I feel like the Lamictal had a permanent effect on me. Will I ever be normal again?

[liam0909]

Hi! Can someone please give me their opinion on my situation?

Originally I was put on 2mg of Abilify for my Bipolar 2 and I felt perfect - From the second I woke up my personality was in full throttle, I felt witty, energized, able to get stuff done, and overall just really happy. If anything went wrong to put me off during the day, sleep always cured it and I would wake up feeling good as new. Due to the positive reaction, I was put on Lamictal along with the Abilify because of how similar it was and that it would have a better effect on me with less of the risks that the Abilify has (I would eventually get taken off the Abilify). However, every increase in the dosage of the Lamictal led to me being really spacey, less and less confident in myself, feeling like and being less of a person (I felt like a zombie, almost no personality whatsoever, struggling to think of something to say when anyone talked to me), and becoming less creative. I had motivation at times, but it felt robotic, like I didn't really want to do it but I was doing it anyway. I'm normally very confident and I think people like being around me (during my elevated moods, anyway) so it felt really awful.

I had to practically beg my mother (I'm still in high school) to convince my psychiatrist that it wasn't doing me any good, as neither seemed to believe that it was causing me any trouble. So I got taken off the Lamictal and have been waiting for the side effects to go away. I was increased to 5 mg of Abilify, but that high of a dose seemed to knock me out, so now I'm taking 2mg morning, 2mg at night, which seems to keep me stable.

Those side effects of the Lamictal I described, though, still haven't gone away. I still feel awful and my self-confidence is at about a -10. It's been 10 days since I've last taken it and apparently the drug's supposed to be out of my system within 6-8 but I still don't feel "better" yet. Could I be permanently messed up because of the Lamictal or could things change soon? I just miss that motivated, effortless euphoria I felt when I originally was on the Abilify, before I ever got put on the Lamictal.. I'm craving it!

[notfred]

Abilify and Lamictal are in no way similar. One is an antipsychotic and the other and anticonvulsive. Neither is chemically related to the other and they don't even have the same actions. You sound depressed, thats all.

[Sjs]

I second that you sound like your getting depressed. The feelings you describe on the abilify almost sound manic so maybe its just an overall mood episode.

[mambo]

Abilify isn't a mood stabilizer. The only similarity between it and Lamictal are their minimal antidepressant qualities.

So to me it sounds like your (low) dose of Abilify was making you hypomanic and your down feeling right now is the crash that usually follows an episode.

I'm willing to bet that's why your pdoc wanted to stop Abilify and put you on a mood stabilizer with less antidepressant qualities.

Now, your raised dose of Abilify is most likely your pdoc's attempt to keep a depressive episode at bay, but without a stabilizer that's all it is; an attempt.

So, my honest opinion: the only reason you're even off of Lamictal is because your mother demanded it after you begged her to.

How long did you take the Lamictal, how many mg's did you titrate up to, and what was your dose supposed to be. It doesn't sound like you gave it a chance. When I began taking Lamictal I was coming out of a depressed episode. Every time I titrated up, I could tell that I was a little more spacey (than my ADHD usually makes me), but that only lasted for a day or two and didn't even occur when I got up to 100mg.

[crtclms]

I agree that you sound depressed. And on the Abilify alone, it sounds like you may have been massively hypomanic. I know hypomania can be seductively enjoyable, but it is just as much an episode as a depressive, or mixed, or full blown manic episode, Untreated episodes harm your brain over time. It needed to be treated, which is probably why your pdoc was giving Lamictal a whirl.

I would need to hear more about where you were in your titration of Lamictal to guess what is going on. Lamictal doesn't cause feelings of inadequacy, but depression does. However, as you titrate up to a therapeutic dose of Lamictal, your mood may bounce around a little, which is normal.

[liam0909]

Okay, I was on Lamictal 25 mg for 2 weeks, then 50mg for 2 weeks. (I was on the 2.5mg Abilify this entire time as well.) At the end of the 50mg stretch is when I started feeling inadequate, having a breakdown here or there, etc. So I assumed it was the Lamictal's fault. I admit I was getting it in my head that one drug was right and one was wrong - simply for that reason that hypomanic moods can be so enjoyable and I guess I subconsciously craved one like I originally got on the low dose of Abilify. I was still feeling depressed on only 25mg Lamictal & the 2.5mg Abilify, though, so my thinking was irrational, I guess.

After that, I was on 100mg for 9 days before I basically demanded that I be taken off the Lamictal. I feel pretty dumb about it now Especially considering how depressed I am now on just the Abilify. So my psychiatrist agreed to let me begin the 25mg Lamictal again as of a week ago (with the Abilify, just to prevent any "down" moods while I wait to increase to 100mg).. Which means in a week I'll go up to 50mg, and then 2 weeks after that I'll go to 100mg. And then after those 2 weeks I can be taken off the Abilify and see how I feel. That day seems so far away and I just wish I could stop taking the Abilify now But I've been patient before, I guess I can be patient again now.

And you're right about hypomanic episodes being seductively enjoyable! From what I understand they cause have some agitation or super-mania in others, like those with Bipolar 1, but for me they're just like pure happiness and creativity and it kind of sucks that I'll never be able to experience them anymore !

[hmariewv]

I saw the title of this post and wanted to scream....that's the question I ask every day!!!!! I'm so scared that it is permanent!!! I understand what you are saying and I know most people don't believe you but I do because it happened to me. I took Lamictal [generic] and at 25mg started feeling different. Very spacey and out of it , like in a daze, can't concentrate or focus, almost like things have slowed down, unreal. Each rise in dose became worse until at 100 mg I couldn't remember how to drive to places I always went to. I became severely depressed also. I was ADHD , always on the go, on top of things, didn't even have to think about what to do . I really miss that now. I like the way you put it.....motivation ....I never sat down back then.

