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jay27

New and struggling

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Hi everyone,

My name is Jaclyn. I've been lurking on these boards for a while and finally decided to join. I'm 19 and a student (or at least attempting to be). I've been struggling with MI for quite a long time. I'm diagnosed with major depression and am tempted to say that it has been present for my entire life. I remember being like 4 or 5 years old and just wanting to die ALL THE TIME. When I was 11, a few traumatic events occurred in my life which set off a very bad case of OCD and anorexia nervosa. I was totally impaired by the OCD (washing my hands hundreds and hundreds of times a day, unable to go outside, fear of touching anything, fear of the air (pollutants),...basically just afraid of EVERYTHING) which eventually brought me to a state of desperation culminating in a suicide attempt at 15. I survived but continued to struggle with many of the same issues. When I was 17, the anorexia converted into bulimia nervosa (probably as a result of nutritional deficiencies, but who knows?), and I have been dealing with that over the last two years. In May I kind of hit rock bottom with the bulimia (basically doing nothing but binging and purging ALL DAY LONG and unable to think, study, or work), and I ended up spending some time in a psychiatric hospital and then in an eating disorder treatment facility, which helped some. Right now I'm just kind of at a frustrating place where I feel like I am doing everything that I'm "supposed" to be doing (weekly therapy, appointments with a nutritionist, meditation, yoga, pursuing my goals by attending university [i dream of becoming a doctor], going to and ED support group, taking my stupid meds), but I am STILL STRUGGLING SO MUCH. Even with all this support I am still binging and purging at least two times per day, cutting, and frequently suicidal. I guess it just makes me feel like a waste of all this treatment and support. Like there is no hope for me to ever be happy or at least productive and functional. Anyway, I'm glad to be here and hope I can offer support to others.

Current diagnoses: bulimia nervosa, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, social phobia, borderline personality disorder (only symptom is self-injury)

Past diagnoses: Anorexia nervosa

If you struggle with any of these issues feel free to message me. Or if you don't but just need some support feel free to message me as well. Stay strong <3

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Jay27, welcome to Crazy Boards.

You're doing the right thing in seeking and (hopefully) sticking to your treatment. It sure can be hard, all of us around here know that. I think that you'll like this place and find lots of support.

It probably won't be to long to user Olga makes it around here and advises you to read all the rules and stuff (they're easy, friendly and designed with your best interest at heart.) Also, this site is indexed by google, so unless you don't care that the internet is going to document what you say, you might want to be mindful of putting out personal details. If you want to, PMs are great for that.

Once again welcome.

I think that eventually you'll start to get a handle on your problems, even though right now it seems like you are in a pit so deep you can't see sun light.

I'm pulling for you.

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Welcome.

I'm new here too.

I see that you've been struggling all your life and you keep struggling, and, it is unfair but I wish you the best.

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Welcome to CB and I hope you enjoy being a member of our crazy bunch. Please contact a staff person if you have any questions.

olga

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Welcome

It sounds like you are working very hard in treatment, and I really hope it has some positive effects for you soon.

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