Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

It goes without saying that everyone hates being depressed, it's the worst fucking feeling in the world...I was on Narcotics for so long that my body is still in shock from being off of them -- but I am in legit fucking pain. This is not detox pain, this is muscular shoulder/back pain, how I got on opiates in the first place -- using prescription strength acetaphetamine and IBUPROFEN for pain relief is like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound, very subtle relief.

So I ride the roller coaster of mania/depression. Day to day, hour to hour. I suck it up, put on a smile, say whatever, I can deal, there are people out there whom are way worse off than me blah blah blah, I write about it to vent in my journal every day just to let it out.

I realize nothing is going to take away my physical and mental pain like a Narcotic and I am having a hulluva time dealing with this. It's a rock and a hard place. Do things, keep busy, simple tasks can cause my muscular injuries to act up, then I feel like like whine ass for complaining. I am my own worse critic. My heavy moods bring my partner down, I feel like a jerk for feeling so blah, but it's like fuck I can't help it, I wish I was BETTER at hiding my true feelings all of the time.

She has her own set of issues with pain from a medical condition but refuses to take narcotics, she doesn't like the way they make her feel, and she has PTSD about personal relationships and addicts.

Am I an addict? Sure as shit...but in the sense of, well, instead of taking 2, I took 4, and at one point I was playing around with a very dangerous cocktail and I know I am lucky to be alive...did I ever knock over a pharmacy or steal to score? No. Did I ever buy it off the street? No. Was I ever an IV user? No...but it's all apples and oranges right? If you're an addict you're all lumped in to the same category.

I have no desire what-so-ever to become that again. I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to be Manic Depressive -- I refuse to rely on a life long happy pill, to me, the long term effects of anti depressants are ridiculous, one might argue that the long term effects of narco's are as well, which is valid, however, looking at the side effects of say Prozac VS a Perc 5 (for example) makes me wonder why they stopped prescribing Morphene to depressed people back in the day. I never took a narc that made me bleed out of my ass or gain 20lbs in a week, feel worse (suicidal thoughts/banging head of kitchen counter). Aren't you fucking with your brain/body just as much if not more by taking an anti-depressant or mood stabilizer? I couldn't function on some anti-psychotics I was prescribed in the past -- I became an emotionless zombie...couldn't live life, sorta like being depressed only you don't feel so your not sad, just so sedated sorta like being high, but not euphoric, just dumb. It all seems so hypocritical how one is justifiable but the other isn't (maybe this also depends on where you live and such) so I am nervous about seeing a PDOC these days. I am nervous about an alternative pain management clinic, cause guess what? I want it to stop now.

I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this shit -- Pain = Irritability.

GO AWAY.

The solution is simple. Yet so conflicting in my situation.

I love when someone says they're taking Lortab for HEADACHES...I wanna come through the computer and smash their fucking skull, got a headache now???

I try to avoid triggers but they're everywhere.

No escape. Feeling hopeless. Fake a smile. Stay calm.

/vent

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you're in pain. Physical pain sucks, and of course it affects your mood. I have never been offered pain medication to just have around for my migraines. But I don't resent people who are given it. What good is that doing for you?

Have you ever taken any sort of class on how to handle chronic pain? I already saw a pain psychologist, and it was mostly about practicing mindfulness. Also, I am hearing that bio-feedback works for some people for controlling pain.

And you do realize this is a pro-psychiatry, pro-med site, right? I don't have much interest in rants about the horrors ADs, and how they harm your brain ( bullshit, read something other than Scientific American), or other anti-meds "cures."

Calling medication "happy pills" just demonstrates how little you know about medication. It isn't like ACs and ADs and AAPs, etc. are pleasant or fun to take. The side effects can be really awful, until you find something that works. But I would like to be euthymic as much as possible, so my life isn't just reeling from one chaotic situation to the next. And of course I am trying to avoid the worst case scenario, which is death.

You think taking psychotropic drugs is easy? Fuck you.

If you are not going to be medicated, your life is going to be pretty tumultuous. You may be okay with that. Is your SO okay with that?

Your brain is already sick,. Why would you leave an illness untreated? And many meds are actually neuro-protective, and some even repair prior damage.

Unfortunately, you need to keep trying different meds until you find something that works. It isn't fun. We all have had to do it. It took over a decade of trying different meds until I found a cocktail that finally stabilized me. I basically lost most of my 20s and my early 30s to depression.

And I find it the height of delicious irony that someone who immediately presents himself as a opiate addict, would sneer at "happy pills."

