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Hey guys.

A friend of mine recommended me to this forum, and I thought I'd make an intro post. I'm hoping to get to know people here and sort of be forced to interact and talk about shit, instead of just...hiding. Story of my life; hiding all of my problems.

I'm 29 at the end of the month and I've had a really rough 20's. In the past I've been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, bipolar and now, finally, PTSD. I was molested by my ex-stepfather for around 10-15 years (can't remember some stuff when i was younger) and kept silent until a few years ago.

I don't know why, but I somehow repressed all of the shit that happened and after I moved out to go to college and my mother divorced my stepfather, I just went on with life like nothing ever happened. I got my bachelors, had a serious 6 year relationship with the loveliest person who has ever existed in this world, and began my Masters.

It was then that something happened. My depression and insomnia (something I've had all my life) became so severe I couldn't get out of bed. Medication worked at first, but then things got worse and my life fell apart. I knew why... I knew I had never faced what happened with my stepfather...

So I overdosed and was hospitalized numerous times instead of dealing with the problem. Being diagnosed bipolar fucked with my mind and the meds made into someone I wasn't.

Now I've told my secret to my family, stopped overdosing (kind of), and have not been hospitalized in over a year. My insomnia has gotten pretty bad... and I'm going against everything my psych wants by smoking pot to make some of my anxiety go away (I can't have anxiety meds like Xanax because I somehow just... overdose on them the second the pharmacy gives me the bottle).

What do you guys think about smoking pot for anxiety or things like depression and PTSD? I've found it's made my life... brighter, cheerier and I somehow feel inspired to get things done and socialize like a normal human being.

Okay, so... I guess that's all for now.

Thanks for reading. :)

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We do have people who self-medicate with pot, but we can't advocate using any illegal substances. Here is the pertinent part of our User Agreement:

"If you want to talk about your involvement in any past or present illegal activities, that's fine by us but if any law enforcement officials come knocking on my door I'm going to give them what they ask for."

I hope that your psychiatrist can prescribe meds that are more effective that what you are presenting taking. If you need benzos for anxiety, there are plenty of people here who have their mother, SO, good friend, or other trusted person hold the prescription and dole them out.

Also, if you haven't checked out CBT, it is effective in dealing with anxiety for a lot of our members.

olga

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Hi, welcome to CB.

I would never recommend self-medicating with street drugs. Many of us have been there, done that. I believe that pot covers the symptoms, and may make you somewhat functional in the short term, but will only delay your healing in the long term.

It is not uncommon to repress memories of sexual abuse. Many, many people do it as a protective mechanism until they are able to cope with it, myself included.

Are you in therapy? Recovering from sexual abuse absolutely requires the help of a qualified trauma therapist. Additionally, skills based therapy can help you cope with the emotions, flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety you may have as these memories make themselves known. These skills can help you replace the very dangerous use of overdosing as a way to cope, and help you find healthier ways to tolerate the emotions you feel and cope with what you are dealing with.

Please stay and read through threads in the forums that apply to your situation. It helps to know that you are not alone, and to hear about things that have helped people recover from trauma.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi written by rabbits,

Thank you for sharing your story and i'm glad you found CB, it's an intelligent supportive place.

Personally i believe the highs caused by smoking weed at a formative age, especially when I was naturally down or elevated, contributed to the worsening symptoms of my bipolar illness symptoms, like paranoia and social phobia, and also altered happy hormones in the brain doing who knows what. It would be difficult to prove this but I offer it up as an anecdotal evidence :). Everybody's brain chemistries are different and it might not have the same effect on you.

Take care,

Nightbutterfly

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