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I want to be better.  I wish I knew what was wrong with me so my pdoc can fix me.  He has diagnosed me with depression, anxiety, and ocd.  He has questioned possible bipolar, but hasn't diagnosed me yet.  The more I read about it, I begin to think that I am bipolar.  I have been having severe depression for the past couple months.  I will have a day or two that are pretty good, and then, like a switch has been flipped, I will go back to the depression.  When Im depressed, I have no energy, suicidal thoughts, feel hopeless, helpless, just like crap.  But, since Sunday, I haven't been too bad, but I feel like Im still not "normal".  I still feel depressed, but I have energy.  I was up cleaning my kitchen and living room until midnight Sunday night.  Monday I mowed my lawn and had plans to trim, wash my van, and vacuum and mop the floors, but didn't get to those.  Today I've cleaned my kitchen (again), cleaned my bathroom (again), and vacuumed and mopped my floors. 

Last night I was trying to go to sleep and my mind was racing, which it does alot lately.  Mostly its crap like "why is my husband still with me, im worthless, why would he want to be with someone like me.  If my kids end up like this, I will feel horrible, and it's all my fault."  Stuff like that.  I don't know if my Risperdal kicked in or what, but my mind just finally shut up and I was able to go to sleep.  It's like I still feel depressed, though not as bad, and have tons of energy.  Is this all normal for someone coming out of a depression?  Are my meds finally working?  Or is this some kind of bipolar thing? 

I know this probably sounds stupid, but Im just kinda confused.  My pdoc said last time I saw him that he was going to put me on Lithium if my meds weren't working yet.  He wouldn't give me a detailed answer why when I asked.  I see him this afternoon, so we'll see what he says.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

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I am kind of in a similar leaky ship. I've been diagnosed with a huge list of things which is just upsettting and confusing. I have a lot of the same problems as you mentioned.  ;) Was very suicidal monday before last and ended up spending the week in the psych ward. While I was there I found out that I was hypothyroidal, which can cause a lot of symptoms like extreme fatigue, depression and mental impairment/confusion, so now all of my diagnosises are on hold until I level my thyroid hormone out with the meds....I'm confused, frustrated and impatient. I know that I have the BPD and the Anxiety disorder and the PTSD, but I still hate being in a state of limbo while everything normalizes. You have my complete sympathy

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