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I find that I feel very lonely.  I will sit at my computer and yearn for an email.  I will question what is so wrong with me that so many people with much worse personalities and behaviors can have families and friends around all the time, but I can't.

At the same time, friends call and I don't answer.  family reaches out to me and I can't reach back.  It's not that I don't care about these people.  It's not that I want to be alone.  It's just that I feel so much pressure whenever I'm with people, that I still feel alone.

Is this a part of social phobia?  I don't so much fear the interactions, as much as I dread the awkwardness and how disconnected I feel from people even when I'm with them.

I care deeply about my friends and family.  Why can't they be enough?  Why are there very few people in this world I feel comfortable with? 

Just rambling.  Thanks...

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HI I  was the same years ago with people prefering to be alone, avoiding the phone, people ,sheltering myself , feeling different.  A phobia ia a fear of something, Are you afraid? If not it is not really phobic it really is a depressive disorder, some sort of perception that you are not like others and reject them or their efforts to contact you. It could be an anxiety or personality dissorder that should like mine go away with treatment.l

I was at the computer then waiting for emails too. Now I want real people too.

But it has been so long that they have given up on me. I think sometimes I was afraid to be around people because  I did not want them to see I had a disorder.

I had changed and I was tired of them asking ARE YOU OK??  You sound like me 7 years ago so that is my view  on it.. Good Luck and try not to isolate

Frosty

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I don't care about rejection.  I kind of expect it, and most of the time it's almost a relief because I KNOW there isn't anything "There" between me and the other person.  I think it is a phobia in a sense because I fear that social interactions are proof of my lack of connection with or improtantness to others.  I don't care if I get rejected, a lot of times I do the rejecting.  I just want to feel like I understand peolpe and people understand me.  And every time I am with people I realize more and more that it's not that way.  That is what scares me. 

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I feel the same way ahalo.  I've always had a problem connecting with others.

I've realized that most of the people I come into contact with are superficial and

fake anyway.  I can't understand their petty concerns & they don't understand my

need to connect on a deeper level.  I find very few people I can relate to and am

more or less aloof and unavailable to them when they call.

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  • 5 years later...

I find that I feel very lonely. I will sit at my computer and yearn for an email. I will question what is so wrong with me that so many people with much worse personalities and behaviors can have families and friends around all the time, but I can't.

At the same time, friends call and I don't answer. family reaches out to me and I can't reach back. It's not that I don't care about these people. It's not that I want to be alone. It's just that I feel so much pressure whenever I'm with people, that I still feel alone.

Is this a part of social phobia? I don't so much fear the interactions, as much as I dread the awkwardness and how disconnected I feel from people even when I'm with them.

I care deeply about my friends and family. Why can't they be enough? Why are there very few people in this world I feel comfortable with?

Just rambling. Thanks...

My friend. I am the EXACT same and i could not of put that better myself if i tried. unfortunately i dont have the answers, i wish i did as im in the same situation as you. but your not alone!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I could have written this lol

I feel the same way ahalo. I've always had a problem connecting with others.

I've realized that most of the people I come into contact with are superficial and

fake anyway. I can't understand their petty concerns & they don't understand my

need to connect on a deeper level. I find very few people I can relate to and am

more or less aloof and unavailable to them when they call.

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You are not alone in being alone*

I too could have written something very similar.

In my case it is an autistic spectrum issue: I am so often just not on other people's wavelength, or they on mine, unless I make considerable effort, which is tiring, draining (even when it is fun or worthwhile).

Rarely do others seem to make the reverse effort, but that may also in part be my lack of perception (I don't think so: I think so much on these things).

"Why are there very few people in this world I feel comfortable with? "

A good number of us are not "mainstream", and often a good thing too. But there is an appeal to the idea of comfortably being part of the throng.

Slightly darkly, I side with William Hazlitt.

"Mankind are a herd of knaves and fools. It is necessary to join the crowd, or get out of their way, in order not to be trampled to death by them."

