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I am currently writing an essay for my therapist on psychosis (as an over-correction for not taking my meds) and I wanted to see how other people view their psychotic episodes. For me, they are scary and debilitating, but I know some people enjoy their psychosis. I'd like to hear how the community at large feels about hallucinations, delusions and disorganization etc, and the disorders that cause psychotic thinking.

Thanks for your input!

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I used to love having hallucinations and delusions, but that was still when I believed they were totally real. Once I got a reality check that they weren't, they were the most annoying, chaotic things in my life. Especially the echoes. I also realized that the longer I had them each episode, the harder it was for them to go away.

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Guest Vapourware

If I was to sum up my experience of psychosis in one sentence, it would be: "A frightening break from rationality".

I generally find my episodes highly disconcerting. The only delusion I've found to be remotely enjoyable was when I thought I had psychic powers, but that was tempered by the fear I had of malevolent spirits monitoring me because they coveted said powers.

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I would describe it as "my thoughts running away in unpredictable, wild, erratic directions which are often quite frightening and unreal."

I would also describe it as a "living nightmare." My delusions are usually scary and hardly ever enjoyable. One time I had a feeling of euphoria right before and after a psychotic episode, but the episode itself was quite frightening.

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Psychosis first brings soft whispers of music and my name which can be quite pleasant, but nearly always leads to: terrifying orders; dark shadows; warped faces; the devil's hand on my shoulder; and maniacal laughter from hell.

So, my sentence: Psychosis sucks.

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If I need to explain psychosis to a friend, then I tend to say it's like extreme anxiety. Anxiety is my worst symptom, and it is also the one that more people relate to. I also equate the symptoms to having bad insomnia, but it is something that happens at any time and not just when not sleeping. This explains the hallucinations, because I think most people will hallucinate a little bit when not sleeping.

The description that I have used that best describes what I've experienced was 'living in a horror movie, with the Ringleader (this voice I hear) as the director'. I get a lot of paranoia, and was constantly living in fear with the situations causing my anxiety not going away. I also felt that I was never in control, that somebody else was writing the script and I was only reading the words.

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In one sentence? Intense, scary and annoying.

Psychosis makes me paranoid, anxious and fearful. It's not a pleasant experience at all. Probably the most pleasant thing I do experience is seeing sparkles everywhere, but they can be annoying sometimes too. My delusions cause me to be hyper vigilant and to act like a fool. I went around wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up on a hot day, and walked only in the shade because I was afraid of the sun. I looked crazy and I was terrified. So yeah, psychosis blows.

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Psychosis for me borders on being annoying at one end, and complete terror on the other end. I can handle the voices, most of the time anyway. I get disturbing visual hallucinations that I'd rather not describe, they're like something out of a horror movie. And the paranoia, that sucks too. I don't think I've ever had a pleasant psychotic experience.

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Even though my voices are always annoying there is one voice which i really find comforting to hear, especially when im hearing the scary voices and seeing weird visions. But for me psychosis is distressing, my visual, auditory and tactile senses go crazy and my mind goes on overdrive, my psychosis ranges from bewildering to terrifying to dangerous

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Psychosis has finally become "okay" for me. It doesn't make living absolutely dreadful, and it's a little fun at times - but there are sometimes scary moments.

Wow. Psychosis is fun. That's a new one to me.

I had delusions that people were watching me because I had a special talent. That they liked me and entertained me. I missed them when they stopped. I could see how it could be fun.

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I had a delusion that I could control the time of day, and make the days longer to fit more stuff in them. It was great when I was in the middle of it, but I crashed into depression after a few weeks.

So if I have a 'fun' delusion then the consequences suck, and all my other delusions were paranoia and not fun at all.

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It isn't fun if they happen now that I am medicated properly. But when I was on no meds and was totally engulfed in hallucinations before I admitted it, so much that they were the only world I knew, I had a good time because I thought I ruled the world, was the most powerful on earth, and that I could "see" and "hear" everything going on around the world. They voices made me laugh so much, and over time were my best friends so that when I didn't hear them I was scared shitless.

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My first experiences of psychosis were pleasurable as each was a descent into sweet oblivion, an ecstatic escape from reality. To say nothing of the sexual-themed hallucinations I used to get. A world where, in many ways, my brain called the shots.

The emotional, mental and interpersonal fallout was so debilitating and bitter as to be mildly described as "bittersweet". The more episodes I've had the more the initial rush has grown stale and the inevitable aftermath has become grown to sting.

In one sentance: "Psychosis is a seductive temptress hiding a venomous stinging tail."

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In response to night butterfly's sentence:

I really don't think psychosis should be romanticized. That's just an opinion I guess, but not one I or the entire world should entertain. Yikes that would be scary.

I am amazed that there were people posting on this thread that psychosis is pleasurable and should be romanticized. Scary indeed. Think of the consequences of this uncontrollable state of mind! Please people be careful with what you say!

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I was using a metaphor to discribe my personal experiences. I believe I am entitled to that. I wasn't commenting on other people's experiences. I thought this was a safe place where I could do that. I wasn't romanticising, it's just my style. I don't expect everybody to have the same opinion as me.

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I was using a metaphor to discribe my personal experiences. I believe I am entitled to that. I wasn't commenting on other people's experiences. I thought this was a safe place where I could do that. I wasn't romanticising, it's just my style. I don't expect everybody to have the same opinion as me.

You are just as entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. We can agree to disagree of course.

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manic: space-time splits in a horrible roar of static into a gaping void, causing everything in the universe to vibrate and connect through shimmering strings of association.

depressed: the watchers are following and lurking in the shadows (except everything is shadows) and the air stinks of blood.

generally: it is a dangerous and frightening thing that will catch you unaware and wrap you tightly in a sticky, binding web to eventually devour you unless there is some sort of intervention.

i understand some of the conversation about parts of it being "fun", because some of my hallucinations can be amusing and the delusions when euphorically manic are captivating. but it never, ever stays that way and it becomes saturated with anxiety and despair.

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Altered state of consciousness with symbolic waking-dream like content and realizations to do with social order, integrity and good vs evil that popularly leads to alienation, cultural taboo to be seen as defective or too eccentric or challenging to family structure that is needing pacification and order and hence becoming a martyr for a quest for spiritual enlightenment.

My sentence is a bit long to be just one sentence to summarize my account of what psychosis is - there I go again, apparently this is word salad for the convenience/ignorance of any intellectual challenge I may cause to clinicians, their sense of purpose and education.

Where there is a challenge there is a way

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