Jump to content

Recommended Posts

This sounds terrible, but I don't want to stop cutting. When I have had time to think reasonably, i have reevaluated the situation I'm in ( self harm) and I honestly decided, why stop? Here are my reasons:

• what's the worst that an happen? A few scars, my death? Ok.

• why does it matter to anyone? I don't wear shorts anymore, so no one can be offended by the cuts, and I don't talk about it like it is a good thing.

• this is not a thing I keep a secret. Its not so bad I can't tell anyone. People know. My best friends dad knows. We haven't talk about it, but he saw the cuts.

• my friends have done it to, but most did it for attention. I am not doing it for attention. I am doing it for a lot of reasons. Mainly family problems/self hate.

I know I'm not stopping anytime soon. I'll end up killing myself if I don't, but that doesn't mean a thing to me right now. I don't care. Honestly, i dont.

I guess my whole thing was, is this normal, or is it just I'm so screwed up and messed up?


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

While I appreciate your desire to post here, you should know this is a forum dedicated to developing alternatives to self harm.


No one here is going to convince you that self harm isn't for you. YOU have to decide when the time is right for you to try other coping skills.


Nobody can do that for you.


There may be a gazillion reasons to continue using self harm.  There are just as many reasons to stop.


I encourage you to find them.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Self Harm is a trap. It's providing you temporary respite from on -going stressors and problems. I'm not here to preach, though. It's enabling you to cope currently, I can see why you'd be reluctant to give it up. Theres a million reasons to stop, I'll list a few

  • less scars
  • less secrecy
  • healthy, productive coping skills that can be found after self harm cessation
  • a huge self of accomplishment
  • stopping might improve your sense of self worth which is priceless.

Please take care and be safe.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Vapourware

• what's the worst that an happen? A few scars, my death? Ok.
There's a lot more to that. If you cut too deeply, you can give yourself serious, permanent damage [nerve damage from SI is not uncommon]. You will be stared at. You will have intrusive questions asked about what happened. You will be judged.
• why does it matter to anyone? I don't wear shorts anymore, so no one can be offended by the cuts, and I don't talk about it like it is a good thing.
See, sometimes I think that too about my harm. You may think you can hide it forever, but eventually people will see it. If you find a partner, they will see the scars. If you have a physical exam from a doctor, they will see the scars. Those are just two situations where you will reveal your scars.
• this is not a thing I keep a secret. Its not so bad I can't tell anyone. People know. My best friends dad knows. We haven't talk about it, but he saw the cuts.
Sure, you can tell people about the cutting but be aware most people see SI in a really negative light, and they also see people who SI in the same light.
• my friends have done it to, but most did it for attention. I am not doing it for attention. I am doing it for a lot of reasons. Mainly family problems/self hate.
How long do you think you can keep up the self harm? Eventually you're going to run out of space on your preferred part of your body. Then what? Tits has a point. Was this what you saw in your future?

I guess my overall point is - SI can offer short-term relief, but long-lasting ramifications. I still have scars from SI that I did a while ago. At the time, I thought a bit of scarring wasn't going to bother me but I was wrong. It does bother me.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

You say why does it matter to anyone etc etc following on from vapour its not my partner etc seeing them its when my 6 yr old catches me getting changed etc or having to explain why I can't take her swimming etc then she asks why?dont you love me mummy,do you want to die cuz you don't love me enough to live? She isn't old enough to understand the release it gives me, I have probably messed her head up more than mine is!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

You say it sounds terrible that you don't want to quit. Why does it sound terrible to you? Or is that just lip service from a fear of being judged? Even if you are just afraid of being judged, that still means you care, that it bothers you on some level. That's worth exploring.

You ask if you are normal. Self-harm for coping is not normal no matter what form it takes. It is not adaptive or sustainable. It does not make sense. It works, yes, but not in the long term. It very well could result in bad infection, or permanent nerve damage, and discomfort, numbness, weakness and pain thereby. You could be like me and develop contact dermatitis from adhesive and latex exposure. Your death is unlikely, however, do ask yourself if what you want is death, or just to be free from suffering.

Things seem pointless to you because you're stuck in that mindset. There are other, better ways to cope. You have to want to work for them, and they are not easy, but they're better than self-harm by a country mile. This coming from someone whose self-harm habit was more expensive than that of a pack-a-day Marlboro smoker. It gets better.