Yes: I've picked up a bit of social camouflage so I can mix with the herd as necessary, or as I choose, but mainly I've found my own niche or niches away fro the mad rush.

But it isn't a perfect solution, or a perfect world. It's just the one we've got.

Best wishes, Chris.

* See Police: "Message in a Bottle"

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  • 2 weeks later...

Isolation is always comforting in the beginning, but the longer you are isolated the worse you feel.

Probably a good general rule, but not an "always".

With those of us on the autistic spectrum, "the longer you are with people the worse you feel" can be valid, especially if the socialization is not of your choosing.

(work requirements, social expectations, or even well-meaning folk trying to cheer you up with company!)

Dr Johnson(?): "if solitary be not indolent. If indolent, be not solitary"

Alone and moping, being passive, is not generally good. But even just listening to music or reading a book can be seriously relaxing, recharging, when company would not be.

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Agreeing here with Emmetman. I'm not on the autism spectrum, but I'm a strong introvert and need a LOT of time to myself. If I'm socializing on my own terms, that's pretty okay, but I can't do it all day. If it's not on my terms, I can manage, but for even shorter amounts of time. I need my alone time afterward to "recharge," for lack of a better term.

It is a fine line between introversion and isolation, though. For instance, when my PTSD symptoms are bad, I get very avoidant because almost everyone feels dangerous to me. Sometimes I won't leave my apartment for anything but therapy for days on end. I've spent a lot of time in treatment trying to explain to people that just because I'm spending a lot of time alone, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm isolating--I think a lot of people drawn to the mental health profession are extroverts and have some difficulty understanding someone who's as strongly introverted as I am. Personally, I know I'm isolating when I feel painfully lonely. If I'm just spending time alone, I don't feel like something important is missing.

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  • 1 year later...

Hi i feel the exact same way av isolated myself from my friends and family. because my social anxiety is soooo bad :( But my family and partner is very supportive of me and they will help me through this very tuff time. I am going to see a therapist, so that should really help me on my road to recovery. Ano things will get better, and hope us all the best. :)

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I feel the same way, all the time. I gradually started cutting out friends one at a time, until even my own best friend was in the hospital and had to learn to walk again - I couldnt even leave the house to go see her at the rehab center - it ruined our friendship. I ignore phone calls from friends or aquaintences, usually because I feel that they are using me for something (I think being used in a prior relationship and my BPD effects this as well). Now it has gotten worse to the point that I dont even answer calls from work (I am an on-call supervisor of a home for people with disabilities - SOCIAL services). Social services has always been my field but now my social anxiety is keeping me from doing my essential job functions. sorry, now I'm venting.... but I do relate to you in every way and I've learned I cant force myself into situations because it causes more stress and anxiety, and all in all F**K my friends - I need to focus on myself, and if they're true friends they'll be there when I'm ready and able to come back to them.

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xlosersclub if they are true friends they will understand you and stick by you. I find it really hard to tell my friends about my illness, because i think they will think different of me. So i just don't bother to tell them. I am focusing on getting myself better first, And then when the time is rite i will be able to talk to my friends about my social anxiety. Hope everything works out for you, and all the best. :)

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In my case, I need time alone to "reset" myself just as Emmetman suggested. Don't think I'm autistic in anyway, but when anxiety and depression get the worst of me I tend to isolate myself (stay up late at night if possible, avoid meeting up with friends, etc.). I've avoided significant relationships for the past year and a half. Spent most of my free time alone and tend to do everything myself at work. This seemed to have served me well for a few years.

However, I recently moved out to foreign country for a year and don't speak a word of local languages. I thought this would be a good thing for me. To escape all of the conflicts and baggage I left behind in the US.. a time to reshape my brain and soul into a healthier state. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Being out here I'm more isolated than I've ever been in my life and I can say with certainty that it wasn't for the best.

It's important to be able to interact with people in a meaningful way. Everyone needs to be alone here and there, but too much time alone and you get no feedback on your thoughts, desires, beliefs. I feel I just stagnate emotionally.

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