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My SO has issues that cause him to not like to be touched at all what-so-ever unless he is under t he influence.

Because of my own mental health Dx, this is something that takes a tole on me at times.

Do you guys with PTSD find anything helps you with this sort of thing? or can you recommend coping skills for me? I'm as understanding as I can be because I care very much for him. When I do get upset about it, he makes statements like "See?? I told you you'd come to hate me like the others". The emotions I'm feeling are shame and hurt, not anger or hate.

So.. any advice? Thanks in advance.

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What happens when you discuss this with him when you are NOT upset? Because everyone with PTSD is different and has different triggers and sensitivities as well as different things that do work.

Also is he in therapy? Because as much as you love him, if he cannot deal with being touched at all while sober, that could create difficulties in the long run.

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Guest Vapourware

Does he see a therapist? If not, then it might be a good idea for him.

I'm not great with touch either, but something my old therapist recommended was to start off slowly, such as a hand on the shoulder. When that's tolerated, then you increase the touch. However, it also depends on whether your boyfriend is ready to deal with this issue. He has to be accepting of help, or else it's not going to work.

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Thank you for your reply. :)

He says he's not trying to be mean about it, but today when I posted the OP I had become upset because without thinking I went to put my arm around him and he kinda snapped at me.

He used to be in therapy pretty extensively, but a lack of insurance and finances are an issue right now. As well as him working full time.

(THE FOLLOWING MAY TRIGGER)

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When he was 4, he witnessed his dad kill his mom. He was then placed into the fostercare system where he was severely physically and sexually abused between the ages of 4 and 8. Then when he was finally fostered by a man who didn't beat or rape him, the catch was the man was extremely emotionally abusive.

I'm not under the impression that I can fix him, but I do love him. He's smart, funny, considerate, and being around him generally makes me very happy. Physicality is very important to me, so I care very much for him to be willing/able to tolerate the lack of physical contact.

It only upsets me sometimes. He's never mean to me on purpose and wouldn't dream of laying a hand on me. I would just like to know if there is anything I can do to help or if there is anything in general that might help him. He Comes home from work and drinks until he can enjoy sex and being touched, and so that he can sleep without waking up screaming. It breaks my heart.

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The thing is, there isn't really too much that YOU can do except what you are already doing - letting him know that you love him and you want to be close to him. As much as you want to help him, there may not be much you can do.

Honestly, the only thing that is going to help this is probably going to be additional intensive therapy. Unfortunately, with a PTSD trigger that intense, it's going to be almost impossible for you or him to do much to modify it on your own.

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Thank you for the advice. I will encourage him to return to therapy.

He thinks I'll turn my back on him because he's broken, but I won't. If things don't work out then they don't, but I'm not going to leave just based on the fact that he has these issues.

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Also there's a really great book with very cheezy pencil drawings called The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz. Lots of activities and exercises to try in there.

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