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I can't take this anymore


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Hey SS,

Are you on any meds? What are you diagnosed with? Aaand, you say it feels like that's all you've been doing--are you really chompin' down, pigging out, or does it just feel that way?

More info, please!

lily

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I'm on Effexor, 225, ramping to 300 soon. (2nd ride on th Effexor pony, so

far, so good).

I also cycle Wellbutrin, since it poops out on me.

I can't stop counting cals either.

Like, if i pick what seems like an ok number of them,

instead of spacing my eating, i'll eat the whole day's, maybe

even the next day's worth, and just tell myself I can fast

the rest of the day.

Which, of course, never happens.

I'm a little above my ideal weight, but my weight's also been

study for the past 10 years.

I got out of the navy in june. They HAVE to pay people of equal ranks

the same amount of money. (fat male e-5 makes the same as a good looking

female e-5).

And now I have to go into the big, scary world where your appeance

really DOSE help determine how much you make, and if you even get

hired at all.

Plus, I'm moving to my b/f's hometown, so there's the pressure of

impressing his family/friends. I mean, I'm sure there more down to

earth then that, but I keep thinking I need to walk in looking like a model.

and you know what i do when i'm stressed??

I binge, of course!!!

blah...i need to hybernate for the winter and come out of cave next spring

looking great.

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blah...i need to hybernate for the winter and come out of cave next spring looking great.

I think a lot of us feel that way.  Sadly enough, for a lot of us, the fairly natural human urge to huddle up at home and eat comfort food during subzero weather (often exacerbating existing binging) leads to the opposite effect.  Dammit. 

It certainly sounds like you have stressors/triggers galore right now, what with the life change of leaving the Navy and your impending move.  This might sound condescendingly simplistic (forgive me -- I've had far too much therapy ;) ), but what can you do to take control of these stressors?  Are there any constructive steps you can take towards finding a job?  Is there anything you can do to diminish the pressure you feel over your physical appearance?  Taking action to control your stressors could help you simultaneously control your binging. 

Appearance is important in finding a job (especially unfairly so, for females), but unless your intent is to act or model, it isn't the be-all and end-all criterion.  Employers tend to look at how you present yourself -- cleanliness, appropriate style, confident attitude -- more than whether or not you could stand to lose ten pounds. 

As for meeting your boyfriend's family and friends -- you know your personal expectations are unrealistic and far higher for yourself than theirs will ever be.  The trouble here is bridging the cognitive divide and turning intellectual knowing into real, felt knowing.  First impressions matter, including the physical (again, stupidly), but who you are and how you act are far more important in establishing relationships with your boyfriend's kith and kin. 

Undue stress and mixed bipolar states tend to turn me into a chubby, bitchy binge-eater.  Sugar and white flour products always make this worse (at least the "slow-burn binging" -- the sudden snap-binging of eating anything until I'm stuffed, sick, and miserable has nothing to do with diet).  Consciously eating a meal containing a lean protein source, a whole grain, and some kind of solid vegetable (V8 juice doesn't cut it for me -- I need the bulk of solid food) has often helped. 

Some coping strategies I've accumulated around here:

Do you have specific trigger foods you always binge on?  Perhaps you could make a conscious effort to no longer keep them around.  (I cannot have dried apricots in my kitchen.  They always trigger.)  Even if this means having a home devoid of bread, pasta, and instant oatmeal (for example), the benefits could be great. 

Do you find your binges only end when you are so stuffed full it hurts?  Some people try to divert their binges towards lower-calorie, higher-bulk foods if they can (like carrots and other veggies), so they feel full faster with less nutritional and caloric damage.  I think Navy once suggested I chug diet soda when I was about to binge, so the carbonation would lead to sickly-feeling fullness pretty damn fast.  (Conversely, you might try this with uncarbonated water, which takes more to have a similar effect, but is healthier.) 

Another person (or perhaps Navy again) suggested instituting a time delay:  get an oven timer or stopwatch.  When you feel the need to binge or a non-hunger food craving, set that timer for a consistent time period.  Tell yourself you will not binge until that time is up.  Start small, with just a few minutes, and work your way up.  Maybe you won't make it, and that's okay.  Don't chastise yourself.  This can be a process goal.  Keep working on it.  If you can make it through, say, five minutes, maybe the urge will have passed by then.  If you make it through five minutes and the urge is still there, see if you can make it through another five minutes.  I've made it through entire nights this way, seven minutes at a time.  If you still end up binging, that's okay.  The aim here is to gradually gain control over the urge, until you can ultimately stave it off yourself, without the timer.  Distract yourself. 

You could also adapt the timer method before serving yourself seconds (or thirds, or fifths) of whateve you've been having.  After each course, set the timer for ten minutes, maybe drink some water, and ask yourself if you are really hungry.  If you are not hungry, put the food away.  Out of sight can mean out of mind. 

At times, I've had success in going for a walk every single flipping time I feel like binging, or notice that I'm eating far too much.  I will walk away from whatever it is I was binging on, put on my shoes, and leave.  This doesn't work in the middle of winter, but maybe it will help you.  As a bonus, exercise helps to reset your frame of mind, boosts your mood, lessens stress (at least somewhat), and burns calories, helping to undo the damage of your started binge session. 

It is okay to just walk away.  It is okay to toss binge food you've succumbed to in the garbage, out the window, or down the toilet.  A half-eaten box of cereal is, in this case, better than an emptied one.  Avoiding waste is important, but is it better for food to be spoiled, uneaten, or to eat excessive, harmful amounts of it, thus damaging your body?  Getting rid of binge food before you eat it is definitely healthier than purging.  Sometimes, this is the only way I've succeeded in curtailing a binge. 

Maybe these will help you.  Maybe they won't.  Do whatever healthfully works to regain control over your life, first of all, and then your eating.  Focus on health, not waistline. 

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maybe the problem is i feel like i cant contorl anything.

me and b/f are moving from Vegas to WI.

(so there gose the part about me eating more due to sub-zero weather ;) )

He's from there, so i told him to pick an apartment, i dont care where, just as long as he gets it done.

he dossent understand that time is an issue for this type of thing.

All i want to do is sleep.

i'm tired of being in charge of money, cleaning this place (not easy when your depressed to began with).

I got half a mind to check myself in somewhere and let him deal with everything,

but then i'd come back to a starved cat.

I was making good money before i pretty much got forced out of the navy, mostly because it's hard to kiss ass with GAD.

And b/f dosent seem to under stand that i dont have the money to waste, just sitting here, doing nothing.

I'm so angery.

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thanks for all the advice :)

I dediced i would make a list of 1-3 apartments, as an "emergcy" backup

and contact the rental people, just in case b/f cant/wont.

that's my #1 thing now, having a place to go crazy in,lol.

I decided since i'm moving anyway, i will eat what i want, when I want, but i WILL NOT let myself get sick on food.

AND i will NOT replace the food with junk food.

And I need time to plan how to handle the rest ;)

but at least i have a start, thanks for calming me down!

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