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Trying so hard to fight this


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I can't cut.  I can't.  If I go for a knife, my husband will see me and stop me.  (He cuts sometimes too.  We try very hard to stop each other.)

Not cutting hurts so goddamn fucking much...  I want to so badly...

I don't know why I'm bothering to write this.  Trying to get the urge out of my system, I guess.  I can't stop fantasizing about it, though.  It's all I can think about today...

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Would your husband understand if you told him how you are trying so hard to keep from cutting yourself and wanted him to stay with you?  I mean, sometimes when I really want to hurt myself, it's usually at night and everyone has gone to sleep.  I honestly hope that taking yourself out of the house will help these feelings past - that would be awesome.  But if they don't, or if they come back, it would be nice to have a "game plan" that will get you though.  Your spirit is stronger than any desire to hurt yourself ever could be!

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Update please we're worrying here

;)   :)   :P

Here's the update:  I gave in.  I snuck into the bathroom last night and used a dull-ish razor...  The cuts weren't deep, but they stung like hell (which was the point).  They bled some, but not much.

I was able to fall asleep afterwards.  And I've felt a lot better today.

I feel like it was bad that I gave up and cut, but on the other hand I'm feeling so much better as a result...  I don't know what to think.

I'm okay now, though.  You can stop worrying.  :ninja:

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Im sorry that you felt the need to give in... I understand, though.... I know how it feels and i've done it before.  I'm really glad that you are ok.

I know that I too, though, need to work on other coping mechanisms instead of cutting....

I'm really glad that you are ok and feeling better, though....

be well, caligatia

~Ophelia

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I'm really glad that you are ok and feeling better, though....

Thanks, Ophelia.

I'm noticing that I feel worse at night.  I'm fine in the mornings, and get worse as the day goes on...  I promised my husband that I'd call my pdoc tomorrow.  When I go see him, I'll mention the "worse at night" problem...

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