Sometimes out of the blue I get this feeling that I did something wrong and people will come to get me, because of this. Then I keep on reviewing what I did throughout the day and see that I did not do anything wrong. What causes this? Is this ocd or paranoia? How to prevent/deal/improve with this?
Looking for an opinion on something. I was put on Cogentin (Benztropine) 50mg a day for a neuroleptic crisis some years back. Almost immediately, I had visual hallucinations and even reported them to the nurse, who ignored it. Things spiraled out from there and my bizarre behavior got largely ignored, thanks to being under-insured. Eventually, I developed a heart arrhythmia so I was required to cold-turkey it. I don't wish benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome on anyone. I had been on the medicine as well as narcotic-vicodin for about a year at that point. However, it made me wonder if having a paradoxical reaction to that specific hypnotic might be related to an underlying diagnosis?
My entire nuclear family, save for myself, each has at least three comorbid conditions a peice. They have all gone to years of therapy but I guess for not wanting to throw flame onto a burning trash fire, I was excluded. As a side note, I was also one of the kids who got placed in the drug trial for Ritalin--for adhd which my mother was told I didn't really have. I also ended up in the open market trial for Abilify some ten years ago, unknowingly. Ritalin made me catatonic and depressed. Abilify was a rather similar experience to Ritalin, except I also experienced anhedonia and dissociation. So technically that's three poor responses to frontline medicines...
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Had a tiny fight with my psychiatrist, he seems to be dobuting my diagnosis. In the hospital they tried to say i was bpd with bipolar, but my psychologist says i cant be bpd and even my psychiatrist used to think im not. I dont have any bpd traits other than emotional inestability. Anyways im mad bc people dobut my psychotic symptoms he thinks is just something from my imagination or something "typical" from me. Im mad bc the new medication is not working and now i have panic attacks i didnt had before. The hospital kinda helped kinda made things worse. I feel like my doctor has left me behind, he doesnt care anymore, if he had answered or seen me 15days before when i asked, before i had my big crisis i wouldnt had ended in hospital. Im scheduling an appointment with a new doctor. But i feel so lost, so sad, like no one can help me, not even doctors. Its not fair. This illness is destroying my life. Has anyone ever had this kind of problems with doctors? Have you had a moment where medication made things worse?
I am going to copy this out and hand over to my new trauma therapist, will circle which applies to me. I met with her last week and she educated me with certain diagnoses I was given that now fall under the new PTSD criteria. I also am keeping a daily log of my symptoms and triggers.
CAUTION: May trigger
Full copyrighted criteria are available from the American Psychiatric Association (1). All of the criteria are required for the diagnosis of PTSD. The following text summarizes the diagnostic criteria:
Criterion A (one required): The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s):
Witnessing the trauma
Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma
Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics)
Criterion B (one required): The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced, in the following way(s):
Unwanted upsetting memories
Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders
Physical reactivity after exposure to traumatic reminders
Criterion C (one required): Avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):
Trauma-related thoughts or feelings
Criterion D (two required): Negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):
Inability to recall key features of the trauma
Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world
Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma
Decreased interest in activities
Difficulty experiencing positive affect
Criterion E (two required): Trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):
Irritability or aggression
Risky or destructive behavior
Heightened startle reaction
Criterion F (required): Symptoms last for more than 1 month.
Criterion G (required): Symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).
Criterion H (required): Symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.
Dissociative Specification. In addition to meeting criteria for diagnosis, an individual experiences high levels of either of the following in reaction to trauma-related stimuli:
Depersonalization. Experience of being an outside observer of or detached from oneself (e.g., feeling as if "this is not happening to me" or one were in a dream).
Derealization. Experience of unreality, distance, or distortion (e.g., "things are not real").
Delayed Specification. Full diagnostic criteria are not met until at least six months after the trauma(s), although onset of symptoms may occur immediately.
Note: DSM-5 introduced a preschool subtype of PTSD for children ages six years and younger.