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werehorse

Mania as spiritual experience?

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I can't decide if I am currently completely manic/psychotic or I am experiencing some sort of intense spiritual awakening.

I seem to be possessed with certain knowledge I didn't use to have. I am posting on various subjects all over the internet, words are flowing from me and I am writing as though I have some kind of authority.

And everything in my life is GLOWING with joy and meaning.

What do you think? Have you experienced anything similar?

I am currently avoiding most mental health professionals, but I do feel like I need some support and guidance and am not sure where to find it.

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When I first got ill, I perceived it as a spiritual thing. In my case it wasn´t something pleasant. Instead of "being possessed with certain knowledge" I felt possessed by spirits. So I tried to find help in the Church through Priests. Until I family member took me to a psychiatrist and told me I was ill.

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I've had experiences that I hope and pray were just hallucinations and delusions and I've also had experiences that I desperately need to be true.

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When manic, I've felt that I was one of the few Chosen Ones, put here on this planet to do some sort of important thing spiritually. For the week I was manic, I was all over the internet looking into going to school to become en Energy healer or something similar. Now I am like o_O

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I recently had an episode where I believed I had a spiritual purpose here on earth. I have dealt with depression in the past, but never anything like this. I ended up hospitalized twice within a month. I was never hospitalized for mental illness before nor did I deal with anything this extreme. They called this Acute Stress Disorder. Did you have a period of significant stress before this started? I advise you to be very careful. I lost my child, home and gave away many possessions as I believed I no longer needed them. You need to seek help before things get to out of control. The results of my experience have been some of the most detrimental in my life.

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One can still have meaningful and enlightening spiritual experiences while not hypo/manic, IMO. I do. I've had a spiritual re-awakening, but... well mine wasn't a huge 'I suddenly have knowledge I didn't.' Mostly, I started reading and researching things again after years of drought, getting into meditation practice, etc.

Now, I do work with energy, spirits, and so forth, and I have been concerned in the past that I was experiencing MI symptoms. But, from what I can understand, I am not, plus a lot of my experiences basically kept pointing me toward getting treatment and stabilizing. That was the cincher for me: didn't think "crazy" would be pushing me toward doctors and meds. What is more, not only have my spiritual experiences NOT gone away, I am now better able to dedicate myself to something like my first degree Wiccan studies. I *do* have talents other's don't - I seem to be able to research my topics of interest incredibly thoroughly, and my Elder compliments my insight about various topics. Still, so much to learn.

For you... look, I can't tell you if this is *just* mania, or real, or both. I can't tell you if it'll go away upon treatment. But, based on some of your other postings, I do want to urge you to get treatment before this potentially gets worse. I do believe that, while not manic, it's possible to have beautiful and moving experiences spiritually, that it's possible to have an awakening, to feel words flowing out of you. Because it's possible for me too. Treatment just freed up more of my time and energy, and focus.

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werehorse, judging by the multitude of other posts you've written recently, I would say that this is likely further signs of your being manic. I do understand how real and beautiful it feels-- and I agree with Miron that parts of it *can* be real-- but you are describing (here & in other threads) classic symptoms of mania. I understand you are waiting to hear from your crisis team about upping your meds, but if they won't do it, I strongly urge you to go to the hospital and explain everything to them. It is much easier to do a fast titration onto a new med while in hospital where you can be monitored.

Even if you aren't a danger to yourself or others now, you could become one rapidly. During one extreme mania, I thought I was going to explode into millions of bits of energy (this felt beautiful and spiritual). However, as the mania progressed it became dysphoric and I started to plan to drive into a fuel truck to ensure that I would "explode into millions of bits of energy". If I had done that, I would have killed the other driver and myself, as well as other people driving. The *only* reason I didn't do it was because I never had a good opportunity. There is a clear example of good mania gone bad, and it happened very fast.

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Thank you for the concern, I appreciate it, I really do. I AM aware that I'm seriously unwell right now and I KNOW it can turn bad quickly. That's why I'm scared.

But I CAN'T go to the hospital. I have two horses and a cat to take care of!

I been hospitalised seven times or so, I can't quite remembrer. Four times I was put on a section - twice for six months (though I didn't end up staying that long) and twice for a month. I even spent Christmas in a psych ward once!

