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This sounds terrible, but I don't want to stop cutting. When I have had time to think reasonably, i have reevaluated the situation I'm in ( self harm) and I honestly decided, why stop? Here are my reasons:

• what's the worst that an happen? A few scars, my death? Ok.

• why does it matter to anyone? I don't wear shorts anymore, so no one can be offended by the cuts, and I don't talk about it like it is a good thing.

• this is not a thing I keep a secret. Its not so bad I can't tell anyone. People know. My best friends dad knows. We haven't talk about it, but he saw the cuts.

• my friends have done it to, but most did it for attention. I am not doing it for attention. I am doing it for a lot of reasons. Mainly family problems/self hate.

I know I'm not stopping anytime soon. I'll end up killing myself if I don't, but that doesn't mean a thing to me right now. I don't care. Honestly, i dont.

I guess my whole thing was, is this normal, or is it just I'm so screwed up and messed up?

~k

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While I appreciate your desire to post here, you should know this is a forum dedicated to developing alternatives to self harm.

 

No one here is going to convince you that self harm isn't for you. YOU have to decide when the time is right for you to try other coping skills.

 

Nobody can do that for you.

 

There may be a gazillion reasons to continue using self harm.  There are just as many reasons to stop.

 

I encourage you to find them.

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Self Harm is a trap. It's providing you temporary respite from on -going stressors and problems. I'm not here to preach, though. It's enabling you to cope currently, I can see why you'd be reluctant to give it up. Theres a million reasons to stop, I'll list a few

  • less scars
  • less secrecy
  • healthy, productive coping skills that can be found after self harm cessation
  • a huge self of accomplishment
  • stopping might improve your sense of self worth which is priceless.

Please take care and be safe.

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Guest Vapourware

• what's the worst that an happen? A few scars, my death? Ok.
There's a lot more to that. If you cut too deeply, you can give yourself serious, permanent damage [nerve damage from SI is not uncommon]. You will be stared at. You will have intrusive questions asked about what happened. You will be judged.
• why does it matter to anyone? I don't wear shorts anymore, so no one can be offended by the cuts, and I don't talk about it like it is a good thing.
See, sometimes I think that too about my harm. You may think you can hide it forever, but eventually people will see it. If you find a partner, they will see the scars. If you have a physical exam from a doctor, they will see the scars. Those are just two situations where you will reveal your scars.
• this is not a thing I keep a secret. Its not so bad I can't tell anyone. People know. My best friends dad knows. We haven't talk about it, but he saw the cuts.
Sure, you can tell people about the cutting but be aware most people see SI in a really negative light, and they also see people who SI in the same light.
• my friends have done it to, but most did it for attention. I am not doing it for attention. I am doing it for a lot of reasons. Mainly family problems/self hate.
How long do you think you can keep up the self harm? Eventually you're going to run out of space on your preferred part of your body. Then what? Tits has a point. Was this what you saw in your future?

I guess my overall point is - SI can offer short-term relief, but long-lasting ramifications. I still have scars from SI that I did a while ago. At the time, I thought a bit of scarring wasn't going to bother me but I was wrong. It does bother me.

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You say why does it matter to anyone etc etc following on from vapour its not my partner etc seeing them its when my 6 yr old catches me getting changed etc or having to explain why I can't take her swimming etc then she asks why?dont you love me mummy,do you want to die cuz you don't love me enough to live? She isn't old enough to understand the release it gives me, I have probably messed her head up more than mine is!

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You say it sounds terrible that you don't want to quit. Why does it sound terrible to you? Or is that just lip service from a fear of being judged? Even if you are just afraid of being judged, that still means you care, that it bothers you on some level. That's worth exploring.

You ask if you are normal. Self-harm for coping is not normal no matter what form it takes. It is not adaptive or sustainable. It does not make sense. It works, yes, but not in the long term. It very well could result in bad infection, or permanent nerve damage, and discomfort, numbness, weakness and pain thereby. You could be like me and develop contact dermatitis from adhesive and latex exposure. Your death is unlikely, however, do ask yourself if what you want is death, or just to be free from suffering.

Things seem pointless to you because you're stuck in that mindset. There are other, better ways to cope. You have to want to work for them, and they are not easy, but they're better than self-harm by a country mile. This coming from someone whose self-harm habit was more expensive than that of a pack-a-day Marlboro smoker. It gets better.

Benefits I've gained from quitting:

-Saved a truckload of money on first aid supplies.

-No more nervousness that someone will see blood on my clothing. Also, no more ruined clothing.

-No more hassling with dressings.

-No more having to find time and privacy to do it.

-No more being unable to remember whether I picked up my materials and neatened things.

-No scrubbing the sink and shower with peroxide to remove blood from the grout and around the drain.

-No bad moments realizing a member of my family is standing right next to a spot where there is blood on my table, carpet, or smeared on my keyboard or night stand.

-No physical discomfort from deep wounds or sanity destroying constant itching. My scars still itch and shoot pains down into my hands and feet, but without new wounds it's not constant.

-I have new coping skills that help me not only avoid self-harm, but manage anger and anxiety too.

I miss self-harm sometimes. The easy, immediate relief, and being able to visibly express emotions I don't allow myself to feel otherwise, still lure me in from time to time. But those slips remind me why self-harm is such a ginormous pain in the ass.

It's a process.

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