hurt. Deal with it as an adult and cut the passive-aggressive behavior. if you got your panties in a wad over something that was said then you should take it up with the person that said it via a PM. I don't care if it's a member or mod or admin. Take it private and work it out. If you can't then report it.

I can absolutely guarantee you that you are not twice my age. That is, unless you are 107. There is no generational problem going on here.

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See, that's just it. We don't expect you to sit down and shut up: we DO expect you to take the advice that you're given seriously and to use it to take a good hard look at yourself. We can dish it sure - we also take it. We're here because sometimes we need people to grab us by the shoulders and say "hey! You're being out-of-your-head right now." I know that I'm not open about MI irl, so I can't get my SO or my friends to do that. I can only get those reality checks here. Do they hurt? Sure. But they are so necessary and it is thanks to them that I've come as far as I have.

Personally if I get advice that hurts (aka tough love) I sit on it for a day or two to try to figure it out. If I can't do that then I start talking to that person. You can always report PMs to the staff if they get out of hand. But in my experience they rarely do and they go far to clearing up any potential misunderstandings.

Does that help any? Or are you still looking for clarification?

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Ok majority wins I'm WRONG

note I did move this to another forum because it was getting very old and I recognized it was on another person's thread

the initial problem was that my brand of humor just didn't come across and was misinterpreted, I apologized for that

my mention of age was only to point out that I've got enough experience to know better than to "make comparisons" or "belittle" as I was accused of...really, I'm not some heathen, I do not need to be told how to behave

I was offended...I know, I know, my problem right?...everyone else can say what they want...just not me

btw, I don't think this is just about me...I've seen others get the same treatment...and all I did was a question about mods, I've not had an issue, but from the comments it sounds like the mods are coming from a bad place and that's not my fault

I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties as suggested (RUDE!!!) and get the hell outa here...thanks for your support...I feel fantastic

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I'm sorry you're not happy about how you were treated, but I can tell you that CB saved my life, and it has been a huge help to hundreds, if not thousands, of people. I came here as a depressed woman in my 50s and everyone, young and old, offered their help and advice.

I would stick around and comment some more, but I have a house guest (a person I met here 7 years ago) and I need to hit the sack so we can have some fun together tomorrow.

Not every website is perfect for every person. I'm sorry if this wasn't a good match for you.

olga

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I've been offended on here and offended others on here. It's part and parcel of communicating, especially online where tone and humour can't always be interpreted as the writer intended.

Perhaps what some people consider upfront, can be interpreted as rude by others. But don't be upset about having to walk on eggshells if you're expecting everyone else to walk on eggshells around you. (ie,. they misinterpreted you, you misinterpreted them...but you're so angry at them misinterpreting you that you can't see that you're doing the same thing).

I didn't see anything rude about how Titiana originally replied to you on the other thread. I think you're looking for reasons to give up on trying to get help on here. Which is a shame because if you give people a chance here, then they will go out of their way to help.

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I don't want what I have said to come off that members owe us mods for what we do. I choose to do it, I own that. I am also in a bad place right now. I just wanted to show that I am human, I am vulnerable and threads like this are hurtful. Thanks for all the positive feedback, guys.

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OMG...I want to clarify, Tatiana IS NOT THE PROBLEM, she actually tried to smooth it over (for the first respondent)...I would suggest some of you are giving me the heat for what you have dealt with from others...not my problem...talk about passive agressive...a lot of assumptions being made here and ignoring of what I'm trying to say

there used to be this thing called civility...ya'll can just mob yourselves, I don't need this shit...should rename the place...Nazi Boards

...stephanie

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