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The more abusive types with either of our issues (bipolar and borderline) are the types that never get better and don't know any other life but that hell they deal with.

[...]the other sides don't know that you are hard on them or yourselves because the intensity of those feelings taking over.

I don't think anyone is too far gone to recover, even if "a small percentage of people with that disorder are legitimately like that".

I honestly believe even the "worst borderline" out there is a human being, worthy of respect, caring, and love, with deep seated needs for affirmation, validation, and humane treatment. I also firmly believe that the way people with BPD can treat others badly is a reflection of their inner pain, and while people can act horribly (ANY person), it doesn't negate the soul inside which cries out for comfort.

Okay, I am just reiterating what everyone else has said, but thank you so much for sharing your recovery. It has honestly given so much hope, but I am sure I will need to check in again to rediscover that. Its like you childhood song analogy.

I'm glad to hear that, everything! I hope we can assist you on your recovery journey.

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I'm glad to see a recovery story. I can relate and I agree with a lot of your steps. I've spent the past two years in active therapy / groups, anything I could get myself into really. I feel like I've conquered my more scary concerns at this point and am on my way. Things I never thought would be possible. But they are, it is so possible and I think everyone needs that hope.

I have also struggled with reading and watching the more stigmatized views of BPD. I think its because at least when it comes to myself I understand half of what they mean, and completely disagree with the rest. So it creates this internal struggle. Have I hurt people in relationships? Absolutely. Did I plan to? Do I just enjoy hurting people and manipulate everything for my own benefit? I do not. I'm the type of person who will be steam rolled if it helps a friend (as I notice many borderlines are) and lean more to thinking everything is my fault not someone else's (also common for borderlines I've noticed). 

It really digs in to a borderlines inner doubt. I've had one of my group psychs look into some stigmatized tubers/bloggers (who are psychs themselves) because I wanted a professional opinion, its hard to be objective when its a topic about yourself. She came back to me 100% against the views of these people and felt that they were coming from a very misogynistic viewpoint. So its important to know that stigma is out there…but also that there are many more psychs that completely disagree with it. The stigma is wrong, and it's not helpful. We do recover. It is very possible. It takes work and compassion and time. But don't let anyone tell you it's impossible.

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Amazing post! I hate those books! My teenage daughter read one and has since said some really horrible things to me based on what she has read. She basically lets the disorder define who I am when it's convenient for her. I cannot believe so called doctors write that crap. 

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I used to have the full blown disorder but now I just have traits, I should probably change my signature to traits too. 

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i really wonder if the people who spout this shit know what it's like to actually live with this. if they'll ever know what it's like to constantly pull back from every interaction you have with someone, every crisis, every need you have that involves another human bean, and going over the checklist: "am i being abusive? am i being a toxic person? am i ruining their life? am i evil? how annoyed will they be if i tell them what i'm experiencing? is what i'm experiencing even valid? is my reality theirs?"

and then everyone has the gall to wonder why so many of us don't tell anyone, and that's before the medical bills. thank you for sharing your recovery, i hope i can make it there someday.

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what it's like to constantly pull back from every interaction you have with someone, every crisis, every need you have that involves another human bean, and going over the checklist: "am i being abusive? am i being a toxic person? am i ruining their life? am i evil? how annoyed will they be if i tell them what i'm experiencing? is what i'm experiencing even valid? is my reality theirs?"

 

So I have not said this anywhere really yet but uhhhh... my relationship blew up.  My former partner, J, sexually assaulted me.

I want you guys to know that this too is part of my recovery story.  When he acted towards me in a manner so inhumane that it is literally criminal...  I went to the police.  I knew I didn't deserve what he did.

When it happened, I couldn't understand how I hadn't seen it coming.  With some help from a friend, it became clear that I'd been doing exactly what psycho mantis wrote about.   I was doubting my own judgment and allowing him to abuse me.

But MORE importantly, when push came to shove, and his abuse escalated, I knew that it wasn't okay for him to treat me like that, you guys. 

How did that happen?  I must believe I have some kind of worth now.  I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because I'm not a black hole of emptiness anymore.  I cannot express the relief.

I recognize that it's appropriately ironic that I realized this as a result of trauma, but trauma has been the driving force for change in my life.  I think I'm going to change that.  I want myself to be the driving force for change in my own life.

I feel like I can do that now, you guys. Even more than that, I AM doing it now!

Check that shit out.

Edited by saveyoursanity
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Holy shit, SYS!  First of all, I'm so glad that you got out of that toxic situation by whatever means necessary.   It is inspiring to hear that your recovery process has led you to be able to take charge of that situation in your life..... and strengthen your resolve to be in charge of your life in general.  Thank you for sharing such a personal story for the benefit of everyone struggling with self-worth issues.