So when it comes to hospital I really have "been there and done that"!

And they lock the kitchen and shut off the lights at night. You can't even have a cigarette. What am I going to do when I'm awake at one or two am? And what about during the day? I'm not the kind of person who can sit and watch television all day!

And as for meds - well, I won't take haloperidol any more as it gives me akathisia, and lorazepam doesn't seem to even touch me in this state. And you only see a doctor once a week, if that - the time before last I didn't see a doctor for THREE weeks.

And the hospital consultant plain doesn't listen. When I told him I was having a really bad reaction to mirtazapine, instead of taking me off it he INCREASED the dose. And when I was hearing voices telling me I was evil he just dismissed it and said "oh, we're not worried about those voices"

Plus I've been told stuff there like "you CAN'T be psychotic because you don't have a diagnosis of psychosis" and "you're not GENUINELY psychotic because you're willing to take anti-psychotics". I don't much like people implying that I'm lying!

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When I had my first 'known to me' hypomania I walked out of therapy and felt glowing. With in two hours I felt true and wonderful closeness to God that I had not felt in a super long time. I'm a seminary student studying for professional Christian ministry so its been an uphill battle with my spirituality for the past year and the full development of my illness. So now I question all the times in the past when I was super close to God, where they real, where they something else. It sucks for me not fully knowing, I like to think that most of them where true and personal connection to the divine for me.

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I deal with this sort of tug-of-war all the time with my mood swings. In fact, in a Buddhism forum, (as I am a Buddhist) on occasion I'll post all of this wierd stuff obtaining higher states of mindfulness and awareness that I think I've reached until my hypomanic swing comes back down then I realize "Oh, That was the BP and SZ talking.". If one reads into the literature, psychosis can occur with high and low BP 1 and 2 states.

I would sincerely suggest you look at reading some books about spiritual crisis. If you can't afford them go to the Library. Don't just read these books, though, and take what they say strictly on faith. Judge them with a critical eye.

I'm not saying you're not having a spiritual experience, but examine all angles and examine your own self closely. Give it some time then decide.

If you need to up your meds in the meantime, I kindly suggest you do so.

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When I first became Born again it was like I could see God in everything. And my joy was overflowing onto others lives but as soon as I told ppl I wouldn't date a non christian because of my faith. They said I was ill. With them polluting my mind with this notion that I was sick. I looked to pdoc and thats when I started I say to get oppressed possessed by dark forces.

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I looked to pdoc and thats when I started I say to get oppressed possessed by dark forces.

Sonicwhite, what symptoms/thoughts did you experience when you got opressed possessed by dark forces?

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Just thought Like I had fears that I would molest children and then it went to I'm dead and at God's Judgment. Very guilty thought. But I know there irrational and I'm just everyday trying to get better. The problem I mad when I had my breakdown in 05 was I started smokeng meth again. Bad idea I know.! I havn't touch it in 5 yr's and I only did it once when I put it down in 06 cuz I knew I was getting crazier on it. I just say oppressed because It didn't seem like I had any problems until I started to take advice to maybe I was mental. Okay! I can accept that. But it brought down My whole world and what I thought God was doing.

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I don't even believe in god when I'm in a delusional state.

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there is psychologist called james hillman who wrote theory about correlation between psychological condition and esoterism or what can be termed spiritual experience, polytheist, in relation for example with hinduism, he commented a book called gopi krishna kundalini , putting in perspective budhist practice, like zen, or many psychological phenomena that you can correlate with description made by mystics, it cover attention deficit for example in correlation with zen budhism, or he can be interesting on those regard

i'm reading a book currently as well called 'biology of consciousness' who show rather well how philosophy, psychology and biology must go hand in hand if one want to approach the question of mental health in a complete manner

even plato or socrate can relate to many thing, socrate told he was guided by some daemon, and plato also can be borderline mystic on some point, regarding soul and how ratonalism in the platonic or socratic sense can be linked to mental sanity

i know for myself when i was in those state of being depressed/manic or looking into all sort of thing, reading some course of plato or philosophy can help putting things in perspective and set the mind straight on a few concept regarding the relation between knowledge/belief and mental sanity

That's fascinating. I'm going to do some research on him. Do you know if he ever wrote any books?

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