Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

parents expect me to move on


Min

Recommended Posts

I frequently get tossed around between child and adult in my family.  Somedays I'm a 'child' and they are so over protective, like today my mom told me not to talk to you guys on this board because I don't know you, but I'M FUCKING 20 YEARS OLD.  Then she'll turn around about how I need to do more with my life I can't just sleep all day and stay on the computer all night which I GET, but right now it's what is working.  Right now  I am doing freelance writing and I write best at night so...yeah.  There's no point in me being awake during the day anyways, no one's home on weekdays.  I want to move on, oh I really want to get out of this house but I need to get stable first.  I am nooo where near stable.  Sometimes I don't think they, or other people I know, know what that's like.  My mother is bipolar but she's got a steady job and is under control.  As a kid she's never experienced things I have, likewise I have never experienced things she had as a kid.  I /missed/ 3-4 years of my life starting when I was about 13.  I cannot remember much of my teen years.  I was so sick and so out of it.  And now I'm dealing with this.  I want to get out I do, I really do, but I have so many limitations (not just mental...I have several physical illnesses as well), I don't know why they can't under stand that...my mother says I have nothing to be stressed about but just living is stressful...ugh I'm ranting so I'll stop.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Min,

I'm no expert, but this is what sounds to me MAY be happening- it's a lot like what I'm going through right now with potty training and my 3 year old (bear with me here  :) ):

Monday:"Well, she'll be ready when she's ready."

Tuesday: "Dangit! I can't believe our kid is 20 and is still at home! Is it our fault? Did we do it? Are we supposed to be doing something here??"

Wednesday: "She'll be ready in her own time, she has a lot of issues, she's not really ready right now, and that's all there is to it. She's our BABY!"

Thursday: "Dear Lord, Aunt Betty on the phone again. HER 20 year old is working full time AND in college. Are we bad parents? Are we supposed to be doing something we're not?"

Repeat until someone goes for a hatchet.

I really think this weird vacillation between "you're an adult" and "you're our BAAAABY" is a normal parent thing. And the MI stuff, and the other illnesses you mentioned, just make it more complicated. They just want you to be a happy and productive member of society. They're afraid if they aren't throwing a fit, they're doing something wrong. Then the fact that you have a legit reason for being where you are in life makes them feel bad in retrospect, so the "our BABY!" treatment all over again.

Unless they are seriously threatening to withdraw support from you, I wouldn't be too worried about it. Maybe you could make an effort to show them the things you ARE doing with your life. You said you're a writer, how about "here's something I wrote, what do you think?" now and then. And when you're having a bad day, be blunt about it. Tell them why it sucks.

If it seems like they really aren't getting it, perhaps you could consent to have them speak to your pdoc or tdoc, so he/she can verify it for them- "yep, going through a rough time, yep, this can be normal for her flavor of MI, nope, really doubt she could 'get out of the house more' even if she wanted to." That kind of thing. It's easy for us bipolar folks to "forget" what the bad times are like when we've been stable a little while, so I'm not really surprised about your mom.

I hope things get easier for you as you move towards stability. It's pretty easy to sit here and give advice when my parents aren't breathing down MY back and driving ME nuts. ;) Yeah it's a hard thing to deal with. Take care and let us know how you're doing.

~Faith

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mother fully understands the disorder.  She is a counselor and has it herself.  She just knows how to deal with it and expects me to know how to as well.  My dad well...it is very hard to educate him about anything.  He just calls it as he sees it.

They also seem to think 'I want to be this way' (always with the 'well I worked all day and didn't sleep all day like you did' and 'you're wasting your life on that damn computer').  I don't want to be lazy, uneducated and unemployed.  I'm trying to find some work somewhere but with my limitations it's dificult.

I frequently talk about my writing with my mother.  But the stuff I write is hard to talk about.  Not only is she not interested in that kind of stuff (so her reading it would be...awkward), it deals with things she thinks are 'taboo' and 'off-limits' (gay sex, half brother/sister sex, 16 year old sex, bsdm 'slavery') so...I'm in a jam.  She knows it 'involves sex' but I haven't told her what kind yet. D:  My confused and tortured little mind has spawned something truly unique and I don't know if she can handle it.  I was always 'the good girl' so I don't want to shock her or anyone else in my family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I frequently talk about my writing with my mother.  But the stuff I write is hard to talk about.  Not only is she not interested in that kind of stuff (so her reading it would be...awkward), it deals with things she thinks are 'taboo' and 'off-limits' (gay sex, half brother/sister sex, 16 year old sex, bsdm 'slavery')

Now you're making me want to read your stuff.  ;)

Seriously, though -- I think the advice given so far has been pretty good.  I moved back in with my mother for two years when I was 26, and she treated me about the same.  She loves me very much, and she tried to understand what was going on, but she'd alternate between babying me and wanting me to get a job/be a grownup.