Edited by crtclms
I obsess too much

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

crtclms is RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT.

Being manic depressive/completely fucking nuts/crazy/your favorite term plus detoxing is no fun. Every now and again I accidentally lose a pain patch in the shower/forget to change it/stubbornly don't take my pills and turn into a 95 year old psychotic bitch who feels like all her joints got lit on fire. It is not fun to deal with pain and be crazy.

But you better bet your ass I take my crazy pills, all 6 or 7 (however many there are these days) and like it. Because except when my opiate runs out (my fault/carelessness), it's what keeps me semifunctional.

My point is, be nice to the crazy pills. Soon enough you will find one that is nice back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By KnickNak
      So, I am not 100% better.. I still have some weird side effects, but I am no longer taking Cymbalta! I have been wanting to come off this drug for awhile now , I tried once, failed. Then another time, Nope. And 3rd time , well I guess this was the charm. Let me tell you... the withdrawal , terrible. My pdoc increased the Seroquel to level it out..and it was ok for a few days then all of sudden bam... it began. I sweated, it wasn't even like sweating it was a damp cold clammy sweat when after you get sick or have the shits. My moods were terrible. The crying spells, I had to be watched. I was very Manic Depressive. I was sick to my stomach, vomiting etc. I couldn't sleep, I stayed up until 4am and had sleep paralysis. I honestly wanted to give in and go back on it, just so I could not have these side effects. I pushed thru it. It took me about 2 weeks of hell and now it's tolerable, I am starting to feel better where I can actually drive again with out getting sick. 
      I am getting a little worried tho..because now that I am no longer on any SSRI, or SRNI.. I am starting to feel a lil wound up and agitated. Very hyper too. Hoping this will pass. 
      Anyway just wanted to express that I made it (so far), even tho I wanted to go to in-patient and my t doc wanted me to go to, I didn't. I fought thru this. 
      If any of you came off this drug , how long did it take you to sort of feel balanced again and get off that rocky boat. 
    • By Oliveoil
      Hi everyone, I'm Olive.  I've never been a member of anything like this, but I am looking forward to meeting other people like me and being able to share my experiences, some of which are a little nutty.  But here I am in a nutshell:
      Ph.D student in Neuroscience
      Adjunct professor
      vintage clothing aficionado
      manic depressive, shcizoaffective-type. 
       
      I'm happy to be here.  
      -Olive
       
    • By kristina
      I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder.,gad,,ocd.and depression.....at age 18...ive a a very long battle with this....but thanks to the help of many medications....Zoloft.paxil.klonipin...life was tolerable....over the years ive moved a lot seen different doctors .got different medications....now where I live and the doctors ive been seeing for the past 5 years have diagnosed me with bipolar disorder....ive been on a ton of different mood stabalizers ..antisycotics..and benzopenes...all the while its been a straight downward spiral to hell...have not been right for a long time now....this week my doctor decided to put me on lithium,,i thought I was going to die,,,,,,,,,had a blood test yesterday and he says I cant be on it..i couldn't walk..couldn't breathe normally..started to stutter..could not speak a sentence that made any sence.....I was on lamictal for the past two years I kept going back and telling him I cant think..i cant do a math problem..im talking to fast..i cant read or write..his answer was to raise the dosage of the lamictal.everytime he raised it I got worst..so this week is when he decided to put me on the lithium and take me off of the lamictal...now yesterday he puts me on saphris................im starting to question the fact if im even bipolar .................I feel like a test rabbit.....not to mention Im off the lithium since yesterday but still shaking slightly stuttering.cant think straight...my question is if the anti- anxiety and ant- deppresants worked better...im probably not bipolar....as the same giving me mood stabalizers and antsycotics are making me crazy as hell...sorry about the spelling,,,brain is not functioning properly........ : )
    • By Miss Blue
      Okay, so I live with my mom and my grandparents. My mom is going through some serious stuff right now.

      A couple years ago she was in a back car crash where a little car pulled right out in front of her van and she broad sided them. It gave her serious whiplash problems with her neck. (Luckily, the other drive was ok).

      About a year ago, she fell and hit her head really hard on the corner of our concrete step (right between the eyes). We took her to the emergency and about half way through the visit, she started acting really loopy (wanting to get out of bed and wander around, super cheerful, wanting to stay to look at the art after she had been released (we had been there around 5+ hours at this point, it was around 3 or 4 AM).