I remember telling the therapist that I lost my sense of self ...but I still didn't realize it was the medicine. I am less creative.now too. It's like my mind is a blank and I can't remember how to do things I use to do with no problem.. I understand the "feeling less confident" very well! I was a strong independent person and now I'm scared to go places and do things alone. I was never like this. People who knew me say I've had a complete personality change !

The Dr's won't listen to me and say I'm depressed [just like people have told you] but I know when all of this happened. IT was suddenly when I started the Lamictal. I went back over my diary and called the drug store to see when I started taking it and put it all together! I took it for 15 months!!!! I've been off of it for 2 1/2 yrs and I'm still not normal!!! All I've done for these past 2 yrs is search for someway to undo what the Lamictal did to my brain.. Please don't continue this drug if it is doing this to you. Research more about it . Were you taking the generic?

The Dr says I'm depressed but I know if I could do the things I did before I would be fine.....I feel so "stupid" now . Its like my brain has slowed down. I don't even feel ADHD anymore . I was OCD about cleaning house and now it's like I can't get my brain to figure out what to do and how to clean. It took away the things that were "me" that I thought I could never lose and I've never been the same. I miss me .

[crtclms]

So why were you on Lamictal?

[DennInDetroit]

I started on it 6 weeks ago. Currently at 200 mgs, going to 300 mgs soon. So far, I haven't noticed any side effects except that when I did the dosage step-ups from 50 to 100 and 100 to 200, I had the strangest feeling for a day or so, everything was hilarious or awesome to me. I guess that is "getting high", lol, I never drank or tried any kind of illicit drugs so I don't have a frame of reference.

So far, I am pretty pleased at the results. I am able to concentrate pretty well now at work, not perfect but better. The irritability is going away. The last two nights I was able to sleep 7 and then 6 hours, which for me is a vast improvement over the terrible insomnia I had over the summer, and over my "normal" of the past few years. Without the seroquel, which I found out was the cause of gi distress the next day.

And honestly, the stuff in generic is dirt cheap at Costco, like $14 a month at 200 mgs, so that is great, too.

[liam0909]

Hi again. Thanks for all the replies, guys. hmariewv, I hope you don't keep feeling like this!! I'm going to keep trying to find a medication that works for me and I hope you can too! I definitely believe you though. The problems with the creativity seem to be more of a negative self-image and less of reality for me - I just got a 100 on an Advanced Composition essay.. Either way, I hope things work out for you!

dennindetroit, I am trying to titrate until I can get to a "target dose" which I read about somewhere. It doesn't seem to be working yet, but I hope that in time the Lamictal will have a better effect on me. Thanks for the positive input, it helps

I didn't want to come back to this post until I noticed significant results, but unfortunately, something weird has happened to me. I was managing OK on the Lamictal 25mg in the morning (I am still on 4mg of Abilify [2mg morning, 2mg at night] and then I went up to 50mg after 2 weeks. I had a slight mood bump, but things were ok.

When I told my psychiatrist a week later how tired I was feeling, she suggested I take the Lamictal at night instead of in the morning. She told me to take an additional 25mg tonight, none tomorrow morning, then 50mg that night. I had a really weird irritable mood the next day, it was awful, but it went away the following day right as I was going to bed. Then, the day after, I was in a near-perfect mood the whole day. I didn't know where it came from.

Then the following day I started feeling..suddenly, depressed. Not irritable, but more like that "why bother?" feeling, permeating and just refusing to leave my head. That night, I started feeling so spacey and tired I could barely function. I was slurring my speech, unable to come up with words to speak, and so dizzy I had to hold on to things to keep my balance. My thought process whenever I wanted to do something was just, "what? why are you doing this?". I stood in front of the faucet while I was brushing my teeth for about a minute wondering why I left the water running, but flooded with thoughts as well of "why should you even turn it off?" and then, like I was watching a movie, noticed that I was turning the water off but wasn't actually trying to. I was laughing giddily as well, but inside I was really concerned and upset. I had never been that spaced out in my life.

Eventually, the spaciness stopped that same night (yesterday), but I have been depressed ever since. I feel like I've cycled into one of my "down" moods, contemplating why I should do anything other than eat, except I don't feel suicidal. It feels like I went temporarily nuts and now I can't be even somewhat happy or motivated. I tried exercising for a good hour earlier and it just made me feel worse. Is there anything to stop this?!

[DennInDetroit]

liam0909, I wouldn't worry about it at this point. Just keep your pdoc informed of what is going on, but basically it is probably a normal reaction to a new med. Your brain chemistry is probably changing a lot right now, and it is probably normal to have some weird reactions. And everyone is different.

I think time will stop all of the weird side effects. My psych. Told me it really takes about 3 months to get the full benefit, and the step up phase has its ups and downs. I keep hearing good things from many who have been on it for longer periods. Hang in there! Everyone here is on your side. Don't be afraid to ask questions.

[crtclms]

Liam, unfortunately, Lamictal has a rough titration up to a therapeutic dose. In the weeks or months before you get to a therapeutic dose, you may have mood bobbles, get anxious, have trouble sleeping, feel flu-y, have headaches, and other aches and pains. Vivid dreams, sometimes nightmares, are also common. Those are all normal, and are not reasons to stop lamictal unless a symptom is extreme. Once you reach your therapeutic dose, or sometimes a little earlier, things should calm down.

[liam0909]

Alright. I hear ya both out, I actually got some sleep and I went back up to about a 5 (out of 10) mood-wise. I didn't realize there was a pretty rough titration involved. I'll stick it through for the next 4 weeks, until I see my pdoc, and until I've at least been on the 100mg for a while. Thanks!