I just let her deal with her own feelings.  I got a job when I was ready to work again, and no sooner...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I frequently talk about my writing with my mother.  But the stuff I write is hard to talk about.  Not only is she not interested in that kind of stuff (so her reading it would be...awkward), it deals with things she thinks are 'taboo' and 'off-limits' (gay sex, half brother/sister sex, 16 year old sex, bsdm 'slavery')

Now you're making me want to read your stuff.  ;)

Seriously, though -- I think the advice given so far has been pretty good.  I moved back in with my mother for two years when I was 26, and she treated me about the same.  She loves me very much, and she tried to understand what was going on, but she'd alternate between babying me and wanting me to get a job/be a grownup.

I just let her deal with her own feelings.  I got a job when I was ready to work again, and no sooner...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

lol.  it's very very work in progress.  when i'm not batshit crazy i find it hard to write anyways.

though i know they love me and just want me to be happy they CONTINUE to play the martyr card on me.  it's so frustrating because they just have no idea.  i don't know how my mom can not be more sympathetic when she has the same disorder i do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

my mother says I have nothing to be stressed about but just living is stressful...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds a lot like what I went through after high school and still go through.  People don't understand how difficult living can be when you are fighting MI.  Just getting through the day alive is an accomplishment.  For three years after high school, I was very agoraphobic.  It took all my energy just to leave the house for things I had to do.  I still get that some feeling sometimes.  My parents kept pushing me to make something of myself.  They kept saying I used to be so ambitious, what happened to me?  Any time I would try to explain they just didn't get it.  I would have thought that you mom being BP, she would get it.  Sucks that she doesn't. 

In my opinion, our generation has been screwed by the baby boomers.  It is much harder now to make the transition from being supported by your parents to being self-sufficient than it was 30 years ago.  The cost of living versus the amount we are getting paid makes it very difficult for many of us to get out from under the umbrella of our parents.  Add to that MI issues, and it really sucks.  The standard line for kids growing up is, "Get an education and everything will be okay."  That is bullshit, in my humble opinion.  The boomers have done a really poor job of preparing their children for the hard cold reality of our society.  Life is not fair and pretending otherwise is just stupid.  Sorry, I am ranting now.  Just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one having trouble making the transition.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

my mother says I have nothing to be stressed about but just living is stressful...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds a lot like what I went through after high school and still go through.  People don't understand how difficult living can be when you are fighting MI.  Just getting through the day alive is an accomplishment.  For three years after high school, I was very agoraphobic.  It took all my energy just to leave the house for things I had to do.  I still get that some feeling sometimes.  My parents kept pushing me to make something of myself.  They kept saying I used to be so ambitious, what happened to me?  Any time I would try to explain they just didn't get it.  I would have thought that you mom being BP, she would get it.  Sucks that she doesn't. 

In my opinion, our generation has been screwed by the baby boomers.  It is much harder now to make the transition from being supported by your parents to being self-sufficient than it was 30 years ago.  The cost of living versus the amount we are getting paid makes it very difficult for many of us to get out from under the umbrella of our parents.  Add to that MI issues, and it really sucks.  The standard line for kids growing up is, "Get an education and everything will be okay."  That is bullshit, in my humble opinion.  The boomers have done a really poor job of preparing their children for the hard cold reality of our society.  Life is not fair and pretending otherwise is just stupid.  Sorry, I am ranting now.  Just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one having trouble making the transition.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Min~

I know what you mean.  I'm almost 24, and sometimes my mom treats me like I'm 8 years old.  Seriously makes me nuts.  My only salvation is that my little sister, who is almost 21 (eek!) tends to screw up a lot, so my mom pays more attention to her.  A lot of the treating you like a baby then like an adult stuff is just a mom thing.  But when you add the BP, it makes things really hard.

~CS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had to move back home for a year when I was 20.  Parts of it sucked.  I did have my parents support and belief in that illness (it took a long time and some bad mania to convince them BP is a real illness).  Anyway, they really wanted to interfere in my dating life especially.  My boyfriend then and I used to have these loud philosophical debates and my parents took them as fighting, which they weren't.

I can also relate to your nighttime thing.  I would go to bed at 8 AM and get up at 5 PM.  This drove them NUTS!  That made it easier to have some time to myself without them on top of me.  But they didn't understand.

Sorry I don't have more advice.  Just sympathy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...