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i cant deal with it anymore


tallulah

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I've had problems cutting ties too.  One certain friendship had grown comfortable,

even though it was toxic to me.  I just kept giving her another chance despite my

better judgement.  Now I say- screw me once, shame on you.  Screw me twice,

shame on me!  I'm sure there are people out there who will appreciate your

friendship and not take you for granted.  It just takes some effort to find them.

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Oh ash, have I been where you are/have been etc...? Did you notice I added something new to my profile under my avatar? Something to do with the G-Word?

Yup.

At least that's my take on it.  Guilt.  It keeps us trapped from speaking and acting for fear of recrimination or being alone or whatever will end up causing us our own brand of pain.  And it's a really hard cycle to break.  I still have problems with it but I keep trying to work on it.

I've had "friends" like yours.  All my life.  I have been shafted so many times...holy fuck.  Let down, left out, abandoned.  I know what these people are doing to you and I know the games that they are playing.  And yes, I always kept coming back for more.  I'm an amazing masochist.

It's really hard but you need to get these fuckers out of your life.  Honestly.  It is better to have no relationships than toxic ones like these.  These people will destroy you.  They will slowly erode at what little self-esteem and sanity you have left and continue to just make your life even more hellish. 

That doesn't mean that you'll never find good friends, that's not what I'm saying.  I have a few.  And I'm starting to become a bit more attached and engaged with my partner's friends...they are true blue.

But really, you can't keep going back for more and more punishment.  I know it's hard to sever ties.  I have fucking immense abandonment issues because of family trauma but if people are treating you like shit in the present and it's an ongoing thing, you just have to do it for self-preservation.

I hope that wasn't too opinionated or ranty but I really feel strongly about this stuff.

Karen

Oh yes...another thing that always made me wonder...how did these people always seem to hone in on my weaknesses? I always wondered about that. 

You deserve better.  Like you said, you're a good friend.

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Just because people treat you like shit does not mean you are shit. 

Took me awhile to figure that out.

It seems to me that we attract people into our lives, be them good or bad, to teach us something.  Sometimes it is hard to see that through the pain they cause us. 

But maybe these shitty friends are a lesson for you to love and accept yourself no matter how they treat you...and to ultimately realize you don't deserve the crap. 

Keep on writing about it. I swear when you least expect it the right friends will come along.  Hang in there.

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i wish i could be like others and just learn to move on.  im trying my hardest - and it IS so very hard.  these are the times where i wish i had a fucking therapist. i can tell myself time and time again that id rather have no one, than people who take every inch of my sanity from me. but the same shit happens over and over again.

im pretty sure im done with it now.

ill always wonder, though.

i must be an awful person if people have treated me this way for so long, right? why hasnt it been possible to hold on to more than ONE female friend my entire life?

sigh.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have never been good at moving on either.  Seems the more someone withdraws, the more I try to hang on.  I keep telling myself that they just don't understand me.  If they knew what a great person I was, they would change their minds.  And I keep believing that they are really a good person.  Most of the time, I am wrong.  Almost all the time I am wrong.  I keep telling myself I should be less caring, but I don't.  I guess it is better to be open and get hurt than to close yourself off from the world.  It would be nice if that wasn't the choice one had to make though.

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I pretty much know that I am not always a good friend.  I don't always return phone calls, usually when I am not well though.  And I have a tendency to become really close to someone, then get in a big fight, then not be friends anymore.  That was my MO when I was in Elementary and HS.  Hence, no real long-lasting relationships.  Still don't really have many.  People piss me off.  I'd have drinking friends, smoking friends, work friends, but no REAL friends.  I've gotten used to it.  I take advantage of relationships while I can.

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ahhhhhhhhh karen.

thank you.

glad to hear im not the only one.

i got an awful email from 'the clone' last night...

i read it and could only laugh. just horrible, hurtful things...

i wish i could be like others and just learn to move on.

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  • 2 months later...

I know I'm late to the party as well, but the bit about honing in on weaknesses caught my eye.

I remember reading something once about what the author called 'social vampires'.

They hone in on kindness and drain the person for all their worth, be it emotionally mentally, or monetarily.

When the person has nothing left to give, they blame it on them and bail, sometimes returning later when the person is capable of giving them more.

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I know I'm late to the party as well, but the bit about honing in on weaknesses caught my eye.

I remember reading something once about what the author called 'social vampires'.

They hone in on kindness and drain the person for all their worth, be it emotionally mentally, or monetarily.

When the person has nothing left to give, they blame it on them and bail, sometimes returning later when the person is capable of giving them more.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds like every relationship I've ever had.  (I was the victim of the vampire.)

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I know I'm late to the party as well, but the bit about honing in on weaknesses caught my eye.

I remember reading something once about what the author called 'social vampires'.

They hone in on kindness and drain the person for all their worth, be it emotionally mentally, or monetarily.

When the person has nothing left to give, they blame it on them and bail, sometimes returning later when the person is capable of giving them more.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about. This unhealthy relationship I was talking about?  The guy drained me for everything I had.  Took advantage of my kindness and *slurp* completely drained me.  Then he blamed me for his actions!  I wonder what causes people to become 'Social Vampires'?  Chemical imbalance?  Is it a Nature vs.  Nurture thing?  Or are they just plain assholes? ;)

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