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Some Progress...And Then Not


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I took out my garbage AND did the laundry.  Granted, it wasn't all my garbage or all my laundry, but it's progress and I'm kinda proud.  But then I went to class.  I go to a party school, so people don't generally show up for Friday classes, and this was a small class anyway so there were like seven of us in there.  So people just kind of sat around and talked about stuff--high school and drinking, mostly.  I didn't go to high school (bc of the social anxiety) and I can't drink bc of my meds.  So I couldn't relate to any of these people and I couldn't jump in with anecdotes of my own, so I just sat there.  I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have said anything even if they were talking about being shy, bipolar, and loving Teddy Grahams.  And I couldn't just leave bc it still counted as class--or maybe I could have just left, I don't know.  But I didn't want to ask because that would have involved talking.  So I just sat there, and I totally felt like the creepy kid who listens to other people's conversations but doesn't participate.  Agh.  But at least my clothes don't smell anymore.

So I was wondering...do you guys ever get stuck in situations like that?  Where you can't really leave but you also can't talk?  And do you feel like a HUGE creep?  I almost started crying just because I was so uncomfortable.  But I didn't, and I'll count that as progress too.

I have to go grocery shopping tonight.  I am in love with the person who came up with self-check-outs.

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hey sweets... congrads to you...i think...did you get my post on your other thread??

please talk to someone...BEFORE it gets ta full blown agoraphobia...cause that sucks!!!  (talking from experience)!

for me it was longer n longer being able ta face going out in public n hoping i wouldn't cry when out or full blown panic attack (cause of the racing insecure thoughts) then nope it was just easier not ta go out at all then....BAM  couln't go out ANYWHERE not even down my front steps!!!

today was ....i know a step for you but tomorrow...well just don't let it go tooo long!!

good luck n good thoughts ta you i know it's hard...n i'm still there but better than i was 4 years ago!

flutterfly xo

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Schmem,

your post first caught my eye because i've been long frustrated at how healing is so often two steps forward one step back (or vice versa!) and, in keeping aware as you are (taking steps, noticing how they are for you, posting here, whatever else you do to learn and grow), ultimately the healing process happens. my dad likes to compare it to the stock market which has dips but ultimately goes up, but i have more faith in conscious healing B)

anyway after times like you describe i do my best to take comfort in having done the best i could. accomplishments are progress, and finding areas that need methods of coping are progress too.

and i betcha most of us reading in this part of the board can so relate to your uncomfortable situation! sometimes ya just do whatever ya can -- pretend to read or write, take a bathroom break if you feel the need to cry, but in any case please congratulate yourself on getting to the class in the first place, in clean clothes yet!

and know that you're not alone and not a creep. were seven other SA folks in that room too, we would have been the majority  ;)

aloha from one who is still taking baby steps.

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So I was wondering...do you guys ever get stuck in situations like that?  Where you can't really leave but you also can't talk?  And do you feel like a HUGE creep?
Schmem, Yep definitely can relate.  I remember times like that and still find myself in situations like that from time to time.  Youre not alone.  There are so many of us crazies with SP out there, but because of our nature... we naturally dont find eachother very often.  Really sucks because it sure helps when we can meet others who truly know how we feel and vice versa.  Im sure thankful though that we have a virtual place like CB where we can share with eachother and give support.

I took out my garbage AND did the laundry.  Granted, it wasn't all my garbage or all my laundry, but it's progress and I'm kinda proud

Thats good!  little steps really do mean a lot.  Im glad youre giving yourself credit... now whip out the dark chocolate!...lol

I have to go grocery shopping tonight.  I am in love with the person who came up with self-check-outs.

ME TOO, most of the time i just feel soo uncomfortable in the reg check thrus.  Have to make small talk... and my debit card might act up or something.  Often i end up using the self checkout even when i have a basket full of groceries... not exactly what they were  intended for but ahh well.  It takes longer, but im getting faster!

Hope you keep posting and you find it supportive and helpful here.  This place can be a real life saver.