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*Claps hands* well put. I have been thinking along these lines for some time now. I agree that psychiatric "Professionals" need to sto,p being unprofessional as fuck and making us seem like we are the Devil. ((Now,I do give tours of hell in my spare time as a favor to Satan, but thats beside the point :)))

I am currently not in treatment out of fear of finding a new psychiatric network in the "new" state I'm in... (I've been here almost a year)

I don't like telling people I am BPD because of shit like this.

I haven't even explained to my boyfriend what BPD is or even told him I have it.

I prefer to be a ninja in the shadows and only jump out to occasionally throw glitter at people.

I wish there was a way people could understand. There needs to be more advocacy for this. 

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I can say that in a way some of its true but I dont like how he put it. I dont like or believe some of what he says. I do believe we can change. It just takes time and its a hard battle.

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This thread is very important.

My first psychiatrist believed that a borderline patient was incapable of change, as well. And guess what? I've changed.

This time last year, I was in juvenile detention for running away, becoming involved in human trafficking...and all of that culminated in a suicide attempt. The year before that, I was in residential treatment for 3 months following my fourth hospitalization and second suicide attempt.

I have been hospitalized 15 times. I have attempted to end my life more times than that. I have been stitched up, pumped out, tubed, and arrested.

And now? I'm a high school student. I have a 3.8 GPA. I'm on the forensics team. I go to therapy once a week and take medication every single day and I spend a lot of time crying in the counselor's office, but goddamnit, I have changed and I have grown.

Anyone who denies the fact that you are trying is not worth your time. You are making progress no matter what, and people with personality disorders can recover.

 

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I know I'm a horrible person, if my husband knew everything I did he could write something like that. ..

So maybe we just have to understand that we hurt people and they also have reasons to became upset...

They, as we, have to express ourselves...

Let them talk...

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Not specifically advice as such but elsewhere I saw someone talk about how everyone with BPD is "seriously scary."

Just gotta love the way they try to make us look bad and themselves look good but who's doing all the badmouthing?

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I agree. I think other people with BPD can change. I'm just sometimes not so sure it's possible for me to change. I"ve gone through the cycle and nothing has changed. I still fuck up all my relations and use all of my time thinking about death and suicide. So maybe to some degree he's right. SOme of us won't change. But it shouldn't be addressing th population as a whole.

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"correct me if I'm wrong" but in borderline don't you kind of fluctuate between LOVING yourself to HATING yourself ? most commonly and also in the opinions of others

"correct me if I'm wrong" but in borderline don't you kind of fluctuate between LOVING yourself to HATING yourself ? most commonly and also in the opinions of others

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Grape.juice, is this a recent diagnosis for you?

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On December 22, 2012 at 6:00 AM, lifequake said:

Amen.  I agree with what you wrote and commend you on your own recovery.  I have traits of BPD, and recovery is like walking uphill, in a sandstorm, while carrying the moon on one's back.  Basically, it is arduous and difficult.  Shame on those who demonize the borderline client who suffers.  I chalk it up to ignorance and lack of understanding.

I too had traits of BPD, and it looks 6 years of therapy with the same therapist plus 4 rounds of DBT to recover from my PD NOS, and I still deal with it today. I appreciate this post. 

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I hear ya. 

There was recently an article on the front page of Medium where a woman encouraged her readers to not stay with a person who has potential, because having potential is just code for they are a loser. In the article she referenced exes with addiction issues and one who was "hopelessly bi-polar".

By the end of the article I felt like I was undeserving of love and would never ever find it.

We are not the monsters they make us out to be.

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20 hours ago, tdk said:

I hear ya. 

There was recently an article on the front page of Medium where a woman encouraged her readers to not stay with a person who has potential, because having potential is just code for they are a loser. In the article she referenced exes with addiction issues and one who was "hopelessly bi-polar".

By the end of the article I felt like I was undeserving of love and would never ever find it.

We are not the monsters they make us out to be.

This writer sounds absolutely lovely. =_= The kinda privileged outlook that says that anyone who didn't 'succeed' by society's standards or has obvious wounds from whatever kickings they've gotten from this fucked up world we live in is a 'loser' and not worth your time.. Yeah. People with that kinda mindset are best avoided, and their opinions avoided or mocked, depending on your preference. But I understand how reading stuff like that can chew you up inside. My sympathies.

Tri

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On 8/24/2016 at 0:04 AM, tdk said:

I hear ya. 

There was recently an article on the front page of Medium where a woman encouraged her readers to not stay with a person who has potential, because having potential is just code for they are a loser. In the article she referenced exes with addiction issues and one who was "hopelessly bi-polar".

By the end of the article I felt like I was undeserving of love and would never ever find it.

We are not the monsters they make us out to be.

That's awful! Mental illnesses, personality disorders, etc. don't mean someone is a bad partner. And it definitely doesn't mean they're a bad person. 

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