      I've noticed over the past 5 or so years her mood has progressively gotten more and more unpredictable. She'll sway dramatically from being super upbeat and positive about the future to thinking everything is absolutely horrible and breaking things and throwing stuff.

      She's been unemployed for around 8  years now, but she has a masters in speech, a 4 yr in occupational therapy, and a 4 yr in social work, so it's not like she can't function and apply herself. But my uncle died, and then all this stuff happened, and she basically fell apart.

      it seems like it's been getting progressively worse for these last few months. She holds some serious grudges against my grandparents for things that happened when she was a kid/teen/young adult, and even though they give her a roof over her head, don't make her pay rent, and let her eat their food, and basically make a mess out of the house at times, she still acts as if she's been seriously wronged.

      I know I can't relate to where she's coming from since I didn't have the same situations as she did growing up, but I hate when I get placed in the middle of things, even though she claims she doesn't.

      The most recent thing that happened, was she consulted a chiropractor, that said that he would be able to help her with her neck. Her neck injury is so severe that she can't lift or lower her head, and has to keep it at a... 90 degree angle from her neck, if that makes sense? Basically it's looking straight forward, and not up or down at all. We found out that a few of her neck vertebrae are so bad that they are basically flipped and completely out of alignment. Like, one is completely tilted the wrong way, or something.

      Anyway, my grandpa asked how much the chiropractor visit would cost, and she lost it, since money is a sore spot for her. I know my grandpa was just trying to plan a head, but she took it completely the wrong way, and from that point on, it's been like walking on egg shells around her. She's started saying she won't take another cent from him, despite the fact that he's told me he doesn't mind helping her financially at all, it's just that he needs to know a head of time the price of things so he can plan his budget accordingly.

      I just feel completely useless and helpless in this case. I love both my mom and my grandfather dearly, and there's just this huge gap that's widening between them right now and I can't do anything about it. I keep telling my mom she needs to talk to a counselor, and not me, who is someone from her family and not removed, but so far she hasn't taken my advice.

      I just feel... so drained. I'm already stressed because of a full load of college courses that suck up 70% of my time, and an internship that sucks up the other 5%, so I have hardly any free time to just calm down, and usually when I do have free time, my mom is stomping around in a pissed off mood which then sets off my anxiety and i end up with a minor anxiety attack over it.

      My mom also has taken to self diagnosing herself. I keep telling her she needs to get diagnosed by a professional and she keeps saying she will, but she never does. First she thought all her symptoms were from whiplash, then it was PTSD, and now it's bipolar/manic depression.

      I just don't know what to do. I feel so bad for my grandpa. He doesn't deserve to have her yelling at him all the time. And I also feel really  bad for my mom, because of all these issues she has. I just wish there was something I could do to help someone.

      I just feel so useless.
       
    • By don't-be-so-neurotic
      Just wanted to introduce myself. I picked my name because it's something I used to say to my mother all the time and it drove her nuts! (so to speak). She hated it.

      My main ailment is ADD, primarily innatentive which I think they should rename to something like Diffused Attention Syndrom because I don't ever feel like I'm not paying attention (ok, sometimes I know that I'm spacing out) and I notice ALL KINDS OF THINGS that other people don't even realize are happening... so I feel like I pay a freakin LOT of attention, just not always to what YOU want me too. Even when I am paying attention to what I'm "supposed to" I still notice and see a lot MORE than most people seem to.

      I also have anxiety not otherwise specified... so bland! I said to the therapist- "Can't you give me something better?"

      OCD in the form of hoarding... but I also do things like pick at my legs and pull my eyelashes out and have obsessive thoughts (like sometimes-rarely anymore- I obsessively think about running my finger over the edge of a piece of broken glass... I don't want to do it nor do I feel compelled to do it, but I can't get the image out of my mind)

      My mother was diagnosed with "Manic Depression" which we know know as "Bipolar Disorder"... my therapist said that I could possibly have cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar) and I think it's very likely but we never got far enough to diagnose it properly. I have delt with depression bunches.

      I have some social phobias, but they are much better now and I really love people and being in social situations, but it can be difficult at times. In school I was "painfully shy" and terrified of rejection. Like I said, nowdays I'm much better.

      I have allergies and asthma... but what does this have to do with being crazy? (looking at the various boards)

      I am a big time procrastinator, probably related to stress and ADD and whatever...


      I'm not really a self injurer but I can relate in some ways.......

      And finally I am very interested in psychology, esp. abnormal pscych and "crazy people" in general.

      And I'm a lefty... not that that matters!

      I guess that probably covers it.
×
×
  • Create New...