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I have been on meds in the past with minimal results.  I am currently off all meds except a PRN Xanax which I havent used in months.  My formal Dx's are MDD, GAD, and Panic d/o.  I had 2 seperate MD's and a T think possible Bipolar and I self Dxed BPD (Well when you fit ALL the criteria its kind of hard not to see it) 

Anyway my question is...if you wouldn't go on meds for yourself, is it reasonable to do it to keep your marriage intact.

This is all my idea. He doesn't really think meds are necessary but I think I could treat him better, not get so angry etc. if I was medicated.  I cry alot (daily when Im depressed) and I know he finds that frustrating after awhile.  I have a hard time going to work and generally suck when I'm there.  I freak out when he falls asleep before I do because he is "leaving me".  When I get angry I throw tantrums and rage.  I wake up in panics.  There are days I cant calm down. There are days I can't work. He is always having to deal with one mood of mine or another.  Im sure it is aggravating on a daily basis. And when I start talking about SU I don't think he knows what to do.

I generally feel like shit most of the time.  One way or another. But if it were just me I would not be on meds because I don't like the way they make me feel. Id rather deal with these disorders on my own.  But because my behavior when I feel shitty is affecting someone else, I wonder, should I do it for him? 

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I read your vent today on the other board too. I was thinking to myself...self I said... why in the world would this nice lady not want to try some meds?  I very much respect anyone who has tried to go it alone and I support that as long as they understand and can self identify when it is time to seek help.

Personally it sounds like it is time for you to seek help. For YOU and for your marriage.

This would mean a real pdoc to dx your possible bp. If you are truly bp and were on the wrong medications it is no wonder you did not feel better on them. You need the right meds with the right dx.

It could also be once you get stable, your hubby will appreciate and respect the changes in you and either 1) he will relax and be more enjoyable to be around also.  OR 2.) He may realize meds aren't so bad and take a shot at treatment himself.

I know 2 unmedicated people is a recipe for complete lack of communication and problem solving skills. My hubby and I have been there. Life is SO much better now that we are both cooperative little med takers. Sometimes you don't know how bad it is until yo u get better and look back and think holy wow it is a wonder we made it at all!

Do what is right for you, in the end that is also right for him, even if he doesn't know it yet.

CC~

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I really feel for you.  I am in a similar situation.  It is the "guilt" that we feel about meds, but to be honest, it all comes back to the basics.

If we have a nasty headache, we don't go and knock our head on the wall as that would make it worse. We take a pain reliever, rest up and hopefully feel better. 

I know psych meds are not veiwed as simply as a headache, but I am trying to relate to you by saying, you are an intelligent woman who knows you are struggling.  You have a husband whom I'm sure has seen you at your best and possibly your worst and you are confused as to what to do.

It is hard to choose the meds, but with the help of your pdoc and talking to your husband, and also your own concerns, I'm sure you could always try the meds.  I feel you are really grappling with the concept of medication.  Maybe its more about your feelings towards meds than your partners. With the knowledge that you have, and the supports around you, you will be empowered to make a decision that might seem hard at first, but in the long run you may look back and be glad.  Shitty is not a nice place to be for too long, so don't stay there all alone.  Talk to others, really think about what "you" need, and those around you, and I feel you will finally decide the right answer for you and your loved ones.

All the best to you, Bleu

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I was thinking to myself...self I said...

That made me laugh -

CraZ -

If you feel like shit and your symptoms are adversely affect your relationships, I would give meds another shot.  The rage and paranoia can definitely be signs of problems.  And the feeling like shit all the time can't be good.  Give it a shot and remember that it takes awhile to get a good Dr that you like and the right combo of meds. 

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I say go for it babe!  The relationship is a great reason to do it.  I think it will really help you out.  Thats the reason I started as well.  I have a Cymbalta thread in non-SSRIs with all my info if you want to check it out ;)

Good Luck!

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Thank you all for replying.  I guess I could try it again.  I am definately leaning that way.

I read your vent today on the other board too. I was thinking to myself...self I said... why in the world would this nice lady not want to try some meds?
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What were you on that controlled your thoughts and 'made you no longer yourself'?

