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RAGE ATTACK


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I am about to fucking explode with rage. Caution there will be an excessive use of the word fuck and other lovely expletives.

I just threw my couch out. Actually to be more accurate, I dumped it on it's side pushed it till it hit a door stoop. Once it hit the stoop I cussed and kicked, which did no good. I then went outside through the porch and opened the front door where I proceeded to drag the fucking 96" couch into the stupid fucking piece of shit unfinished front room. From there I shoved it out the front door and tossed it end over end Scottish style like I was a fucking participant in the hyland games. This sent a spray of piss flying off of the skirted bottom across my face and uber cute skirt. At this point I believe that visible steam was exiting my ears as I let out an inhuman half cry half growl sound. I stood the couch back up on it's end, almost toppling it onto the grill (I then contemplating purposely smashing my husbands beloved grill for not being home right now when I absolutely positively need him here). I gave the couch one last shove and it plunked down in the mulched parking space in my front yard. I flung the piss soaked cushions onto it and slammed the front door as hard as I could, half hoping that I slammed it hard enough to break a window or two. We are now officially red necks with the couch in the yard but hell, I figure its better than wallowing on a pissed soaked couch. That couch was supposed to be hauled off before Tessa's birthday party and it NEVER happened. Today Mira has had 2 pee pee accidents and an incident that involved poop smeared all over the bathroom. I was already medicated with Xanax from the panic I want to die attack I had this morning but I was not prepared for the rest of this. Mira's second pee accident seemed like a little squirter. She said "oops I pee mommy" and changed her panties - hey no deal right? WRONG she pissed all over the couch and floor, then didn't tell me so the puddle ran through the grout lines till it ran under the couch where the carpet cover couch legs wicked up the piss and saturated the wooden legs/frame. Also included in the puddle were several pieces of dress up stuff including a backpack that MIRA WAS WEARING ON HER BACK! Oh my fucking god! Here is where I take a deep breath and remember that while these moments suck more than big hairy donkey balls I am one lucky bitch to still have them. While standing outside waiting for Mira to get out of speech therapy today one of the other mommies got a phone call and burst into tears. Her husband broke some awful news to her. Their best friend's daughter had died suddenly and unexpectedly in her sleep. 4 fucking years old with a mild case of croup cough, which she was on antibiotic for and suddenly DEAD. Her parents brought her into their bed b/c she was coughing and want to make sure she wasn't getting feverish in the middle of the night. In the morning they awoke to find her cold and lifeless snuggled between them. At least that poor baby left this earth while laying with the 2 people who probably meant the most to her but fucking christ.... 4 years old.

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Fidget, I hope you feel a bit better today as well--and after that colourful rant about the couch.  My goodness! The challenges of raising children...I can't even imagine.  And the news of that poor, little child.  That is very sad indeed.

Let us know how you're feeling today.

Karen

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i feel awful today. Mean and irritable. Everything is too loud and smells bad. I think i need to hit the gym, that generally lifts my mood a little but all i want to do is sit here and ignore the world. I told DH that i was starting to feel like i did when i first sought out a pdoc.. all he told me is that he "cant handle this again" pretty fucking selfish and mean i think, but what ever. I know i am a burdon and its a damn good thing that we love eachother or he's be out front with the fucking pissed on couch

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Wow Fidget, you sound just like me when I'm starting to lose it.  I think I have

mentioned before that when I told dh how I felt he thought I was doing it to hurt

him and said to me "That isn't a constructive way to feel, is it?"  Yeah, like we

WANT to feel this way, right?

Is there any way you could get your hands on a cheap mood stabilizer such as

lithium?  That's the best advice I can offer, lame as it is.  The gym sounds like a

good idea too.  If ya ever need to vent you can always PM me, our manias seem

very similiar & I'm also dealing with toilet training right now.  Hopefully tomorrow

will be better (that's what i keep telling myself anyway.)

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