Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

Right now it feels like the universe is conspiring to keep me stuck in my not so fun 20's. With poorer health of course. I was on state disability and SSI in my mid 20's. Now in my late 40's I am drawing SSDI. It's hard to believe that I once broke 20K much less 30K a year once upon a time.

This time around life is a little plusher, a little easier but the outline remains the same. A subsidized downtown studio apartment -- which yes I am thankful to have. A calendar on the wall marking down the days to the next monthly payment. The periodic outings to the doctors and the food bank via bus. In my 20's there was some novelty to it all. I pictured myself as some type of dissident then. Now there is no novelty. It's deja vu all over again.

What's worse is that all my ideas of how to escape it or at least meliorate it are all achingly familiar. Been there, done it. And the desire to escape it too is also achingly familiar.

Not asking for solutions here. The job outlook for 45+ men with a ever expanding holes in their resumes isn't likely to get better soon. But if anyone is sharing this experience it would be good to know.

Edited by Retromancer
Link to post
Share on other sites

I refer you to my blog entry for

THURSDAY, 14 JUNE 2012

"Walk like an Egyptian"

Review of Wed: nothing much got done at all, except starting this blog. The wisdom and practicality of that awaits the verdict of the future.

Today starts with incredible familiarity.

Walking like an Egyptian.... well, like a mummy lurching around inside a pyramid, anyway.

Yes, the sense of humour is holding up, but I was very much struck at one point that I am now simply moving in a cycle through four rooms, (five with bathroom.)

As convoluted mazes go, a pretty small one.

Given the state of my symptoms I haven't been outside in two weeks, and it could easily hold for the next two or more.

This a very small world in which I find myself. There's little point in taking a taxi and feeling dire somewhere else: it's cheaper at home.

At least with my Asperger's I have a fair range of "being alone" skills: CFS hitting someone with a lively social life would, I suspect, be having even more of a nightmare. But the CFS is reinforcing my AS traits in some areas, or simply removing the possibility of making the effort to move closer to mainstream social expectations. I'm used to stepping outside my comfort zone to let people stay in theirs (over eye contact, for instance) but that's less and less possible, now.

And expecting most folk to make a reciprocal move? Largely a forlorn hope in my experience, unfortunately.

Ah well. If the world was perfect... but that's been dealt with.

Now for a couple of hours of rest, and some soldiering on.

Carry on Lurching.

(http://chrisbofcabra.blogspot.co.uk/)

That's me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and yes the days can very much look and feel alike.

Finding the little changes and better moments and savouring those becomes a survival skill.

Especially as I could be stuck like this for years. Not a certainly, but an odds-on chance.

Not quite Buddhist philosophy, but you can see it from here.

Chris.

Edited by Emettman
Link to post
Share on other sites

I will give you the same advice I give everyone who is staring at their 4 walls and bored with it:

1) Go for a walk

2) Offer to help at a place that needs volunteers: the food bank, a soup kitchen, the animal shelter, the library, the literacy program, etc

3) Check your local schools for adult education classes that are cheap and/or free. Maybe you can learn a new language, find an inexpensive hobby, or at least meet some people.

4) Check the public library for other programs. In most cities, the libraries have book clubs, lectures, demonstrations, poetry readings, etc.

5) Walk some more

6) Find out if the local YMCA or other gym has a discounted membership for disabled people. Then you could swim every day, or work out, or take a Yoga class.

7) Look beyond yourself. Do you have an elderly neighbor who could use some help with having her groceries carried? Is there anyone keeping the bulletin board neat in the lobby? Is there someone in your orbit who could use your help with something?

8) If you don't know how to cook, get some books from the library and learn how. It's much cheaper and healthier to cook your food from scratch. A bag of lentils or beans is about a dollar, and you can make a pot of soup that will be 6 to 8 servings.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic. It's just that focusing on yourself and staying in your studio apartment looking at the calendar will never help you to feel better.

olga

Link to post
Share on other sites

Did most of those in my 20s, will no doubt do them again. (My volunteering in a round about fashion led to my going back to full time work at age 30.) It's the deja vu of it all that is killing me.

I will give you the same advice I give everyone who is staring at their 4 walls and bored with it:

1) Go for a walk

2) Offer to help at a place that needs volunteers: the food bank, a soup kitchen, the animal shelter, the library, the literacy program, etc

3) Check your local schools for adult education classes that are cheap and/or free. Maybe you can learn a new language, find an inexpensive hobby, or at least meet some people.

4) Check the public library for other programs. In most cities, the libraries have book clubs, lectures, demonstrations, poetry readings, etc.

5) Walk some more

6) Find out if the local YMCA or other gym has a discounted membership for disabled people. Then you could swim every day, or work out, or take a Yoga class.

7) Look beyond yourself. Do you have an elderly neighbor who could use some help with having her groceries carried? Is there anyone keeping the bulletin board neat in the lobby? Is there someone in your orbit who could use your help with something?

8) If you don't know how to cook, get some books from the library and learn how. It's much cheaper and healthier to cook your food from scratch. A bag of lentils or beans is about a dollar, and you can make a pot of soup that will be 6 to 8 servings.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic. It's just that focusing on yourself and staying in your studio apartment looking at the calendar will never help you to feel better.

olga

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Similar Content

    • By Blahblah
      This has become the central topic of my latest ruminations...I'm still in my 40's, but I'm worrying a lot about getting older. I'm having some random health issues (aches/pains, chronic fatigue etc) that I never had before.
      I don't have any children and get triggered every time I see photos of other people's kids (literally everyone I know my age has kids now). I know that it's not a given that all families are happy or one's kids will take care of you in old age, but it's just the thought of having a family around! My parents are approaching late 70's and they live very far away, cannot travel. I have no other close family (or even close friends) that I can really depend on.
      Anyone know how to remedy these anxious thoughts? One of my biggest fears is being alone in old age, with increased health issues, and being totally isolated/alone in despair. I'd rather die young.
×
×
  • Create New...