Do you /want/ to keep living like this?  Medicine will not cure everything.  If you are on the right meds, you will still be your same old self, except the paranoia and depression will lessen.  I doubt your doctor would give you a shot of haldol or something.  You just need to find what's right for you.  It took me a long time to find what I needed, and I'm still not all there but we're working on it.  Get a good pdoc.  Get a tdoc if you have the insurance.  Find out what's wrong and figure out how to fix it.

About the getting 'cured' thing.  Mental illness is a lot different from the flu or chicken pox.  You can't just get a shot and get cured from it.  It is a complex area, all people are different, therefore it takes time for them to find what the right form of treatment is for them.  Mental illness is not curable yet.  Many people do not realise that and I wish they would.  We suffer too.  We live our lives fighting battles with ourselves that we can't win because we can't decide which option is better or worse.  If you had a different incurable disease would you refuse meds?  If you had aids, or herpes? 

I'll say it again, it can't be cured - yet.  I await the day they make some magic pill that makes all my worries and fears go away, but it really just isn't that easy.  Depression and all its siblings and cousins need time dedicated to them by both the individual and the medication.  Medication is not the only thing you need to do.  You may need therapy.  I know seeing a therapist has helped me a lot.

Sorry if I sound like a bitch but I hate seeing people refusing to take meds and help themselves.

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I am myself with meds.  Are you sure who you are now is really yourself.  Maybe you've just always taken medication that wasn't appropriate for you.  It also really matters how good your pdoc is.  Some of them out there just have no idea.  I really do wish you luck.  I don't come here b/c I have no life or I that I have to be here or need this place.  I like it here.  I learn so much info from other individuals and their trial and erros.  Its great.  Not like I'm going to go up to my boss and say her do youhave a mental Illness.  We've also developed friendships that will probably carry on for a long time.  We have something in common so it makes us feel comfortable.

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I am myself with meds.  Are you sure who you are now is really yourself.  Maybe you've just always taken medication that wasn't appropriate for you.  It also really matters how good your pdoc is.  Some of them out there just have no idea.  I really do wish you luck.  I don't come here b/c I have no life or I that I have to be here or need this place.  I like it here.  I learn so much info from other individuals and their trial and erros.  Its great.  Not like I'm going to go up to my boss and say her do youhave a mental Illness.  We've also developed friendships that will probably carry on for a long time.  We have something in common so it makes us feel comfortable.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think a lot of us would consider it part of the healing process

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What were you on that controlled your thoughts and 'made you no longer yourself'?

Differing combinations of Lexapro, Zyprexa, Prozac and Trillafon.  I don't think they actually controlled my thoughts, just some of my paranoia getting out I suppose.  But I did things I wouldn't have normally done when not on them.  I didn't realize these things were wrong.  And when I was sleeping 16+ hours a day I had no idea that that wasn't normal.  Just thought I was a little tired.  I had no way to evaluate my behavior.  I don't know how much was meds and how much was disorder back then either.  I was pretty far out of my head prior to taking meds. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow, trilafon /and/ zyprexa?  No wonder.  Sometimes the less meds you're on is best.  I don't know much about Trilafon but I saw online that it's usually used by hospitalized patients and that outpatients are to take higher doses then go back to the lowest possible dose.  That seems odd that you'd take that.  But I dunno.  That does explain your sleeping, though.  APs will knock you out. 

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"if you wouldn't go on meds for yourself, is it reasonable to do it to keep your marriage intact"

My husband and I will soon be celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary. He was hopistalized 4 times for bipolar mania/psychosis over the years. His pattern was to go nuts, get involuntarily commited, get better, then stop taking his meds and going to the doctor, be hypomanic for a few years, rinse, repeat. After his last episode, I told him "no meds, no marriage."

Being with an unmedicated bipolar is like being strapped onto a roller coaster an not allowed to get off. I am a person who needs stability, and we would have it for a while, and then the symptoms would start, and he wouldn't get help until it was too late. I just couldn't do it anymore.

After 2 yeas of med tinkering and therapy, he is quite stable now. Yeah, it might change in the future, but if he is seeing his doctors and taking his meds and things go wrong...that is covered under the "for beter or worse" part of the deal, and I will stay by him and take care of things the best I can. If things go bad because he STOPPED seeing his doctor and STOPPED taking meds. Well, then he is just being a selfish prick and needs to pack his shit.

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