Benefits I've gained from quitting:

-Saved a truckload of money on first aid supplies.

-No more nervousness that someone will see blood on my clothing. Also, no more ruined clothing.

-No more hassling with dressings.

-No more having to find time and privacy to do it.

-No more being unable to remember whether I picked up my materials and neatened things.

-No scrubbing the sink and shower with peroxide to remove blood from the grout and around the drain.

-No bad moments realizing a member of my family is standing right next to a spot where there is blood on my table, carpet, or smeared on my keyboard or night stand.

-No physical discomfort from deep wounds or sanity destroying constant itching. My scars still itch and shoot pains down into my hands and feet, but without new wounds it's not constant.

-I have new coping skills that help me not only avoid self-harm, but manage anger and anxiety too.

I miss self-harm sometimes. The easy, immediate relief, and being able to visibly express emotions I don't allow myself to feel otherwise, still lure me in from time to time. But those slips remind me why self-harm is such a ginormous pain in the ass.

It's a process.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By sweetlysinister
      So I don’t know how to come out and say this ...... but life has been driving me slowly even more mad and I’ve been looking into killing my self using vet medicine ......... but giving my self a plan and a date gives me  peace I don’t know  
    • By Poem
      So, I found out recently that my diagnosis had changed from Bipolar 1 to Schizoaffective Disorder: Bipolar Type. This diagnoses switch was done 2 YEARS ago and nobody told me. Sure, my Pdoc at the time said it might be a possibility, but I was really upset that no one bothered to clue me in. Anyway. The thing is, I've been shuffled around through so many Pdocs and psychiatric nurse practitioners and I have never told them my whole story. 
      My first ever Pdoc asked if I ever had any psychotic symptoms. I said that I would hear my name being called, and before I could say anything else, they laughed me off saying that everyone experiences that. So, being the shy person I am, I thought that I was being silly and never mentioned it again. My last Pdoc, I tried to be more open with and told them about some hallucinations/paranoid thoughts I had...hence change in diagnosis.
      Now I am with a new provider whom I don't trust at all. They don't seem to know how to manage me at all, and every session seems to be more and more a waste of time. I am currently switching to another provider, but it will take a bit before I can go. I'm a little nervous because I've tried so many anti psychotics, and am currently not taking one. Sorry, the point is I am planning to give my therapist all the details about things that have been going on for years. Stuff I never had the guts to say, because I know they will listen to me. I am just afraid that since I never said anything to my new provider (or even in the past) my future provider might think that I am making it up since I found out about my new diagnosis. Maybe I'm overthinking things. I don't know. But the only people on my support team that I trust are my family and my therapist.
      Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble. I've been in a bad state the last few days and this has been edited and re-edited for your perusal. If there is anyone out there with the same disorder, or just someone with advice, please help me! There is so little info on Schizoaffective disorder, that I would really like to hear from others, maybe hear some coping skills? Everyone is different, but I am open to anything at this moment. Falling asleep last night was hell. My mind was racing all over the place, with layers of thought over layers of thought. I have to sleep with a light now, because shadows will creep the hell out of me. I have poor memory and forget words/mis-say them. My concentration is shot. I lash out in anger and always have this simmering irritability underneath. I'm starting to get the feeling that something is watching me again.
    • By Angeni Mai
      I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses) 

      I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years. 

      She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?

      She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle. 

      Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?

      I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs. 

      Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated.

      P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner? 

      P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to,  it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
    • By xanathos
      They told me my epival levels were low, and then the entities stopped moving my body towards the edge of the platform when the nurse practitioner gave me a pill doser.... I probably never updated that much.

      How can I find a proper way to kill myself? If I kill myself, then I wake up somewhere else. If I die by any other means, even if they use force to make me kill myself, then I am erased. I greatly apologize if this is inappropriate, lately I'm deemed as such everywhere.

      I''ve tried overdosing many a time, and I've been in and out of IP for almost 10 years (give or take). 

      I just want to be in control of my death. The other option is really painful. From binging and purging my oesophagus is starting to tear because there is blood when I vomit.  But it's OK because I'm an obese blob.

      I just want to die.
  • Create New...