Scott

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Mmmm... Teddy Grahams.

Seriously though, I understand how awkward that situation can be.

I don't watch television, which automatically puts me out of a lot of conversation. I'll be in a group and someone will ask me about something that I eventually realize has something to do with the latest show, something that obviously EVERYONE knows... and all I can do is give them a blank stare.

How much of our society revolves around other people's fictional lives?

So I can relate. All we can do is our best, and try to realize that we have our own positive points, and areas where we could speak with knowledge.

InfoNut

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;)

All right, I'm  : :) trigger: as fucked up as a soup sandwhich @ this time, but I'll try to convey my fucking feelings and experience(s) with this freaking curse, KKKK? Every since the 2nd grade, I've felt extremely aware of myself and paranoid about how I appear to others.  This has resulted in a fucking "fabulous personality on the inside" that's rarely conveyed to others, as well as avoidance of groups of three or more persons-I can go to WallyWorld, but it's quite an ordeal!                        All I can say is remember how outgoing, socialable, ALIVE, you are when you're hypomanic. Then emulate these behaviors and attitudes- oftentimes for me this works long enough for me to fool these idiots (or loved ones). This may seem simplistic, but honestly, I'd have to be " flying " to accomplish being around even 3 or more people.                              Give it a try and here's to success! B) Please get back to me and let me know if I'm totally full of it or if it works for you. Of course, this faking it only goes so far and doesn't always work- but what've you got to lose?  Thanks 4 listening. Take care!

Holding My Breath. NOT!

I just sat there, and I totally felt like the creepy kid who listens to other people's conversations but doesn't participate.

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I have to go grocery shopping tonight.  I am in love with the person who came up with self-check-outs.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's funny, I love the pay at the pump gas stations because that way I don't have to talk to anyone, but I hate the self-checkouts at the grocery store.  Since I don't know how to use them, if I can't figure it out I will have to ask someone for help. 

So I was wondering...do you guys ever get stuck in situations like that?  Where you can't really leave but you also can't talk?  And do you feel like a HUGE creep?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I went to a thing with one of my friends this weekend and we kept running into people he knew and I didn't and I just kind of stood there and looked stupid.  I hate that.

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So I was wondering...do you guys ever get stuck in situations like that?  Where you can't really leave but you also can't talk?  And do you feel like a HUGE creep?

Schmem, Yep definitely can relate.  I remember times like that and still find myself in situations like that from time to time.  Youre not alone.  There are so many of us crazies with SP out there, but because of our nature... we naturally dont find eachother very often.  Really sucks because it sure helps when we can meet others who truly know how we feel and vice versa.  Im sure thankful though that we have a virtual place like CB where we can share with eachother and give support.

I took out my garbage AND did the laundry.  Granted, it wasn't all my garbage or all my laundry, but it's progress and I'm kinda proud
Thats good!  little steps really do mean a lot.  Im glad youre giving yourself credit... now whip out the dark chocolate!...lol

I have to go grocery shopping tonight.  I am in love with the person who came up with self-check-outs.

ME TOO, most of the time i just feel soo uncomfortable in the reg check thrus.  Have to make small talk... and my debit card might act up or something.  Often i end up using the self checkout even when i have a basket full of groceries... not exactly what they were  intended for but ahh well.  It takes longer, but im getting faster!

Hope you keep posting and you find it supportive and helpful here.  This place can be a real life saver.

Scott

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I hear ya on the self checkout thing.  I hate grocery lines and yes I always have this fear my debit card will come back insufficient funds or something even when I know darn well that I have enough money.  Lines, in general, make me nervous, ESPECIALLY if I'm by myself (i.e. no friends for company).  There's just something about being packed in with people and convincing yourself that everyone is staring at you and judging you that makes for a very uncomfortable position.

PS-  Do you guys ever get too nervous to call the pizza delivery guy? Ha, thank god for being able to order a pizza online.  I was so happy when they came out with that. B)

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